When do you first remember thinking about what you would name your kids? For me, the earliest that I can remember is Grade 8. We were supposed to make a plan of what we would do every year for the next 100 years. Thinking back, I now realize that this was probably one of those fun time waster activities that teachers give on those last sticky, dragging on forever, school days before summer vacation, but this one stuck with me. I liked writing down all of those dream ” to dos” and I really loved naming all my children. I believe I planned on having at least 20. Ha!
I remember the names of the first boy and girl that I had on my giant list. The girl: Ava and the boy: Carter. I really have no idea where I came up with these names as it was long before Reese Witherspoon named her daughter Ava or Dr. Carter was on the television show ER. They did however stick with me for many years. Ava was actually still on the short list until my cousin named his daughter that not so many years ago. Which leads me to my point: did you share “your” names and have them “stolen”?
My cousin did not know that I had the name Ava in mind for one of my children, so I did not feel like it was stolen, but I suppose I was, for a quick minute, sad that it was out of the running. I know many people that have used a name that a friend loved for their little one. I have a friend right now that is broken-hearted over the fact that her sister-in-law is planning to name her new baby one of the two names she was planning for her own little boy or girl in the future.
I am not sure how I feel about the saving of names. I personally would not choose one that I knew a close friend/family member had wanted. I do not, however, think that people should get too protective of their choices because it is a person’s right to name their child whatever they want, whether you have “saved” the name or not.
I once attended a friend’s party while I was pregnant with Little Tea Cup. There was another pregnant woman there that I did not know personally and we started chatting about babies. She asked what I was having and I told her that I didn’t know yet. When I asked what she was having, she quickly answered ” we are having a boy and we are not sharing our name choice.” Slightly taken aback that she thought I would steal her baby’s name, I ended the conversation shortly after. Months later, I had a good laugh when I discovered that she had named her little one Sullivan — the exact name we had planned for if we were to have a boy. What are the chances!
If you are wondering how we chose Little Tea Cup’s name, it was actually the first name that popped up when I googled Irish girl names. After all the possibilities we had considered before, we both loved the name and it stuck. Almost nine months later: Norah was born.
Now it’s your turn:
Did someone steal “your” name or did you steal someone’s name? What do you think about “saving” names?
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
We chose both our children’s names after seeing them (just one of the benefits of adoption!)… We knew we would keep their Korean names as their middle names, so whatever we chose had to work with that, as well as my husband’s last name. So… while we had a list all during the process, we never actually used any of the names on it! (Although we did name Boy 2 from Boy 1’s list…) We were careful not to use any names that were “too close” in our circle of friends though. And I’m pretty sure both boys will be “the only”s in their grades…. which was most important to us!
guest
I don’t like the idea that names can be “stolen” or “saved”. My name is Emily and how many people in my generation were named Emily. Did my parents “steal” my name? No. Did I ever feel sad or mad that someone else had the same name? No. I think that each parents should be able to choose any name for their child, no matter who else is named the same name. I have a friend that has not started trying to have kids tell me that she and her husband had picked their names for their kids. Well I am currently pregnant with a little boy after a loss of a little girl at 22 weeks in January. I know that everything is not guaranteed in this crazy world of becoming a parent. One of the names she picked just happened to be a name we are considering for this baby boy. Instead of getting upset at the fact that she felt she could “call” a name, I just responded “Well it looks like there may be a chance that our kids have the same names!”
It’s not even worth the stress of being sad that someone else “has” your name because it truly wasn’t “your” name to begin with!
blogger / apricot / 424 posts
@Mrs. Paintbrush: I love your littles names
I too am crossing my fingers that Little Tea cup it is the only little Tea cup in her grade!
Emily ~ “I know that everything is not guaranteed in this crazy world of becoming a parent.” amen to that! I love that you are taking everything in stride and not letting letting it get you stressed or sad. Great traits for a Momma to be!
