This is a follow-up post by Hellobee community member Casey who wrote When the Wishbone Cracked last year.

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I’ve always collected inspirational quotes, usually related to creativity and my career in design… In the last year I’ve made a shift to quotes that bring me peace and strength through difficult times…

“A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it’s in hot water.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

My family has had a whirlwind couple of years. Starting with my totaled bicycle, cracked helmet and months of physical therapy July 2010, a long awaited wedding to my best friend in July 2011, followed closely by a pregnancy that we found out was twins at 13 weeks. Our twin boys joined our family in March 2012 and we were on top of the world. We spent the summer watching them grow and change before our very eyes and we were so full of love, happiness and hope.

August 13th, 2012 our son Emmitt stopped breathing during a nap and died before the ambulance arrived—I shared our story last fall in the wake of the tragedy and all the emotions and challenges we were experiencing after the death of our son.

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The medical examiner eventually ruled it as SIDs and we fought to find our feet again as parents to our son Sullivan—our twinless twin. It’s been a year now and we still struggle. A cough while eating, or a bump on the head affects us as it does most parents, but perhaps the fear has a deeper hold on us. We still struggle to find the right filters for our fears, but through our challenges our son continues to grow and we maintain our free-range parenting style somehow.

The beginning of this year brought our family new and exciting news—a new baby due in the fall. We were overjoyed at the prospect of seeing our son with a sibling again! At 10 weeks we confirmed my suspicions that I was carrying spontaneous twins again. I knew in my gut since 6 weeks and after some initial shock we were so excited again. Around 20 weeks we found out we were expecting a boy and a girl this time and we were able to celebrate with a fantastic prize baby shower we won that a friend nominated me for.

We definitely have our days still. Tears fall more freely than they did the first 10 years of our relationship, but through it all we have become closer—with each other, with family and with friends.

In recent weeks, our son Sullivan has taken to a photo of his brother on our fridge. He moves it around the house to any metallic/magnetic surface and gives it kisses, even saying ‘Emmitt’ occasionally. It melts my heart but leaves me with questions of how he will process having lost his twin in the shadow of watching his twin siblings grow along with their bond. Our 2 sets of twins will be about 18 months apart in age when the babies arrive in a few short weeks and I’m hoping the close age difference softens the experience for Sullivan. He is so outgoing and loves children, I know he’ll be the very best big brother.

We still have irrational fears and struggles, but we are strong. We have each other and look forward to what the future promises us.

The best is yet to come” has become our new mantra.

In the last year our tragedy has brought us new friends and bonds with other families that have experienced similar loss. We lost our son, something I would not wish on anyone, but we have found a gift of love, support and strength in new and existing communities and unexpected places. We continue to move forward and take Emmitt with us, always.

When the Wishbone Cracked part 2 of 2

1. When the Wishbone Cracked by parenting
2. Looking Forward... by parenting