Hello bees.  One of your friendly bloggers here, posting under a not-too-thick cloak of anonymity, about the process of trying for number two.

Mrs. Mystery — why are you going incognito, you might ask?

Well, first and foremost, my mother follows my posts on Hellobee, and I can’t handle the thought of her consciously thinking about me and the Mr. going through the actual baby-making process.  Announcing that you are preggers is one thing, but cluing your family into the ins and outs of getting pregnant is, well, gross.  By the time I am pregnant with number two, I would like my parents to think that I have done the bedroom dance exactly three times: wedding night, baby one and baby two.

Second, and similar but more important, I am superstitious. I am 100% the person who didn’t announce her pregnancy until I was securely out of my first trimester. So while I won’t attach my face (or at least my icon) to my name, I’m sure those who regularly read the Hellobee blog will certainly be able to pluck me from the collection of bloggers just by my voice. My Mr. and I are tip-toeing back into the world of trying to conceive (TTC), and because so often, the HB blog only hears about pregnancy once it is well underway, I thought it would be worthwhile to share my journey to getting there (I hope!).  All that said, I hope you don’t mind my semi-secrecy.

Aaaaaaanyways, long introduction aside, here we are, creeping up on our official “pulling of the goalie” date.  Of course, it is difficult to begin this journey without reflecting on how we arrived at our first big fat positive (BFP).

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In my first TTC experience, we decided to start trying in January.  I went off of the pill, and for several months, we took a relaxed approach toward conception.  I paid a bit of attention to my cycle, made sure to find intimate time with my husband, peed on a ton of sticks, and saw a lot of negative tests.  I am the type of girl who doesn’t like to fail, and each time Aunt Flo (AF) arrived, I would feel dejected and hopeless about our chances. By the time we conceived in September, I was a Fertility Friend junkie, temping, charting and taking advantage of my husband on an every-other-day basis for weeks during my wacky long cycles (not that he minded… men.).  Finally holding my BFP, after the stress and worry of TTC, I was more relieved to be pregnant than excited to have a child at first. Of course, that led to excitement and nerves which led to tons of reading about all things pregnancy and baby, and I spent my 42 long weeks of pregnancy getting as prepared as I could as I took on this new role in life.

My greatest concern has been deciding when to begin the process.  This time around, I can’t be so cavalier about tossing my pill pack when the time is right. I use a Mirena IUD for birth control now, so “trying” requires a doctor’s appointment to remove it.  Figuring out our ideal child spacing plan simply came down to determining the absolute minimum we could imagine feasibly handling financially and emotionally, assuming we succeeded on our first try (since there is no possible way of knowing whether this TTC journey would be another nine month ordeal (or more!), or if I’d magically transform into a Fertile Myrtle, getting knocked up the first month).  Starting to try in September means that the closest separation we could possibly have (barring an unusually premature baby, of course) would be two years apart.

My greatest excitement is the prospect of bringing home another bundle of joy who we will love so dearly, who will become a playmate and hopefully best friend to our first.  While my memory of the sleepless nights that came with our first in the early months is foggy, I know that the later months when you watch their personality emerge, their sense of humor shine and their minds learn new skills make the tough first few months (and of course, the exhaustion of the nine months it takes them to get here) worth it. (Please remind me of this one day when I am banging my head against a wall, wondering why on earth I thought I was capable of raising an infant and a toddler at the same time.)

My greatest worry is that my fertility journey will mirror my mother’s.  She had minimal issues when conceiving her first (me!), but suffered from two miscarriages before having a sticky, successful pregnancy that led to my sister’s birth. While I highly doubt that we’ll have identical journeys, I know this will be something that lingers in the back of my mind throughout the process.

As we broach the potential expansion of our family, I know this process will be completely different. Again, we are tiptoeing into TTC, and my hubby insists that we give it a couple months before I start freaking out and going all science book on him about the logistics of my cycle. Last time, I was vigilant about setting my alarm to temp at the exact same time each morning, whereas now, I try to get as much sleep as I can before a long day of chasing a toddler. Already, I’m lucky if I remember to take my prenatal vitamin 5 out of 7 days in the week (which is exactly why I didn’t go back on the pill postpartum). In the meantime, I’m navigating the day-to-day adventures with my toddler and trying to relax and enjoy the ride to come.

How did you know when you were ready to try for #2?  What did you worry about and what were you most excited about?