grapefruit / 4862 posts
My SIL told me when she got pregnant that her boy name was _____ Lou, Lou being from their grandma who had just passed away. I shared that our boy’s name was going to be Evan James, Evan after my mom’s maiden name Evans, and James after my grandpa/uncle, and DH’s dad. So I was shocked/angry when a few weeks later she had her ultrasound and said “it’s a boy, _____ James, after dad!” I blantantly said “that’s weird that’s what I told you I would use for a middle name, what happened to Lou?” She said I could use George which is their dad’s middle name- ignoring the family connection I had to James. I was frustrated. It would have been better if she said “I know you said you were using this and I just wanted to let you know we decided to, blah blah blah. At least ACKNOWLEDGE that she “stole” it. I know how that happens- we’ve all see Friends when Rachel has her baby! I just hated taht she acted like it was her idea the whole time. If we have a boy (we’re not telling yet) Evan James is still one of our 2 boy names. And part of one of our girl names is part of the girl name she had picked out! So either way, I’m stealing back, and I don’t care, since she showed her true colors!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t think you can “own” a name but I think you can be polite/careful about using one someone else has mentioned. Name manners, perhaps. Sometimes the “stealing” is more upsetting because it’s done and never acknowledged/mentioned, and I think some people just like to hear that the person realizes they’re doing it and is maybe even a little sorry- they just couldn’t imagine naming their baby anything else!
blogger / apricot / 424 posts
@kjpugs: can I tell you how close this was to being included in this post “we’ve all see Friends when Rachel has her baby” As for your situation, I am so sorry this has happened to you, I hope in the end if you do have a little boy you still use the name that you had the strong connection to if that is what is in your heart
grapefruit / 4862 posts
@Mrs. Tea: LOL I know right! I think we can all identify with Monica and then when we’re naming our children all of a sudden we identify with Rachel! It’s hard when you fall for a name you shouldn’t!
And yeah we’ll still use what we want. My husband couldn’t give a crap about his sister’s drama. My only sadness is possibly looking like I copied her (when really it was the opposite) but we live in different states so anyone who cares can just get over it!
nectarine / 2280 posts
@kjpugs: I think it’s about the acknowledging too. We all know we don’t own names but just say something. That’s the most frustrating part. Especially for family and close friends.
grapefruit / 4862 posts
@katsupgirl: agreed. If she had said “hey KJ, I know you mentioned using James, but I wanted to let you know we really loved it and want to use it too. I hope you don’t mind, we just can’t imagine naming him anything else now. I hope you’ll still use it too if you have a son!” then I would’ve been like ok that’s cool. It might still sting but I probably wouldn’t still be pissed about it years later.
pear / 1998 posts
We are stealing your baby name! We love the name Norah and it is at the top of our list.
We don’t have kids yet, so maybe when choosing a baby name is no longer hypothetical I might have a different opinion – but I don’t understand why people get so worked up about this.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
DH and I had DD’s name picked out when we started dating, ironically enough her name is Ava
Thankfully no one “stole” it in between those years but now it seems like everyone is choosing that name, but hey it’s a great name so I can’t blame them!
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
It’s not technically “stolen” yet, but if LO #2 is a girl (which we hope), we love the name Zoey, which is my brother’s favorite girl’s name since he was a little, little kid (think like 12 years old).
pomelo / 5257 posts
I feel like you should be able to name your child your favorite name, even if a friend or relative already used it. If it’s your favorite, it’s your favorite — I don’t think it’s fair to expect someone to not use a name they love just because someone else’s child happened to be born first. My cousin is currently pregnant and she and her husband told us the boy name they were thinking of — and it’s our favorite boy name too! DH joked he’d pay them $100 not to use it, but the truth is, we would have used it even if they did first. Luckily they’re having a girl anyway, haha.
GOLD / papaya / 10206 posts
I picked my little lady’s name probably 10+ years ago. I always knew I wanted to name her after my maternal grandmother. You can imagine my shock when it jumped from #150+ to number 12 or something like that on the popular name list in one year. Regardless, I love her name and we always planned to name her that no matter what friends or family came up with.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
When I was younger I liked the named Kayla. It was the only contemporary name I like and was a shortebed version of Michaela… yes like Dr. Quinn. Anyway my child hood best friend and my cousin, both have daughters named Kayla. Even though or children will likely never play together Kayla is or of the running.
Also as a if-we-use-family-letters, I picked Zoe for a girl since my brother’s name starts with a Z. Well a good friend of mine last his daughter at less than a day old. Her name was Zoe and now that truly feels off limits.
coconut / 8854 posts
We have our girl name picked out if we ever have girls! We aren’t sharing it with anyone though!
coconut / 8279 posts
when I was a teenager I loved the name “Lila”, I always thought I’d use it but when one of my best friends was looking for a “flower name” for her little girl, I suggested “Lilly” and that’s what she named her. now the name is too popular and too close to my friend’s LO’s name for me to ever use it, but I still love it.
