There was an article floating around about how when moms know best, it can be the worst. Although the article is talking more about allowing others around you (specifically the dads) to help more, it made me think about that phrase “mother knows best.”

I remember the first few weeks of caring for a newborn, there were so many questions and options to think about. A conversation with Mr. Pencil went mostly like this:

Mr. Pencil: “So… what should we do?”
Me: “I don’t know… what do you think?”
Mr. Pencil: “I don’t know, what do you think?”
Me: “I don’t know, what do you think?”

There are so many unsolvable equations involved with parenting. What time should he start going to sleep? When should we up his bottle dosage? When should we start sleep training? Is being a little cold better than being a little hot?

No matter how many guide books you read, they will never be able to give you the best answer for your baby. So basically when we don’t know what the heck we’re doing, it all comes down to the parents. What? Why? Because I’m the mother, duh! Oh right. If there is anyone in the entire world that should make a decision, it should be me! But I can’t help to keep looking around me thinking, “Wait… am I doing this correctly? Is this the right decision?” Even a nod from a total stranger would give me a boost of confidence. But when there’s nobody around you, I often feel like I’m spinning in circles just making random guesses. Is this what parenting is like?

Here are the guesses decisions I make on an everyday basis for my 3 month old:

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  • What he should wear that day (Is today hot? Cold? Does he need socks? Mittens?)
  • If I should stretch out his feeding a few minutes more
  • Should I turn on the fan or the AC? Or nothing?!
  • If I should let him sleep or wake him up for a feeding (especially when it took a long time to get him to sleep!)
  • What activity would be best next (Reading a book? A song? Activity mat? Tummy time?)
  • What outdoor activity I will be doing that day (Stroller walk or a moby wrap walk)
  • What time his bath will be (Depends on his feeding times)
  • Whether I will swaddle him with a velcro swaddle or a regular cloth
  • All of his nap times (I’m still figuring this one out! Sometimes I can’t tell whether he’s just cranky or tired)

So many people talk about this natural instinct that kicks in during motherhood, but for me my instincts were a giant blank box. Slowly I learned that this “instinct” can be gained as you get to know your baby, but it happens very, very gradually. It grows as you start doing all the wrong things and your baby screams bloody murder. Then you remember, OK do NOT ever do that thing! As your long list of “do not ever do this again” whittles down, you start learning what things your baby does not absolutely hate. So yes, this takes a while!

There is no right decision, but rather there is a decision that is “good for now.” It reminds me a bit of wedding planning when you are overwhelmed with options and there is no “right” choice. You just go with whatever you want and stick to it.

So the next time the doctor or the friend or the stranger asks us a question, I will try to be more confident in my answers. It may not always be right but since I spend the most amount of time with him, my guesses will still be the best answer for the time being.


My “what do I do!?” picture with Baby Pencil.