Hellobee

A vacation with a baby does not feels like a vacation to me – it is more like a trip.  Location changes, perhaps the weather is a much-needed improvement, activities are different from the day-to-day routine, but when traveling with babies in tow, there is no escaping the feed, activity, diaper, nap, bedtime routine.  Yes, schedules may be stretched, naps may be taken on the go, bedtimes may get extended, but gone are the nights of foodie adventures at high-end restaurants, late nights at local pubs, never-ending lounging at the beach, and pure relaxation.

Last summer, we took our first family vacation with my entire extended family to celebrate great grandma Confetti’s 80th birthday.  By the end of our week-long getaway in Hilton Head Island, I felt like I was ready for a vacation.

Little C and one of his fave caregivers, Grandpa C, poolside under a big umbrella

Just a few short weeks later, we were preparing for just that.  Kind of.  My best friend was getting married over Labor Day weekend, and at just 3.5 months postpartum and still exclusively breastfeeding, I was standing up as matron of honor in her wedding.  The weekend was jam-packed with events, and no matter how we envisioned it, Mr. Confetti and I could not realistically imagine bringing Little C to another city, several states away from the closest family member, and be able to find childcare that we would be comfortable with (and afford) for extended portions of each day and night of the weekend.

Enter Grandma and Grandpa Confetti.  They came to Chicago, read my novella of instructions, learned how to thaw and serve pumped milk (while I pumped and pumped and pumped in Minneapolis throughout the festivities) and took excellent care of Little C.  Since that weekend, the grandparents have stepped up to the plate nearly every time we have asked for their assistance with Little C, usually coming all the way from Ohio to help.

As we gear up for a fast and furious wedding season this summer, both sets of grandparents are being enlisted to watch Little C while we travel to celebrate our friends’  upcoming nuptials.  Having left Little C for two long weekends and two short overnight stay-cations already, and with three more weekend trips sans baby on the horizon, I thought I would share some of my “leaving baby behind” tips:

If at all possible, have your caregiver come to your home

I haven’t been shy to share on Hellobee that my son has some intense separation anxiety.  Leaving him for any amount of time is always a challenge – the gym day care is absolutely out of the question for him, and babysitters during waking hours are always prepared with tips to calm a soon-to-be hysterical child.  What I have learned over the course of this year is that even for young babies (4-6 months +), turf matters.  Little C is always most comfortable in familiar surroundings.  Of course, that may not always be an option, but so far, we have been lucky that C’s grandparents have always been able to come to our home, where Little C sleeps in his own crib, plays with his usual toys on his usual carpet, bathes in his usual tub, etc.

Later this summer, we have a wedding in Ohio about 2 hours away from my in-laws.  We are planning to leave Little C with them overnight, but we are planning to get there a full day early so he can re-acclimate to their home (since we are only able to visit a couple times a year) before we leave.

Don’t be afraid to write out thorough instructions….even if it’s a miniature novel

The first time we left Little C with my parents, he was 15 weeks old, and I presented my parents with a typed six page document that was all encompassing – there were subheadings about preparing his bottles of breast milk, his bedtime routine, what to do during night wakings, his favorite activities (um, laying there?  I was so crazy…), nap routine, supplies and more.  Plus a half page devoted to the dog.

Grandma, babies don’t come with an instruction manual, but my mom tried to write one for you

My mom took one took at it, laughed, and reminded me that she raised me and my sister from babyhood to adulthood.  She did tell me afterward that she and my dad did glance through it, especially on the food pages, since my sister and I were formula-fed.  While it was definitely overkill, it gave me piece of mind to know that if I was busy walking down the aisle when Little C was in meltdown mode, they would have a blueprint of “What Would Mommy Do” instructions.  And eight months later, when they watched Little C when we went to Wisconsin to celebrate Mr. Confetti’s 30th birthday, my mom asked me for a Cliff’s Notes version before I even brought it up – she wanted written instructions with his schedule and what he could and could not eat (and of course, I always include emergency contact numbers).  For upcoming trips, I plan to include his Advil dosage in the case of major teething as well.

