This may be the best job ever. I was so nervous going into my new adventure as a SAHM; I just didn’t think I was cut-out for staying home with a toddler. But so far, it’s been nothing but sunshine and roses. Ok, maybe just partly sunny and carnations, but for the most part, I don’t miss my old life as a working mom. I’m six months into my SAHM gig and these are some of my thoughts on the major issues that caused me stress before I made the transition.

checking out the choo-choos at the botanical gardens on a *gasp* weekday

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Money

Money has always been a stressor in our lives, which I think is true for everyone. We live in one of the most expensive cities in the country, we have two cars, one of which we’re still paying for, and my parents live far enough away that a trip to see them costs at least $350 in fuel and tolls or double that for airfare. Furthermore, before I was squeezed out of my job, we’d taken on a major renovation and addition project to our house. A lot of things were not in our financial favor at the beginning of this new chapter.

However, we’ve always been very frugal, which has proven to be a saving grace in our current situation. We’ve definitely felt the squeeze, but it’s not nearly as bad as I expected it to be. We rarely went out for dinner or ordered takeout before, we do it exactly never now. I haven’t been to a movie in years! We’ve downgraded our TV service, but not to the extent that we don’t get the shows we like to watch. We have slower, less expensive Internet service, which has had zero effect on the speed of our surfing. We downgraded our phone plans, but haven’t seen an impact there either. I stick to a food budget and will borrow from the next month, if we’re at the 29th day and need milk. And of course the not-so-little expense of daycare isn’t there any longer.

But perhaps the biggest saver of all: I don’t shop. Or I try not to at least. I didn’t go to the mall during Christmas time, we only bought gifts for each other that were things we really needed (a new tea kettle and French press to replace one that broke.) And I buy stuff used off my mom’s network and gladly accept hand-me-downs if Little M needs something.

What’s most interesting to me is that I don’t feel like I’m missing out by not eating out and not shopping. We have so much “stuff” already that just putting laundry away makes me yearn for less! And while I used to nag Mr. Stroller about never eating out, now that I have built time into my day to cook dinner, I don’t mind sitting at my own table every night. Making dinner isn’t a harried chore anymore, so I don’t long for a break.

 making matzo ball soup for dinner together

People

I worked from home for years before leaving my last job, which I loved. I talked on the phone with coworkers frequently, but it did get lonely at times. Now that I’m not working I find that I am far more social than I ever was “at work” and I love it!

I take Little M to two classes a week, we have a weekly playgroup, several library story hours and I have a running group that meets weekly and spontaneously too. The classes are parent-child interactive, so I don’t have much opportunity to socialize one-on-one with other adults, but I’m with them and it feels like a social time. The running group (Moms Run this Town – there are chapters all over the country) has been a really fun way to get to know other moms in my area, plus running with friend makes the miles zip by. I can always find someone to join me for a post-nap stroller run on a sunny afternoon.

These activities are things I did not have the opportunity to participate in regularly when I worked. I find that I have far more social interaction now than when I was working, which I think has improved my happiness overall, not just with my new SAHM status.

Brain

Not “using my brain” and my education as a lawyer was one of my biggest concerns when I stopped working. I won’t go into the details of my previous job, but the really interesting developments and challenges decreased the longer I held the position and were few and far between toward the end. My company and coworkers were wonderful, but the position was no longer a challenge.

I love a good challenge. You know what’s really challenging? Toddlers.

Bottom line is, I shouldn’t have been worried I wouldn’t be using my brain or be challenged. Sure, I’m not technically using my law school education, but I always saw law school more as a process than a means to an end. I loved the learning I did there, but I didn’t dream of doc review and courtrooms for three years while I was there.

Now I’m getting schooled in the twos and I’m loving this learning just as much. I find myself reading Janet Lansbury’s blog and consulting other parenting gurus to figure out how to deal with the latest challenges my little guy presents. I feel like I’m still pursuing learning opportunities and approaching this new job as a SAHM like I did previous out-of-the-home positions.


doing the dishes for mummy!

Boredom

How naïve I was. Our days are the perfect balance of relaxed time together, independent play, directed play, scheduled activities and nap (my favorite, of course!). I’m simply never bored. In fact, every week I look forward to Thursday, a day when we have no scheduled activities and can play outside in the snow all morning long, if we’d like.

I find that I have less time to get stuff done that I’d prefer to do by myself like running out for a quick errand, unpacking as we move into the addition, etc. but nap time is usually enough time to feel like I’ve made a dent in things. Lately Little M is becoming more independent with his play, so I can set him up with PlayDoh and spend an hour working on something near him. Just last week he sat on my lap while we sewed a crib sheet together for a friend!


hanging out in our pjs with PawPaw, playing with blocks

Perception by Others

I generally don’t focus too much on what others think of me. Rather I try my best to be kind and polite and hope that’s how I’m perceived. During the transition to being a SAHM, I didn’t think twice about what my peers would think of my decision.

So when a fellow attorney and former friend asked a mutual friend, in a not so nice way, “what does she DO all day?” I was taken aback. While I know the question came from a place of misunderstanding and maybe envy (as my mom would suggest), it hurt. I’ve moved past the hurt from that comment and accepted that until she walks a mile in my shoes, we won’t be on the same page. And I feel some pity that she’s not on board the “let’s support other women” train.

Most days around 2:30 just before Little M wakes from his nap and the chaos begins again, I get a feeling in my chest that I can only explain as the “wow, how did I get so lucky” feeling. My little coworker appreciates my time and effort more than any employer in the world ever could. And that makes any hurtful comment, stress over budget, and non-existent coffee date with coworkers totally worth it.

Did you find the transition to being a SAHM or a WOHM easier than you anticipated? Were you like me stressing over a change that ended up making you happier than before?