grapefruit / 4235 posts
If we have more male children we need to follow DH’s family naming convention, with the same first and middle initial. I’ve told multiple people who were pregnant with boys that if they give their child a name with either of those initials (of which boys names that aren’t already in the family are few and far between) that chances are, we have/are considering that name for any future sons and I don’t consider it name stealing. (I’ve got 1 letter from the alphabet to work for each name here – they have aallllll of them!)
grapefruit / 4187 posts
I agree that it isn’t really fair to ‘call’ a name, regardless of what stage you are in, pregnant or not. If you really would be bothered by someone ‘stealing’ your dream name, then don’t tell anyone what it is. And it’s up to you if someone close to you uses the name before you get the chance if you still eventually want it or not for yourself. It isn’t now ‘owned’ by the person who got to use it first.
blogger / pomegranate / 3201 posts
Well, I hope you don’t think I’m stealing, but Norah is my number 1 girl name if we ever have one!
With Liam, we might have actually gotten it from Tori Spelling’s son, which is embarrassing to admit, but I remember us watching their show together and talking about how cute he was and how much we liked the name (long before we were pregnant). We always came back to it and it stuck in the end!
grapefruit / 4669 posts
Love the name Norah, and what a cute crib! At one point DH and I decided on Annika for a girl’s name…and then some pretty close friends named their daughter Anika. Out of the blue. Boooo, but it’s okay b/c I’m happy with our daughter’s name!
pear / 1895 posts
Nora (no H) is our #1 girl name, too. But I don’t consider it stealing because it was my grandmother’s name :).
guest
When I was pregnant with my 3 year old daughter, my husband and I had chosen the name Sam if it was a boy after his dad. My sister in law (My husband’s brother’s wife) got pregnant shortly after I did and I did tell her the names we were thinking about. I ended being pregnant with a girl and her a boy and she named her son Samauri! Also, she has another son that she named Chandler Josiah, after my husband (Chan) and they call him little chan so I couldn’t even really name my son a version of chan if I wanted to!! (or at least that’s how I feel) And Josiah was always on my list for boys. When I was pregnant with my son I was very hesitant to tell her the names we were thinking about because she was pregnant too, but we just didn’t tell anyone (mostly because it took me until a day before I had him to actually decide on a name). It’s Lyon (lion) so it would have been pretty obvious if they stole it!
Also, we have some friends that was pregnant with a boy and would not tell anyone his name and made a big deal about not telling people, so when he was born and his name was Thomas, I’m not gonna lie, I was a little disappointed. Not that Thomas isn’t a lovely name, it’s just so normal. Lol.
pomegranate / 3401 posts
When we were pregnant, we didn’t tell anyone our daughter’s name, not so much because we were afraid of “stealing” but more because we didn’t want to hear anyone’s opinion on the name. We named her Natalie (which is a pretty normal name).
olive / 51 posts
I know that you can’t “steal” someone’s name, but I do worry about someone snagging ours. We aren’t really sharing our list of first names with many people (have set middle names if it is a boy or a girl) so I don’t really worry about someone stealing it, more than I worry about someone using one of our first choices/claiming it first We aren’t finding out, DW’s sister is newly pregnant and plans to find out which will be before our LO’s arrival, plus we have a couple of friends that are pregnant, so I worry every time someone announces their name.
Sometimes I feel like it would be easier/better to tell people our list now and “stake claim” but they could always use it anyways! I just don’t want to look like the person who stole a name/be the person who causes drama. I really had no idea I would feel this way, but I feel a little possessive over our names (I’m blaming it on the hormones)
pear / 1580 posts
I had two names inadvertently “stolen”: Zachary and Claire.
DH and I have talked about names here and there for the past four years, and through the dozens of names we went through, we only (barely) agree on two. So I am definitely keeping those a secret because if they get stolen, we’ll be stuck with a baby named Plop or Baby #1, I’m sure of it!
kiwi / 538 posts
Ha- this made me think of the SATC episode where Charlotte’s friend steals the name that she made up. I would be a little annoyed if someone I was close to used a name that I would potentially pick but it wouldn’t be stealing since I never talk about names with anyone. If they used it, it would be a complete coincidence. Carter is actually my boy name for the next one- my sister is due with her son in Sept and I’m just hoping it’s not on her list!
guest
i told a few close friends what 2 names we were deciding between but really didn’t want anyone’s opinion (people shouldn’t voice their opinion on this to a pregnant woman!)
with number 2 we’re not telling anyone and i think it’s better that way. we have a girl’s name we love and are keeping a secret. i suppose we stole it from a friend but we’re not close and she lives in another country!
clementine / 943 posts
It is a ridiculous concept to think that a name can be “stolen”. Name your kid what you want, and who cares what anyone thinks or who else named their kid the same thing?
