When I was pregnant the first time around, I created a birth plan after a ton of reading, research, guidance from my doula and lessons from a marathon weekend of what Mr. C called the “crunchy birth class.” I was determined to have a birth with no drugs and zero intervention. As I made my way through my first experience growing and delivering a baby, writing down what I had hoped to have happen helped me to cope with my fears of what was to come and prepare for what I expected to be a marathon of pain.
And guys, what I came up with was LONG. And detailed. And intense. And at the time, I thought it was perfect.
Looking back though, after reaching the dreaded 42 week point, I would be facing an induction where huge portions of my birth plan would be slashed the moment I walked in the door. No IV. Nope – thank you Group B strep. No Pitocin. Slash that one, obviously, since my kid would not come out on his own. No “continuous fetal monitoring.” Induction plus Pitocin ruined that too. Honestly, although my birth plan looked like it had been through a losing war with a sharpie, in the end I was lucky, both because I managed to persevere through Pitocin with a med free birth, and because the kid at the end of the tunnel (um, literally) was and is healthy, happy and truly amazing.
Now, as I enter my third trimester, I’m thinking about my birth plan again. This time around, I expect it will look a bit different. Here’s what I’m thinking.
1) I know that at this hospital, it’s a given that I will have to authorize an epidural, even if I have zero intention to get one. Come in, skip your spiel – I’ve heard it before, let’s sign this, and then please don’t ask me about or offer me drugs again. I may want them, I may not, but if I do, I promise I’ll ask. Don’t tempt me.
2) Let’s keep the interventions to a minimum if we can. Don’t break my water unless progress is slowing, don’t kick in with the Pitocin unless I’m stalling completely (or of course, unless my body never gets the urge to start, like last time), and more than anything, let me take my time. Getting this guy out of there isn’t a race.
3) If my dreams of a natural “crunchy” birth go awry (whether from failure to progress, this dude being breech, preterm labor, complications beyond my control), let’s try to make the c-section as “mom-friendly” as possible. While I’m not hoping for mood-music and rainbows, I would love to sneak in some quick snuggles once he arrives and have my husband be as involved as possible throughout the surgery and after.
4) Once the little man has made his entrance, I would love to get a quick cuddle and nursing session as soon as possible, before any non-essential procedures. And if that isn’t an option – if there are health concerns or major issues – please let my hubby tag along to observe, help if possible, and provide a reassuring presence for our dude.
5) Just like last time, catch that cord blood for donation, and please don’t snip his little tip – we’re Jewish, and will be doing that next week at the bris. Oh, and if there is some magical sign you can put on the door to keep visitors out until we’re ready, I’ll take one of those.
PS. Please be nice to our doula. She’s just here to support me and my husband, to help us make rational decisions in the moment and to keep me from losing my mind from the pain that is inevitably on its way. I promise she has no intention of overstepping her (very important) role.
In all seriousness, I doubt I will even print anything up to have in writing, unless my midwife or doula really pushes me for it. Just thinking through my desires and expectations, and making sure that my midwife and her colleagues have my preferences noted in my file, should be more than enough.
Moms who have had (or will soon have) more than one, how was your birth plan different the second time around? Did you even bother with one?
pomegranate / 3032 posts
For me, act of hashing out a birth plan was/is a really important step of the pregnancy to labor/delivery process. it forced me to research, make a list of priorities and ask questions to clarify the things i didn’t understand. For example, why is tearing preferable to an episiotomy? I was able to talk to my doctor about the my list of wishes and make sure they were realistic in the realm of the practice and delivering hospital. I would have been really upset if i got to L&D and they told me i needed to take my contact lenses out and wear my glasses. But if i knew ahead of time that was the procedure i may not like it but i could adjust for it. Its one of those things that you dont know what to really expect until you go through it. Even though i prepared a birth plan i never officially gave it to my dr or husband. I just discussed what my preferences would be if given options.
Now that i’ve delivered once before i will probably revisit my “birth plan” and my experience from my first birth and just see if there’s anything really worth bringing up with my dr.
cantaloupe / 6086 posts
I am doing it again since we’re at a new hospital with a new doctor. It was definitely useful to talk through – ours was pretty basic but hit a lot of the notes above. I don’t know if we’ll be as lucky again but last time the nurse had actually read our birth plan when we got into the room which was a huge help since I was in a pretty intense place then.
Also you should write about how you managed a pitocin labor without meds! That is a fear of mine.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I didn’t write up a birth plan with my first. My plan solely consisted of:
Please give me an epidural when I ask for it.
And then my ITP got in the way and I couldn’t get an epidural and I was all “WTF do I do now??” Talk about prepared!
