While I was in the Philippines, I read French Kids Eat Everything: How Our Family Moved to France, Cured Picky Eating, Banned Snacking, and Discovered 10 Simple Rules for Raising Happy, Healthy Eaters and absolutely loved it. It’s the story of how author Karen Le Billon, her husband, and two young children move to a small town in France where her husband grew up, and completely transform their (unhealthy) North American eating habits.

I used to think that my kids were picky because they ate far less than any of their peers. Charlie in particular never liked solids since he was an infant, had a very sensitive gag reflex/threw up frequently, and still struggles with constipation. But I’ve met children with true food issues from severe allergies, extreme sensitivities (only eating a handful of foods total) to swallowing issues, so I know that our challenges are much more trivial in comparison.

Admittedly eating is still one of my biggest daily parenting struggles though. The kids have small appetites (they’re more than happy to skip entire meals regularly), almost every meal is such a struggle even when I serve foods they like, and they have a great fear of trying new foods. In hopes of changing all this, I’ve been trying to think more French when it comes to our food rules. After an embarrassing family meal in the Philippines where Charlie and Olive refused to eat the lunch that was served (pickiness is not a problem in El Nido!), I was determined to apply some of the ideas in the book to my own kids and transform their eating habits.

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There is much to say about this book, and I’ll probably devote at least one more post to it, but I thought I’d start with Le Billon’s 10 French Food Rules, and how I’ve been applying them to my own life.

1) Parents: You are in charge of food education!

Because I grew up in America but was raised with Korean food and eating habits, I’ve experienced two different philosophies towards food. Growing up my brother and I ate what my parents ate —  I don’t think my parents ever ordered mac and cheese or a hot dog off a children’s menu for us. Sure we had preferences, but we always ate a huge range of healthy, whole foods. Sweets and desserts were not taboo either since we already knew how to enjoy and appreciate healthy foods.

So how did I end up raising two kids that dislike eating so much? At first I thought it was just genetics. Charlie just had very little interest in eating. Olive won’t even eat a lot of something she loves like ice cream. It was also easy to blame American culture. We cater to a child’s preferences. We have child-specific menus at restaurants. We are snack obsessed. And I didn’t really see this type of pickiness when I was growing up, or in other cultures, that seems much more prevalent in American culture now. But ultimately it is up to me to teach the kids about how to eat a broad range of healthy foods, and it is (mostly) in my control what, when and how they eat.

2) Avoid emotional eating. No food bribes, rewards, etc.

Even before reading this book, I knew there were food “rules” that I had been breaking, like this one. I would tell the kids they could/could not have dessert based on how well they ate their dinner, which was placing more value on dessert (it’s more delicious! it’s a reward/punishment!) than the main course. I also liberally used treats like lollipops and chocolate as rewards for short-term behavior results, but it could potentially have a long-term negative impact by them continuing to seek food rewards as adults.

Since reading this book, I’ve virtually eliminated food bribes and rewards, but it’s not always easy. A lollipop sure does cure a lot of problems… right away!

3)  Parents schedule meals and menus. KIDS EAT WHAT ADULTS EAT! No short-order cooking!

I was totally guilty of being a short-order cook in the past. But in my defense, we all ate wildly differently. Mr. Bee has always followed more of a paleo lifestyle and I ate a lot of rice and spicy Korean foods, so I did tailor a lot of meals for the kids. I am much better at this now though and have a repertoire of meals that the whole family enjoys. I remember eating spicy food at a very young age because that’s what my parents ate, so I think the kids are definitely old enough to start eating (rinsed) kimchi!

4) Eat family meals together. No distractions.

Growing up my family ate dinner together every night with absolutely no distractions. We’ve done a pretty good job of family dinnertime since Olive was about 1 because it’s always been something that’s very important to me. But once in a while we’re so tired and low on patience that we turn on a video and let them watch it while they eat. Sometimes I’m just.too.tired to deal with mealtime shenanigans because it is so rare that they just eat. Charlie even recently said, “Remember that one time I almost finished my dinner?” And we knew exactly what he was talking about because it has only happened once this whole year.

