I just spent a weekend away visiting my sister in San Francisco. While I recently left Miss H for the first time, it was a trip Mr. H and I took together. This time, it was me taking off on my own while Mr. H was home with Miss H (and because Mr. H had to work over the weekend, my parents helped out).
I was counting down the minutes until this trip – I needed the mental and physical break from all of the laundry, dishes, and parenting decisions. I love Miss H to pieces, but sometimes it’s critical to have a little down time.
After a 4.5 hour long flight, my weekend went by with a lot of:
Enjoying Napa (can you sense I despise being in front of the camera?!)
Dining al fresco while staring at the gorgeous San Francisco scenery.
Shopping for bento supplies for Miss H at the Japantown Mall
Devouring the most amazing ramen.
Cozying up to some amazing coffee.
All the while, Miss H was getting sick. First appetite loss, then rash, then low fever. Mr. H was struggling to decide how serious the symptoms were and what he should do. He looped me in to what was going on and we furiously texted back and forth. “How bad is the rash? Have you taken her temperature again? Can you try and call the doctor’s office again to try and get someone to call you back?” I realized in that moment how helpless you feel when something is wrong with your baby and you can’t be there to fix it.
Miss H standing by her growth chart – she’s getting so big!
I found myself immediately wishing that I hadn’t taken this trip and did a lot of “If only…” – If only I hadn’t gone away, if only I was there to help Mr. H make decisions… I could go on and on. My fun weekend away that I had been daydreaming about for months was quickly filled with anxiety and stress. And, of course, the big “G” – GUILT.
Here I was on the last night of my trip feeling incredibly guilty over something I had absolutely not control over and could do nothing to change. My rational self knew that she probably would have gotten sick whether or not I had been home with her, and that she would be fine with her loving father who would fuss over her plenty. But my guilty mom self still felt like I shouldn’t have taken this trip, and Miss H getting sick appeared as a sign that I obviously shouldn’t have taken the time away.
While I was otherwise enjoying my little weekend break (before news of Miss H’s illness), I was more than excited to come home to my family. We still didn’t know what was going on with Miss H, but it was amazing to see her smiling face the next morning. She seemed bigger than the little girl I’d left just a few days before!
(Later that day while I was at work, Mr. H noted that she had little blisters on the palms of her hands. Mystery solved! I knew immediately that her symptoms meant Hand, Food and Mouth Disease [read more about it here], a very common virus amongst little kids. And something we really couldn’t keep her from being exposed to.)
Obviously, I have come to terms with my “guilty mom self” and have made myself push aside the guilt. I know there will be future trips where I’ll be away, and as Miss H grows, future trips where she’ll go away to camp and other fun activities. And these trips are necessary and important and just a part of life. Somehow, I just have to be ok with that and know that I can’t always be there to solve every problem.
Do you ever get hit bit a big case of mom guilt?
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6703 posts
My first (and so far only) weekend away, LO started talking. I missed her first word, and DH didn’t film it on his phone or anything. When he told me, I started crying.
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
First, good for you!! I think Mama-trips are amazing for recharging your batteries! But, I’m sorry about the situation with Miss H and all the guilt. That’s rough. I think all the guilt I had dropping off my child at school when he did NOT want to be there seriously impacted my ability to be productive during the day… Guilt is pretty powerful!
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts
I suffer from extreme mommy guilt. Sometimes I just don’t know how to make it go away. Even when I try to tell myself it’s fine and I am being silly I just can’t get it to stop.
cherry / 187 posts
I definitely am a sufferer! I have to travel for work so have my share of stories where I left and my daughter was sick, woke up multiple times, etc. The worst was when my daughter started walking (at 19 months…we had been waiting for this milestone!) and I couldn’t even get home for 4 days to see it myself because of a snowstorm. Rough. She was (and is) fine though. It’s my problem. I feel the same way about even taking a little time for myself on weekends.
pomegranate / 3053 posts
Exactly. I always feel like I should be doing everything but am starting to give my husband more responsibilities with the kids b/c it is just becoming too much for me. Us moms do need some “me” time every once in a while to keep our sanity. Things happen and it sounds like your husband took care of everything while keeping you in the loop.
I can’t wait when my husband can take care of our kids by himself for a few days.
And being in the Bay Area… I’m sooo jealous! My old stomping grounds.
Isn’t Ichiban Kan THE best store, ever? Well, I think it is!
Did you get a bunch of bento supplies there? My old place is just three blocks from Japan Town so I used to go there to eat ALL the time. I live near a Daiso in Asia and it’s just as dreamy at Ichiban Kan.
Thanks for sharing your amazing trip. Miss H is soooo adorable! Sorry she had HFM though. My oldest just went through that and although his case was mild it was still tough on everyone, especially since I was trying to sanitize and keep my two boys apart which was impossible.
blogger / apricot / 366 posts
@erwoo: my sister lives in Pacific Heights so we were able to enjoy all of the good ramen, sushi and shopping around her
I don’t think I bought everything at Ichiban Kan – the place I got a bunch of bento supplies from was a store where basically everything was $1.50. Although I could be wrong about the name. But whatever it was, it was heaven! I got the cutest little melamine bowls for Miss H and a bunch of other random goodness!
I know, HFM is no fun but Miss H handled it wonderfully and she’s completely over it. I think her case was probably somewhat mild (no major mouth sores from what we could tell); I can imagine it’s hard when you have two kiddos!!