DH’s cousins (who are sisters) both named their daughters after their departed mother. Both girls go by the exact same name, live near each other and play together often. It’s neither weird, nor awkward, nor is it confusing. So please, enough with “name stealing”!! It’s one of those things that just shouldn’t be “a thing”. As if poor pregnant women need more drama llama things to worry about…
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
We didn’t share our names, nor did people using our names sway us. We figured that if someone chose our name at the same time we were choosing it, then there were just meant to be two little ones with the same name
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
Nobody I know ever wanted los name. It’s pretty old fashioned.
if I have another girl I guess I’ll technically steal a friends name. I’m not picking it because she had it first, is a family name and 1. She likes the nickname, while I would name her the full name but use the nickname. 2. I don’t think you can call dibs on a name. This name means so much to me that I would name my child it even if she had a baby girl first.
coconut / 8472 posts
I’m pretty open with our name – our DS will be named Declan Cole. And I’m not all that concerned with someone “stealing” it. No matter who else I know that has a baby that uses either of those names, we’re still going to use them. I don’t feel like I’ve “called it” but that’s what we’ve decided and if someone else uses it, then our sons will have the same name. It’ll probably bother that family more than it’ll bother me.
And sometimes, it’s just coincidence. I have a facebook friend and I recently realized her kids are Cole and Anna. Cole being the middle name we’re already using, and Anna was our number 1 girl name. Hopefully she doesn’t feel like she owns the rights to those names and no one she knows can use them.
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
I apparently stole my DD’s name from my “friend.” :T I had no idea she had claimed the name though. She was so pissed when I announced the birth of my daughter and her name.. and I don’t think she ever got over it.
Anyway, we’re not friends anymore. Don’t need negative people in my life!
guest
Reading this we are the people that don’t share names, but not so much for the steal issue as the unsolicited advice, and I would not snap it out like it sounds like that lady did. Once it is the baby’s name people say less that angers me
That said… one of my first twins is named Sullivan! ha. We’re expecting twins again in the fall, b/g this time… we have some top names though we are still bouncing around and looking for inspiration. Our other twin was Emmitt. Love those irish-y old world names I guess.
guest
I know I would be heartbroken if someone used our name, but I still don’t really believe in name “stealing” I do, however believe that the people who not share their names cannot get mad if someone uses it because they had no idea it was being used! I would never purposely use a name someone close o me loved. But if you don’t tell me your name choice, you can’t get mad if I choose it! Maybe that’s just my opinion
cantaloupe / 6791 posts
I haven’t had the experience of anyone “stealing” our names, but then again, most of our friends havent had kids yet. When we were younger, we would talk about baby names a lot and we always said we would name our daughter Emma. In our area, Emma has become hugely popular and since we are both teachers, we don’t want our kids to experience being one of four kids in their class with the same name (I as a Jennifer born in the late 80’s can relate). So we’ve decided on another girl name that is way less popular. We’re having a boy this time, so I worry that our name will be “taken” if we end up having a girl one day, but I do realize that’s kinda silly.
pea / 17 posts
Funny, but I never really had baby names in mind. I knew right away if I didn’t like a name and tended to avoid names that were popular or chosen by anyone we knew. When we did start to narrow down our list, I didn’t share the ideas with anyone but mostly because we wanted it to be a surprise and didnt want any outside opinions.
We didn’t know what we were having with our first (a boy), and with #2 on the way I am glad that we didn’t share what girl names we had in mind just in case we want to use those now too.
coffee bean / 33 posts
This is funny to me! We have a family name that has been passed down for generations with the guys in my family. My brother already had a little girl and I knew they were starting to plan for baby #2 around the same time I was planning to have a child. I knew if they got pregnant 1st He was definitely going to use the name (its his middle name). So at one of our Family dinners I made an announcement that I would be using the family name no matter if it was boy or girl haha. So now we have our Sweet Adrian Nicole, sorry to my sweet brother, but the name is now taken.
guest
I just randomly clicked on this post because it was suggested at the bottom of another one I was reading and the title intrigued me. So imagine my surprise when I get to the end and see that your daughter’s name is Norah — the exact same name and spelling we’re planning to use for our daughter, due in August!!!