Print and sign a Medical Consent Letter for your child

This was something that I had not thought of before our first trip until the night before when my mom told me that this was an absolute necessity.  There I was, up late at night, googling templates and praying that they would have no need to use whatever I came up with.  Essentially a Medical Consent Letter is a document that indicates that your caregiver has the power to make crucial decisions regarding your child’s medical care if you are not available/present to do so.  Here is what we wrote:

We the undersigned and parents of Little C , authorize Grandma and Grandpa Confetti, maternal grandparents of Little C, to have full and complete authority to consent to any and all medical treatment which, in his/her sole judgment, is necessary under the circumstances, valid until X date.

Medical Insurance Policy Number:  xxxxx
Insurance Company Phone Number: xxxxx
Family Pediatrician Name: xxxxx
Pediatric Clinic Address: xxxxx
Pediatric Phone: xxxxx

Signed by Mr. and Mrs. Confetti

In an ideal word, both parents sign two copies of the form and then you get them notarized. The date can be open-ended or for a long duration of time if you know you will use it frequently.

To take this to the next level, another thing to think about when traveling without your child is having a will and estate plan in place, in case of (G-d forbid) an accident.  Since I am not a lawyer, all I can suggest is to consult with an attorney (thankfully, Mr. Confetti’s dad is an attorney and helped us draw up all of our paperwork).   We sat down and discussed who would take care of Little C in our absence, who would manage our estate, etc.  It is definitely something I think everyone should do as new parents, but especially when you are traveling without your child.

Get all of your household ducks in a row

The last thing that grandparents or other caregivers want to discover while you are traveling is that you are out of milk/toilet paper/diapers when they are busy with the unfamiliar challenge of round-the-clock baby care. When we travel and leave C with his grandparents, we try to think of everything.

We make sure that Little C’s changing area is stocked with supplies, empty all of the trash cans and the diaper pail, and straighten up around the house.  We make sure to have healthy groceries in the house and some yummy leftovers in case they don’t want to cook, we leave a few take-out menus or phone numbers for pizza delivery, and we pre-prepare a bunch of different lunch and dinner options for Little C so they can just reheat and serve.

Do a quick safety and gear run-through before you leave

Neither set of Little C’s grandparents have expressed any interest in taking him anywhere in our car while we are out of town – we are lucky to live walking distance from nearly everything they could need.  Still, in the case of an emergency, we absolutely plan on doing a run-though of how Little C’s car seat works (now that we’ve upgraded to the convertible – they got a lesson with the infant seat last time).  We also make sure they can fold and unfold our stroller, since stroller technology has changed quite a bit since the early 1980’s.

You think this will be easy Papap? Just wait until you see the stroller…

I also try to forewarn the grandparents about tricky areas in our house (lately the bookcases – Little C wants to pull everything off the shelves) and any new developments to keep an eye out for (the climbing – always the climbing with C!) in the world of babyproofing.

Know your child and do what is best for them while you are separated

While I look forward to these getaways without Little C, I usually get a little bit teared up on our way to the airport.  As a SAHM, so much of my day-to-day life revolves around Little C and his needs, and while I welcome the break, I miss him a lot when we leave.  While I would love to Skype or Facetime with him every day, I know how tough the separation can be for him (and for his caregivers, who are often treated as second-best.  He will protest getting out of the crib for anyone but me and Mr. C).  Deep down, I know that he is too young to truly understand Skype, and if anything it just makes him upset, even if it makes me happy to see him. Grandma Confetti loves to take pictures throughout the day, and she is happy to text me every so often with a cute one.

Once C is a little older, I plan to be more proactive about ways to reassure him that we will be back soon, like talking about our trip in advance and how many days we will be gone or making big plans for the day we come back, so he has something to look forward to.  For now, we are happy to surprise him with our return, because all of the fun we have while we are away doesn’t compare to the look of pure elation when we walk through the door and he sees his two favorite people home to snuggle him up.

Are you comfortable yet leaving your LO for a weekend?  If not, why not?  If you are, any great tips I’ve missed?