Hellobee

There’s a new icon in town! I feel equal parts pride and concern about being welcomed into a group as fun and diverse as the one represented by my fellow Hellobee bloggers. Pride because, well, who would have thunk that anyone would want to read about my life in small town Minnesota? Concern because… yeah. There’s a lot to live up to. A lot to learn. If you’ll bear with me as I learn the ropes, I’ll try to pay you back by writing stuff that you won’t hate reading.

Wow. This is seriously the most recent thing I could come up with?!

So for everyone wondering who I am, and what I’m all about, here’s the run-down. I started off my Hellobee life as Monkula. There is no vamipre monkey icon, so I chose one I think is almost as cool. If there ever is a vampire monkey icon, I totally want dibs.

I live in a MN town of less than 200 people. Yes, that is including my own family. And my in-laws who live about a mile away. We live on a farm. The family consists of my husband, Eric, my daughters, Ellie and Lorelei, and our dogs. Ellie is six. Lorelei just turned one. So I have a grade schooler and a newly-minted toddler. Freckles is Ellie’s inside dog and is an expert at licking and tolerating small children. Nala and Artemis are both labs who live in the great outdoors most of the day. They specialize in “wilding” and eating gross stuff. Now you know why they mostly live outside.

Our farm is a family farm run by my husband and his dad. We grow corn, soybeans, and sunflowers. Yes, you heard right; this uber-crunchy gal is in bed with Monsanto. It’s somewhat of an interesting paradox, but some other time we can chat more about how that works on a more philosophical level. We may grow non-organic, but we are not “conventional” conventional farmers. We also keep hogs. A friend told me that pigs smell like money. I suppose that might be true if you were the sort of person whose bank doubled as a septic tank… They are kinda cute, though, and it’s nice to know where a good portion of our meat comes from.

The view down our driveway.

We are a blended family. Eric adopted Ellie when she was three, so we all have the same last name, but Ellie and Lorelei have different biological dads. They are as much sisters as any two sisters ever were, complete with the hating one another about as often as they love each other. We are navigating the waters of trying to include Ellie’s biological dad in her life, which can sometimes get a little hairy and confusing. But whose life isn’t a little hairy and confusing? Ellie was also recently diagnosed with ADHD/ODD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Disorder).

It was hard trying to think of what all of you would want to know about me, so my husband Eric, helpful guy that he is, chipped in to help:

Eric: Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you gosh?

Me: Sure thing!

Eric: So what’s a city girl from Atlanta doing on a farm in rural Minnesota anyway?

Me: Well, my dad signed me up for this internet dating site after my divorce because he wanted me married off (he’s kinda… feudal like that). I knew he would bug me about it so I picked three random guys to contact. Did I mention that this was not a classy matching-style site like, say, eharmony, but was called farmers-only.com? I was pretty sure I was more likely to meet a lonely and misunderstood barnyard animal than a potential husband. But since you were one of the three randoms, my dad will never let me forget that his idea got us together. Then we moved in together on our second date following a fun 22-hour drive with a toddler. Good times.

Eric: Tell me something that you think your readers would be most interested to learn about you.

Me: Um… my dad once had a bomb mailed to him and we had to have the police intercept our mail for a while. I had no boyfriends in high school, but I did have two stalkers. My husband has only eight fingers. All true. Farm safety is no joke!

Eric: Tell me something your readers would be least interested to know about you.

Me: Seriously?

Eric: You wanted it to be quirky and interesting.

Me: I used to own a lime green snap bracelet with black polka dots. When I’m in New Orleans I always order the biggest size sno-ball they have. Preferably the ones they put in the giant Chinese takeout containers. I got an English minor in college by mistake.

Eric: Tell me about your hobbies.

Me: I am a photography buff, love to cook and bake, do beadwork, write poetry, read depressing non-fiction…

Eric: Is it true that you would consider cheating on your husband with your dual-fuel range or your vitamix blender?

Me: Whoa, slow down cowboy. One appliance at a time. I think what I really want is to move somewhere where the love of a woman for her appliances is recognized and then we can all live together in a plural marriage.

Eric: If you were a car, what kind would you be?

Me: A VW Beetle; cute, funky, and with a flower on the dash.

Eric: If you weren’t a stay-at-home mom and could have any job in the world, what would it be?

Me: I would co-host The Splendid Table on NPR.

Eric: Cat or dog?

Me: Dog.

Eric: Elvis or the Beatles?

Me: Totally Beatles.

Eric: I heard that your husband is right 80-95 percent of the time. Is this accurate?

Me: Your percentage just went down.

So why twine? Well, it’s a little rough around the edges, not the prettiest or the fanciest, but you can use it for so many practical things. It can be kind-of whatever you need it to be. And it can fasten things together. In my life I’m a little unconventional, I don’t go with the status quo (Sometimes I think I might try to be that way on purpose. Maybe. A little.), but I also like to bring people together. To be a peace-maker. So, Hellobee, since we’re in it together I will try to be kind-of multi-purpose. Make yourselves at home, don’t be strangers; whatever you do, don’t be shy, and let me know if there’s ever anything I can do. After all, I picked twine. So, it’s sort of my job.