By the end of this post you’ll know exactly who I am.
I wanted to write this as AnonyBee because I don’t particularly want this post attached to my archives. I’ve gained a most loyal fan in my computer savvy, elderly neighbor. While I do care for her a lot, I don’t really want to discuss this with her. Ever.
To be clear, there are more than one of us posting as AnonyBee right now. I’m not the one TTCing for #2. I’m the one getting my freak on, for fun.
That was a little vulgar. Let me explain.
Not long ago, there was a thread on the boards discussing a blogger who wrote about how she and her husband embarked on the journey of having sex every day for a year. I didn’t go through all of the comments, but I think it was mentioned that illness and unavoidable circumstances were excused, as was AF.
I read a magazine article years ago about a guy and his wife who embarked on this same journey for thirty days, and it was a very good thing for their marriage.
I brought this up in the thread if you’re still trying to figure out who I am. Got it? Good.
I thought about it for a few days. Mr. AnonyBee and I have recently had what some would call a dry spell. Not on purpose, but life seems to have caught up with us. We’re new parents. I probably don’t need to add anything to that, but I will. We’re new parents who went through an extended period of timed intercourse, calculating dates and times, and taking pills during our struggle with infertility. You know what’s not fun? That.
TTC and IF Bees, I know you can relate. When you first start TTC you’re all “Yay! Let’s have sex and get pregnant!” and then after a while you’re all “Can you just take your pants off, already?” There is no spontaneity involved when a doctor says you need to have sex in a specific window of time, in a specific position, with a specific sperm quality, and follicle measurement. If that doesn’t scream candles and Keith Sweat, I don’t know what does. It takes the fun right out.
I didn’t give birth to our son, but even so, my body went through some changes adjusting to my new sedentary lifestyle. I stopped working out, I lost my social circle that I had at work, I spent my days at home with a baby while my husband worked. When he came home, I just wanted to talk to him. I wanted to have some kind of conversation, which was usually me telling him the horrific things I saw on all five news shows I had watched that day. He was tired and just wanted to sleep.
We got into a pretty serious argument about our lack of sex a few days before that thread showed up on the boards, so when I read it, I really considered it. I tossed it back and forth for a few days, and then when we were sitting at the dinner table, I put my hands over our son’s ears and asked my husband to have sex with me every day for a month.
He laughed.
I will be completely honest: I did not see this making positive changes. I thought I was going to be exhausted and dread the extra physical activity I was pushing my already exhausted body into doing. I mean, I’m already tired, and then add sex on top of that. With this attitude, I’m not even sure why I suggested it in the first place. I don’t know that I actually thought I would follow through with it. My husband didn’t think I would. He told me I couldn’t handle it, so then I had to prove him wrong.
Then, the weirdest things started happening. We stayed on track with our commitment, and what I thought was already a great marriage, got better. We started talking to each other about real things, not just superficial conversation. We started laughing again like we used to. My husband offered to work something out with me so that I could go back to the gym. I started feeling good about myself again. Without the elephant in the room, we were able to relax.
And I didn’t dread getting into bed every night either. I enjoyed myself.
The nights I just wanted to go to sleep instead, I didn’t. I made myself stick with the agreement, and don’t you know, I ended up happy I stayed awake.
I can’t say this is something everyone should do. I’m saying that for me, the original blogger mentioned in the boards thread, and the guy in the magazine article, this was very worth it. This gave me my marriage back. This has made us better parents, because nothing is better for a child than two parents on the same page, ridiculously in love.
honeydew / 7504 posts
Just the thought of making that kind of commitment exhausts me, but perhaps that’s why I should consider it. Since I got pregnant over a year ago, Hubs and I have DTD like 6 times. It’s awful and I hate it and I want to do something about it but I’m SO DAMN TIRED. But maybe something like this is good motivation, because I do feel like we’re less connected. Hmmm…. Thanks for this! It’s given me some serious food for thought!
apricot / 347 posts
love this – good for you anonybee
I loved the original blogger’s post and the points she was making, and i love yours!