5) Eat your veggies. Think variety.

The kids eat a decent variety of veggies now, but it really did take presenting each one many different times and prepared in many different ways. For instance it took me years to get them to like sweet potatoes. I prepared them baked whole, as french fries, mashed, sauteed; I cut them into cubes, long strips, circles… And even if they ate it and liked it once, it was no guarantee that they would eat them again. But I just kept on being persistent and it did eventually work. They finally love sweet potatoes!

6) You don’t have to LIKE it, but you do have to TASTE it. (Say at every meal.)

I’ve been trying to enforce this rule because the kids do not like trying new foods at all. But this can be difficult because Charlie has always had a very sensitive gag reflex. If he doesn’t like what he’s tried, or he simply doesn’t want to try it, he can and has thrown up. I do believe he had some sort of sensitivity because he’s been doing this since he was a baby. Still this rule does work in getting Charlie to try new foods. We haven’t been as successful with Olive because she’s just a honeybadger that does not care.

7) NO SNACKING! It’s okay to feel hungry between meals.

This is the single biggest change we’ve made in our lives. While we were in the Philippines, we completely eliminated all snacks so that the kids would be hungry at mealtimes. Unfortunately it had absolutely no effect because our kids are very skilled at skipping meals regularly and would rather starve than eat something new. But this just made so much sense to me. America has a huge snacking culture, and where there are children, there are snacks. I always carried snacks in my backpack because god forbid they feel hunger between meals! But Charlie and Olive can fill up on the smallest snack and not want to eat meals, so we’ve generally stuck to this rule.

Kids in France follow a strict three meals a day and one small snack schedule, but I think it’s easier to stick to that when their society and schools all follow those rules. Charlie and Olive do get two snacks at school during the week and I’m not going to stop them from being the only kids in class that can’t eat the class snack. And with 20+ kids per class, there is a birthday party with cupcakes practically every week. But I have eliminated the yummy snacky snacks from home. The kids used to regularly ask for snacks, and now they rarely do because they know that I will only give them something like fruit… which they almost always decline so I know they can’t be that hungry!

8) Slow food is happy food. As in eat slow.

We have slow eaters so I don’t anticipate this being a problem. But the reason they eat slow… is because they don’t enjoy eating.

9)  Eat mostly real food. Treats for special occasions are ok.

Now that we’ve eliminated snacks, we are doing a pretty good job of this. We do give dessert occasionally after they’ve eaten their meal, and I think that’s fine because I don’t want them to binge every time they’re allowed sweets/desserts. Completing Whole30 also really changed the way I think about food, so we try to eat as whole as possible.

10) Remember eating is joyful. Relax!

Dinnertime should be a happy time. It’s the only time of day when we’re all sitting together, but more often than not it’s a stressful time of day for me. I’m tired, we always, always, always have to coax the kids to eat, and Olive has a tendency to get out of her chair. What I’d really like to do is make dinner more of a special event like the French do. Light candles (we already do this), use a tablecloth, play music… I want the kids to feel like dinner is fun and a privilege to be a part of!

I think one of my mistakes is also giving food too much power. If the kids eat well, I’m happy. If they don’t eat, then I worry about them being hungry or get upset when they won’t try something that I worked hard to cook. I don’t want to get upset, impatient, annoyed because that is just giving food more power. If they don’t like something, I can choose not to have a big negative reaction and move on. I don’t want to constantly talk about how much or how little food the kids ate, because it just gives food much more power than it should, and the kids totally pick up on that. If eating is a more joyful experience for us as parents, even when the kids don’t eat, I think it will be a more joyful experience for them.

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Do you have any rules you follow when it comes to feeding your kids?

Picky Eating part 5 of 6

1. 25 Ways to Avoid Raising a Picky Eater by Mrs. Bee
2. 11 Best Tips for Picky Eaters by Food
3. Picky Eating: Is it in the Genes? by Extra Extra
4. The Psychology of a Picky Eater by Mrs. Chipmunk
5. French Kids Eat Everything? by Mrs. Bee
6. 10 Tips To Get Your Kids to Eat More by Mrs. Bee