You’ve all heard of how the Terrible Twos really start at 18 months… and even possibly how the Traumatic Threes are even worse than the Twos. I distinguish the two from each other in that during the Twos, your child doesn’t really understand right from wrong, so they need to learn while challenging you… while during the Threes, they do know the difference, but still challenge you!
I can’t even describe how disheartening, as the mother of an infant, to hear, “oh, just wait til he hits the Terrible Twos… actually much sooner than 2 years old…” and even MORE discouraging to hear, “oh actually, the Threes are even worse than the Twos” while you’re going through those Terrible Twos.
But I am here to proclaim the good news.
The Fours are… FABULOUS!!!
Our fabulous four year old’s school picture
The most fabulous thing about the Fabulous Fours is that children start to do things for themselves.
Of course, every child’s development proceeds at different rates, and every child’s temperament is different, so the “Fabulous Fours” might hit some time before or after they hit age 4, But Wagon Jr. seemed to hit them right around the time he turned 4, which is great timing for us because Lil Miss Wagon is about to turn 18 months and is well into her Terrible Twos already.
Here are some key ways in which the Fours have been Fabulous for us.
- He doesn’t need us first thing in the morning. Now that he’s in a regular bed, we’ve given him a digital alarm clock that sits on his bedside table. He knows that he needs to stay laying down until the sun comes up, and he can’t leave his room until the first number turns to 7. Most mornings he reads books and plays with his stuffed animals, and comes running into our room announcing that his clock says 7.
- He can dress himself. All I need to do is place his clothes on his bedside table the night before, and he can change from his pajamas to his playclothes.
- He can go to the bathroom without assistance. As he’s accustomed to, whenever he has to go to the bathroom, he announces “I have to go potty!” But instead of scrambling to help him there, I say “…then go!” and he runs off. The only thing he needs help is with wiping if it’s a bowel movement. He does know how to wipe, but he’s not quite thorough enough just yet. Going to the bathroom by himself also means that he can go in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning without waking us up. And to go along with that…
- He can wash his hands. We have a tall stepstool at the sink in each bathroom, so he can climb up, lean over to turn on the water, dispense soap, wash his hands, and dry them all by himself. Which means he doesn’t need us at all when he goes to the bathroom, and we can tell him to wash up before dinner so he can wash them while we’re putting food on the table.
- He can brush his teeth. He brushes his teeth at daycare, and at bedtime this means he only needs help with his bath. While we’re prepping his bath, he brushes his own teeth (puts the toothpaste on the toothbrush, fills his cup, etc.) and goes to the bathroom by himself.
- We don’t have to help him eat. Most meals don’t require a bib anymore, he can use utensils (including kiddie chopsticks), and he can put his plate in the sink when he’s done.
- He can blow his nose. He’s been able to do this for a while now, but it’s a wonderful thing, so I’m putting it in here!
- He can get places on his own. Up and down the stairs, through the baby gate locks, up into his carseat (and sometimes he buckles himself in, but we still check him before we drive off), up into his or our bed… we pretty much never have to physically help him get anywhere. Which helps when you’re alone with him and a clingy toddler!
- Educational games on the tablet. Now that he knows all his numbers and letters, he can finally actually play the educational games I’ve downloaded onto our tablet. Before, he could play the matching and coloring games, but the wealth of apps that he can actually use and learn from now is huge! And I don’t feel as guilty about tablet screentime as I do with TV.
There are, of course, so many other things that are fabulous. And obviously, it’s not all sugar and roses… he still has tantrums and has to go into Time Out several times a week. And it’s a whole new world of tantrums… sometimes we find ourselves actually arguing with him. This is good AND bad: good in that we can reason with him (we explain, and he understands, why he can or can’t do something) but bad in that he is now willful, talks back, and we’re much harder on him when he does something that he already knows is wrong. And of course, the whole world of lies, excuses, backtalk, and objections has totally opened up. We’ve already had a few “you have to tell the truth, even if it will get you into trouble” speeches, and luckily for us, he seems to take to them very well (so far!).
I think the only really bad thing about Four is that WJ still really needs a nap, but often refuses, so around 5pm things start breaking down. He’s gone to bed without dinner a few times… but he never wakes up crying for food, and usually just downs a huge breakfast in the morning!
Have the fours been fabulous for your LO? If your LO isn’t four yet, what are you most looking forward to?
cherry / 159 posts
oh wow, the fours sound amazing! I can’t wait to get there. My brother keeps telling not to keep wishing away the newborn months because it only gets more difficult from there. Like you, it’s real disheartening hear things like “you wait till she starts walking; you won’t be able to get anything done.”
Thanks for your post. I am really looking forward to the Fours now
pineapple / 12793 posts
I love him. What a sweet little guy you have!
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
The stuff he says cracks me up when you post it. He is so cute.
coconut / 8279 posts
aw yay!!
there are so many things ahead of us that I’m nervous about – potty training, transferring to a toddler bed, speech – but this post makes me smile
& he’s such a cutie, love him!
grapefruit / 4049 posts
The 4s were pretty great in general for us, but we went through a lot of changes that year, so it was still tough at times. I have really, really loved the 5s though! Having a kindergartener is so amazing… She’s turning 6 soon, and I’m going to miss it, but I hear 5-7 yo are the golden years of childhood, so I’m treasuring it all as much as possible!
grapefruit / 4717 posts
And this is why I love the idea of having a 2nd when my son is 4!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
This makes me look so forward to the fours, but oh my… so far the three’s (and the months leading up to the three’s) have been fabulous for us too!! I don’t know if that will change in the coming months or not bc N just turned three, but she’s been amazing lately.
Wagon Jr. is soooo cute, handsome, studly, sweet, cuuuute (oh wait, I think I said that already) – I love your kids! I need to implement that alarm clock idea, but right now we don’t mind her coming into our room in the morning to sleep in with us until we have to get ready for work.
honeydew / 7488 posts
He’s so adorable! 4s were pretty good, 5 have been rough. Mrs. Bird called it the “F-ing Fives” and I concur. I’m looking forward to the Stupendous Sixes (I just made that up and am hoping to God it’s true).
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
I think we lucked out and had “Terrific Threes”? Lol. She does all the things on on your list so wow…could the Fours be even better?? We’ll find out in the spring!
His school photo is too cute!!
blogger / kiwi / 675 posts
ADORABLE! so so cute
I like hearing about the fours thanks for all the insight.
pomegranate / 3503 posts
Great post. When I’m in the thick of it, I still question when it gets easier. But you are right, overall, things have been easier. My son still asks to go to the bathroom too even though he can do it and wash his hands all on his own. He won’t go until I respond with “go!”.
pomegranate / 3053 posts
Gosh, I really should look at my oldest’s fours as fabulous b/c he does everything you’ve mentioned except that he still calls us in the morning and wants us to take him to the bathroom for middle of the night potties. I guess I’m too focused on his behavior rather than what he can do now which is a lot like you said about the fours. Maybe the move overseas changed him and we’re still in transition. In 3 more months he will be 5. Wow, five! I hope it gets better. The attitude and talking back has been frequent lately. Sometimes, I feel so much anger from him when he’s upset. I am still trying to figure out how to deal with it b/c sometime’s it’s kind of explosive.
Does Wagon Jr. have those? And, that is seriously the most adorable school picture!
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
I. can’t. wait.
– Rubies, mother of a 2.5-year old toddler.
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
@erwoo: We haven’t dealt too much with anger yet with his attitude (he goes straight to tears instead) but I suspect that is next!!
pomegranate / 3053 posts
@mrs. wagon: You’re lucky! And hopefully he won’t either.