After I wrote this post on the first week of school, things started to go downhill for Little Piñata at daycare. The problem is probably related to separation anxiety, over-tiredness, and it’s just a two day a week program so he never gets a chance for it to really become routine to him.
Before he even started I was quite nervous about how he would do since he was having some issues in the church nursery, which is only for an hour a week. However, I was pleasantly surprised when the first couple of weeks he did great! He didn’t eat a lot of lunch and he was tired and needed his lovey/paci a lot, but we were ok with that. He seemed to enjoy playing in the sandbox outside and meeting new kids to play with. But a couple of weeks into the school year things started getting ugly. Part of the problem is that he is used to 2 naps at home, but they only do one nap at noon. This means that he’s used to going down for a nap by 10:30am at home, but he has to wait until noon at school. This makes for an especially cranky 1.5 hours before he can lie down. I have tried on so many occasions to remedy this by doing just one nap with him at home, but within 2-3 days he gets overtired, starts waking up all night inconsolable and stops sleeping well for that one nap.
I think another issue is that he’s learned that I’m right around the corner. It’s impossible to know for sure, but I imagine that knowing that his mom is so near but not with him when he’s sad must be hard. This is also the worst part for me. Since he’s quite the high pitched screamer, I can hear him crying and screaming throughout the day. Of course, this prevents me from being able to focus on my own students and it takes everything in me to keep from running down the hall to comfort him! His teacher says that he’s upset, crying or screaming about 80% of the time they’re awake. Ugh. In the first couple of weeks, having his lovey/paci kept him calm and comforted when he got sad. But, apparently it’s no longer working. We’re told he can be ok for a few minutes at a time if he’s really distracted, but he then gets upset and starts crying again and says “momma” over and over.
Right now we have absolutely no idea what to do about this situation. On the days he goes to school we give him an early bedtime, but he has interrupted night sleep, so I know there’s a component of over-tiredness going on right now. We have talked and done trouble-shooting with his teacher, but there’s nothing we can do about the school schedule. Since he’s at the same place I work, moving to another center wouldn’t help or be useful. It’s also frustrating because the program is open just on Mondays and Wednesdays so he can never really “get used to it” since he’s still home 4/7 days of the week (and at my parents’ house once a week).
All that to say, this post has absolutely no advice in it, nor do I think there is any particularly helpful advice to be given. I think this may be one of the times in parenting where things just aren’t working and you have to push through and give it time. We have an amount of time in our head that we’re willing to continue with this before we re-evaluate everything and decide if we need to do something completely different. But for now we will give Little Piñata a bit more time to adjust and will hope that within a month or two he will be ready to do just one nap at home too, and that will help his tiredness at school. The truth is that this phase can’t last forever. Either Little Piñata will get used to daycare or a point will come when we realize he just can’t do it right n
Ow. I really hope it goes the positive route! It’s so miserable knowing your sweet child is so upset for so many hours in a day!
This is the sweet, smiling child at home! So sad to hear him cry at school!
Has anyone else had such a difficult transition to daycare or childcare? How long did it take your little one to finally transition and be comfortable there?
guest
It’s good to hear other moms going through a similar situation to us! We are struggling because my son is just going to school (Mother’s Day Out) one day a week and he only gets about a 45 minute nap there. He is used to at least a 2 hour nap! I thought it would be fine– it’s just one day a week! But it seems to really mess him up for the rest of the week and then once we are back to a normal schedule and he is sleeping well at night and taking a good 2 hour nap– it’s time for school again!! I also think there isn’t really a good solution as an early bedtime hasn’t done the trick! I just think we have to wait and get through this rough transition time! Hope it helps to know others are in the same spot!
cherry / 187 posts
Oh man. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. It must be heart wrenching to hear him scream and cry! I’m worried about the structure of a daycare center as well as we’re considering a switch with my daughter. With her current in home daycare, there are only a few kids so she can eat, sleep, etc. on her own schedule even at 2 yrs old. I know it is not that way at a daycare center and I’m not sure how she’d do. Good luck! I hope just some time passing helps!
guest
We put our son in daycare at 14mo, and it was for 3 days a week. It was a very difficult transition. Lots of crying for both of us. I think it took about 4 months for things to get a whole lot better, meaning no more crying.
He’s 3 now and still has weeks where he has trouble parting in the morning, but most if the time he’s happy to go to school.
It gets easier, eventually. Good luck.
guest
I agree its probably a harder adjustment since he only goes part time =(
We started my daughter in daycare at 15 months (fulltime) and we had 3 weeks of crying and then it stopped -it was so hard!
Hang in there!
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
@Emily- That’s exactly how we feel! It seems like once we “recover” it’s time to go back to school again and he gets messed up. Let’s both hope that with time it gets better for us both!
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
@tipperella: That’s really nice to be in an in-home situation so they can be more flexible with the schedules. I’m hoping that passing time helps as well!
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
@Erin, I’m so sorry you had to go through something similar! I think with the part-time days, it may just take some of our kids longer to get adjusted.
I’m so glad to hear it eventually gets better!
A friend of ours that is a nurse said that even though it’s really hard to go through that phase it’s also a really good sign because it means our babies are well attached to us.
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
@Gina Thanks for the encouragement! It sounds like our LOs were exactly the same age when they started, so I’m so glad to hear we’re not the only ones! I know it’s so hard to hang in there knowing our babies are sad.
coffee bean / 30 posts
aww – I am putting my 15month LO in daycare and getting really anxious and nervous. I noticed that the teachers do not feed the kids but they all self feed. Does your daycare assist with feeding if the toddlers aren’t good at it?
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
@lauk80: I think it’s totally normal to be anxious about it! I was too! At our “school” they definitely say all the food needs to be self-feed, so DS doesn’t eat much there.
He mostly self-feeds at home, but needs some encouragement in order to continue eating. One thing we’ve been working on is him feeding himself with a spoon, so I’m hoping they will let me bring some things that he can feed himself within a couple of months.
Otherwise we just know that we will need to give him a snack on either end because he mostly just nibbles on his sandwich during lunch. I think he’s also distracted by the other little ones there. I bet if your LO is there every day s/he will get better at it very soon!
One thing that saves us are those pouches. He will eat one of those no problem and doesn’t need help.
coffee bean / 30 posts
thanks so much Mrs. Pinata. My LO started 1st day of daycare today. We’ll see how it goes – will probably pick up before nap time. We’ve also been working on feeding with a spoon – but most of it doesn’t land in the mouth! thanks so much for the feedback – very helpful!
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
@lauk80: I hope the first day went well! Yeah, I think it takes a long time to get the whole concept of a spoon to work.
For now we’re just sending bits of sandwich, and cut up fruit and veggies. He’s not eating much so we haven’t had a lot of success yet, but he DOES eat a big dinner when he comes home! ha!