Hellobee

I’ve written about how we handle my travel for my family’s sake, but I also have a few tips for how I respect my own needs when I travel.

I maximize my time away. If I’m going to take time away from my family, alone, I’m not going to spend it watching reality TV in my room. Building and maintaining relationships is huge for someone in my role and who isn’t in the same office as my colleagues, so I schedule dinners each night, coffee breaks during the day, and do drive-by visits when I can fit them in around my meeting schedule. I use quiet evenings to slam through projects requiring focus.

I allow myself to enjoy the downtime. As I mentioned in a comment, I realized that I was looking for validation from my husband that I was working hard for my family to combat my guilt for being away, while he was looking for acknowledgement that he was working hard for our family by holding down the fort. Once we got past that, I was better able to admit that yes, stretching out on a freshly-made bed was quite amazing, thanks.

When you normally travel like a pack mule with toddler and husband in tow, it’s nice to board a plane with only your own stuff. Sitting and reading a book for the duration of the flight feels like a luxury; setting down a drink without a lid on it can feel like freedom, if only for a moment. I do sightsee sometimes, but only if it happens to replenish me personally.

I’m okay being “that mom with the photos and videos.” I’m not normally this way, but when I travel, if you ask me about my son, I will whip out his latest video or scroll through photos I think are hilarious. My male colleagues sometimes do this too, so I’m comfortable being a happy parent who misses her child and telling you my latest sweet story.

I’m careful about reentry. The toughest moment for me is walking in the door to my house and directly back into family life. Somehow the chaos and transition all hit me, while standing in the doorway loaded down by my stuff while trying to be nice and happy and calm and helpful all at once… and I fail. So, if I’m coming home during my son’s waking hours, I request that they meet me at a restaurant for a meal. We can re-engage and tell stories while someone else handles our physical needs and they catch me up on routine changes so I can join the team again. By the time we get home, I’m ready to be the parent on duty and give my husband some time away, and he’s confident that I won’t undo any progress he’s made in my absence.

I miss my family when I’m not with them, but sometimes I have to leave for work. I used to pretend I didn’t enjoy a single moment of the time away because somehow that should made it better, but in the end, we’re all better off if we make the best of it.

Any other tips for the traveling parent?