This time my plan is to just forget the epidural, do exactly what I did last time, and hope for the best! Yep, I’m that prepared again.
pomelo / 5258 posts
+1 to “Please be nice to our doula.” Some of the hospital staff were outright hostile toward her/us. It makes me really re-consider if I will have a doula for #2. Last night I was considering maybe having the doula for laboring at home and having her stay to watch LO1 – obviously not a well thought out plan yet.
guest
My birth plan the first time around was also very crunchy – no drugs, no interventions, hoping for a waterbirth if the room with the tub was free. Then I had sudden, serious complications and my daughter was in distress, and I had an emergency c-section without ever even going into full labor. She had to be resuscitated in the OR and rushed to the NICU. Forget skin-to-skin within the hour – I didn’t get to hold her for four days, and didn’t get to take her home for four months. It was terrifying and not what I wanted, but my OB made exactly the right call and saved both of our lives. And with time and therapy, I have not only come to terms with the circumstances of her birth, but I celebrate them – a generation ago, she would not have survived; two generations and I would not have survived. The miracles of modern medicine, from pain meds to antibiotics to c-sections, are my best friends.
So this time around, my birth plan has three parts: baby on the outside, mama alive, baby alive. It would be nice if he could be placed on my chest in the OR, or if I could try breastfeeding in recovery, and hopefully I will be able to eat sooner after surgery than last time. But I am not getting my hopes set on anything, and will be ecstatic if my three-part checklist is met in full – and once that part’s done, I want the nurses to keep visitors out until I can walk around on my own.
It’s kind of freeing to let go of all the little decisions about the birth, and just trust that my doctor will make the right call like she did last time.
guest
My first was a similar story and a similarly gutted birth plan.
My second. five hours total of knowing I was in labour and three pushes in the birth tub with a midwife who just watched and spoke only a few gentle words.
Three birth plans in I find for me they are a small part directions (I want this, not that) and more me describing to my caregivers how I birth .
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts
My birth plan was short and simple: healthy mom, healthy baby.
blogger / persimmon / 1231 posts
Sounds a lot like ours! First one was so detailed, this time we took out like 90% of it. Short, sweet, and listed out the things I knew would be exceptions. The nurses yesterday were like “this is the best birth plan, nice and simple!”
blogger / cherry / 247 posts
i love this! the vibe i’m getting is a lot more relaxed and realistic this time around which pretty much means it will be perfect
i had a home birth so i wouldn’t say i had a birth plan necessarily. we had 2 dear friends attend (to relieve Missus Scooter in case i had a long labor) and of course our two midwives but we didn’t talk about a plan about how it would actually go. at the time, this was a bit unnerving, but of course was perfect because you can never really predict what will happen.
this time around, we plan on another home birth with the same midwives so i suspect there will be no adjustment to our non-plan! the thing i am deciding now is who to have at the birth.
honeydew / 7295 posts
First of all congratulations on making it to 42 weeks and then having a natural birth during induction! I tried but my body just wouldn’t dilate without the epi. Second I love your new approach. It’s more laid back and realistic but you aren’t just throwing your arms up. I like that. That’s how I want to go this time. Wishing you a lovely birth when the time comes.
guest
My first birth plan was to get the epidural and hope for the best. Now my son is 18 mo old and I’m due with identical twin girls when he turns 2. My birth plan this time around is cut me open, get the babies out, tie those tubes real tight, double-knot them, are you sure they’re tied?, did you double-check?, and sew me up!
olive / 70 posts
Hi Bestie! I love that you wrote this, and that your plan is so you. I also love how close we are and how different we are
My plan? DRUGS! It reads something like this: Dear doctors, I’m terrified to give birth. (first baby!) Therefore, please make all the pain disappear as quickly as possible. Also, I am not breastfeeding. Get over it, and don’t judge me. Love, Mrs. BD
As for all the other stuff? Game-time decisions. Do you want to hold your baby? I don’t know! It’s got gross things on it! Does your husband want to cut the cord? Um, is he still conscious? Can we break your water? Will it get this child out sooner!?
My guess is that when it’s time for round two, I will be a lot more educated and have a better idea of what I want. As for now, healthy and pain free please!
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
It’s on my to-do list. But really, I just want to say “can we just do all that stuff that worked last time?” And move on. I suppose I should address this just so I feel prepared and so I don’t have to repeat 1000 times that I have a penicillin allergy.
ETA: Just did it. Gave myself an “X” on the to-do list. Thanks for the kick in the pants.
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
@Mrs. Scooter: When are you due?
blogger / cherry / 247 posts
@ mrs. stroller – due early april!