Everything about my pregnancy with Chocolate Baby seems different from when I was expecting Drake. That seems funny to say in some ways, as both of these pregnancies from an outside point of view are very similar — no morning sickness (yes I know I’m lucky), I have gained around the same amount of weight, fairly easy symptoms as a whole, etc. The differences I perceive have more to do with me and where my life is now.
Before Drake it was just Mr. Chocolate and me. I was able to devote so much of my undivided attention to the care and nurture of Drake as he grew inside my womb. From the moment I saw that double line appear, I was in baby mode. I read all the foods to eat and avoid. Every twinge, pain, funny feeling would send me to the Internet scrambling for answers. Is this normal? Is baby ok? I joined numerous forums to connect with other expectant mothers, and tried to soak in as much information I could about not only the pregnancy, but the newborn stage and also how to raise a baby into a competent effective member of society. I read countless articles about the pros and cons of vaccinations, circumcision (should it come up as Drake was a surprise baby), breastfeeding, etc. I dragged Mr. Chocolate to all the hospital provided classes on infant care, Lamaze, breastfeeding, etc. I felt in so many ways that I ate, slept, and lived baby, but in the end of course we learned that no amount of reading, buying gear, and talking to other parents could prepare us for the way our lives changed after Drake joined the family.
This time around is different in that I’ve already lived through the experience of having an newborn and know a little about what to expect as well as what is essential, what isn’t essential and everything in between. I am already wondering about the labor, dreading the sleepless nights (though pregnancy insomnia is doing a nice job in getting me mentally ready), and dreading breastfeeding even more. We haven’t even started Chocolate Baby’s nursery, as we know they won’t even sleep in it for another 5 or 6 months after birth, so there is no need to rush. We already know what it’s like to bring a new baby into our family, but Drake doesn’t.
Drake will be just 3 when Chocolate Baby arrives. He understands a lot of things — to hold hands when crossing the street, to say please and thank you, and that a kiss and hug make 99% of things better. But how can he understand how much his world is going to change when “the baby in mommy’s tummy” finally makes its appearance? Mr. Chocolate and I thought we were ready 3 years ago, and everything we read and heard went out the door when the idea of a baby changed to a real live (crying all the time) baby entered our lives. We managed, of course, and Drake will too, but I imagine the shock he is going to experience when the life he has known for the last 3 years changes so abruptly will be quite similar to what Mr. Chocolate and I experienced when our adult lives changed to become devoted to a small baby who called all the shots. The difference of course is Mr. Chocolate and I are adults; we had a vague concept life was going to become harder and different from the life we knew before. At 3 these ideas are beyond Drake I realize, but I wish there was a way I could prepare him (as much as anyone can be prepared) for this life altering experience.
While I know no amount of talking about the baby or even seeing Chocolate Baby on the sonogram machine will make this more real for Drake, I have devised some ideas to help with making him more aware that a baby is coming.
-Mr.Chocolate and I often tell Drake he is going to be a big brother and that there is a baby coming to the family. Drake has some experience with babies as his babysitter watches a few, so we often mention the babies at the sitters by name and remind him what babies are like.
-I plan on getting another book or two about being a big brother, but right now we have this one which we read and he enjoys.
– I plan on taking Drake to Build a Bear in the next month or so. It will be his first time and I want to let him make himself a bear, as well as make one for Chocolate Baby. I plan on leaving it in the box and reminding him that its a gift for the baby and having him give it to the baby when Chocolate Baby comes home
– Luckily Drake’s birthday is right by Chocolate Baby’s due date, and I am hoping he is still going to be enamored with some of his new birthday gifts in the first few weeks of Chocolate Baby’s arrival so that maybe he won’t even notice the new person in the house (this might be wishful thinking).
– I am encouraging Mr. Chocolate to do more with Drake, playing outside now that the weather is nicer, taking him on errands, bathing him, etc. in the hopes that he will get used to the idea of me not always being around and doing everything. I imagine my time will become more limited once Chocolate Baby comes, and I don’t want Drake to see Chocolate Baby as taking his time with mommy away. If he spends more time with Mr. Chocolate, then the transition might be smoother since he isn’t losing any attention.
– I’ve already talked to my mother, in laws, and Drake’s aunt and uncles to see if they are willing to drop by and take Drakey out for special adventures and trips to the beach and park at times, since he is a big boy and Chocolate Baby can’t go.