persimmon / 1281 posts
Wow what a challenge…and what amazing benefits
I truly believe God intends sex in marriage for these amazing benefits. However, BD’ing every other day during my fertile week is already a workout. Perhaps I’ll let DH read this and see if he’s up to it. Thanks for sharing!
bananas / 9229 posts
We just made it through 5 out of the last 6 days and I’m wiped! TTC definitely takes the fun out of it but I think something like this is good to consider…
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I feel like I ought to try something like this because our marriage is definitely lacking in this department with our new baby… but I also really don’t want to do it! Does that make me a bad wife…?
coconut / 8305 posts
So glad you gave it a try & that you’re seeing good results! Maybe we’ll try something like this!
grapefruit / 4997 posts
Sounds wonderful and a fun thing to try and glad it reignited the romance, but I feel so blah & unsexy lately. I really need to get back to the gym!
bananas / 9357 posts
Thank you for sharing! And go you for sticking to it! I definitely notice a shift in my relationship when we are more intimate with each other.
GOLD / papaya / 10166 posts
I’m so glad this worked for you and to hear you’re like two little lovebirds again
guest
I just suggested this to DH. I am doing a surrogacy for another family and I think it would be fun to do before the transfer scheduled for next month. Especially since we won’t be DTD for a month or so while we wait for the embryo to stick. Thanks for the idea!
kiwi / 511 posts
I think this is a great idea and I keep thinking maybe next month I will suggest this to my DH who I know will be on board. But next month never happens, I think that it is because I am tired a lot but getting less tired (sweet!) but he is not but that does not generally deter him. But our schedules are certainly off, he needs to go to bed earlier than I do and after doing it I like to just stay in bed and relax. But it is too early for me to go to sleep and I don’t like to read in bed and there is no TV in our bedroom for a reason so it seems like a hassle.
See excuses, I got them. I need to shift my mind to embrace the thought that much like there will never be a perfect time to TTC (in the general sense of where you are in your life and finances not the actual time in reference to ovulation etc) there will never be a perfect time to go for this experiment.
I also know that my DH sleeps better after it and he has sleep issues that I try to help him with. So if I really want to help, I need to do it more, you know so he sleeps better. I really need to do this for science!
guest
Ha! This was my DH’s response: You know me, I’m always up for it. We should start going to bed at 9 though.
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
I think this would be great for us to try. We are both tired at night but I know we need to get some sort of us back post baby. The only problem is he travels during the week. But I can talk to him about doing it every weekend.
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts
That blogger was just on the today show!
We are giving it an EOD try. Every day is too hard, no pun intended. His work obligations mean I’m sometimes asleep by the time he gets home.
I agree. MAJOR relationship improvements.
guest
@Amanda, my DH would react the exact same way!
bananas / 9229 posts
@Mrs. Jump Rope: Which one? The sex every day blogger or for the month? I’ll have to check it out!
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts
@LindsayInNY: yup, Brittany! They even video interviewed her husband. It aired this week.
guest
I can’t help myself. DH just followed up with a silly follow up response:
just found out randy savage recorded an entire rap album,… hope you enjoy making love to this album for the next month
This is why I love the dude.
persimmon / 1178 posts
inspiring.
pea / 8 posts
Go girl!
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts
It is a good idea. I hope things continue to go well. I think a month is a reasonable commitment. I don’t know about a year
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
We’re in the middle of trying this too, but we’ve gotten off track the past few days.
pear / 1672 posts
The sheer fact that you mentioned Keith Sweat makes me love you AnonyBee #2. Good luck !
guest
Congrats! 30 days sounds reasonable to me — a year seems like overkill. LOL I just read a book about a journalist who did a 100 day stint with his wife. What I found most interesting was all of the other daily adjustments they did to make sure they DTD that night, like not over-eating at dinner, keeping the room clean/clutter-free, etc. It requires intentionality all day and not just “in the moment.”
Also, fun fact, you opened this by talking about how you didn’t want your sweet neighbor to know about your little intimate challenge — this journalist told nearly EVERYONE, including his parents, about their challenge. I was mortified for his wife. lol