– Lastly I bought a gift for Chocolate Baby to give to Drakey when he comes to visit at the hospital. If anything it will keep him happily occupied when he visits.
Whether or not any of these things work or help I have no idea, but if anything they make me feel like I am helping prepare him and maybe that’s what this is all about.
Any other suggestions on how to prepare Drakey for becoming a big brother?
pomegranate / 3272 posts
My friends bought a baby doll for their son so that he could almost practice how to handle a baby. They say it really helped.
nectarine / 2771 posts
these are great tips! i’ll have to remember them for whenever baby #2 comes around. hope you’re feeling well and savoring these last few days with just drake
pea / 17 posts
Nice post. I love your ideas- you have obviously thought a lot about it and I am sure it will pay off for you and Drake.
blogger / nectarine / 2600 posts
@MUI831: Thats a great idea! I might need to find a doll stat!
@yerpie110: Thanks. I finish work next week (wish it was tomorrow to be honest) so hopefully after that we really can savor the days. Its hard with work still.
@amylaud: Thank you. I really want to make this the best transition I can for him. It makes me so sad to think that Im losing my time with him but a sibling will be so much fun for him in the long run.
cherry / 141 posts
these are all really wonderful tips. We have one child now but we have discussed having baby #2 in the future. I worry about these things with our first and hope that she will be able to adapt to a new member of our family. Goodluck!
pea / 17 posts
We just brought home baby #2!
To help our first kiddo take on “Big Sister” role first i went to the library and found a great book about “Mommy’s Home”(?) it was about how the baby was living safely inside mommys belly but would come out soon. So our daughter began to understand baby brother was growing and would be out soon for her to help mommy/daddy with giving love to.
Then she helped place the sticker decals in the baby room. She even verbalized this “would make baby brother so happy!”.
Prior to bringing baby home, we also set up the second car seat. Put in one of out daughters (she chose) cookie monster to put in the car seat. We talked about how we cannot throw things at cookie monster or share food while in the car… Role play type stuff. Same thing with using my old cabbage patch baby & crib. Role played reading books to the baby, what things can be shared…
What i am most gladfpr though is that for MONTHS we have had our first kiddo enrolled in some city classes (pre-ballet) and when the baby was born she kept to her own interests, her own social calendar… So she had that regularity already in place even though her Nana or her Auntie took her to those classes now. And her friends that we have met in play groups all have had her over when My husband and i were SO TIRED from cluster feeding/evening night time fussiness– that she wasnt home bored but with dear friends involved in simple age approproate activities.
When you are nursing or feeding your baby- set up a quiet basket near you. Of new goodies- coloring books, stickers, we made an explorers set (pretend magnifying glass) and we would let her pull out a quiet surprise during those feeding sessions and talk about the activity or in the case of the explorers set–> how we can go to the back yard and find specific bugs! We practiced using the *pretend* magnifying glass inside with her alphabet blocks or little people… And then she looked forward to backyard exploration.
Thats what we have done so far. Our kiddo seems to really enjoy playing the doting protective big sister/lil mother in training role she has placed herself as. We let her be as safely hands on as possible so she can be involved in whatever cares so she is part of it all.
grapefruit / 4049 posts
We really liked the Big Sister book by Joanna Cole. I’m sure there’s a Big Brother version.
Ditto getting LO #1 a doll with play diapers, bottles, stroller, etc!
blogger / nectarine / 2600 posts
@Sparkles: Wow those are great ideas! I never thought about when I was nursing as with Drake I did it in the bedroom and I think Id still like to do that but all his toys are in his playroom now so I went out and got some coloring books, puzzles, books, and plan on getting a toy or two to stay in our bedroom so he has something to occupy him now when Im in here. Such great ideas thank you!
blogger / nectarine / 2600 posts
@SAHM0811: Am going to find that book now on Amazon! Thank you!
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The build a bear idea is GENIUS!
Our daughter turns 3 in a week, and I’m due with little girl #2 the middle of February. She already has dolls, loves being a little “mommy”, loves picking out things for the baby, and loves other people’s babies. But I worry once we have a new baby here 24/7, disrupting our routine, she isn’t going to be as excited.
So far, I am putting together a “Big Sister Bag” to give her when she comes to the hospital to meet her little sister: disposable camera and little album to put her pictures in, a spiral sketch pad and her first ever set of cute fat little markers, stickers, a big sister shirt, and I will add snacks closer to the day. And I think I will add the build a bear to the list as well.