Hellobee

We’ve gone through several different childcare arrangements with K and D! In summary, we’ve done SAHM, WAHD, Grandmacare, and preschool – although we tried unsuccessfully to find a nanny at one point. Now for the long version:

Back when K was born, I worked full time (outside the home with a longish commute), and took 3 months maternity leave. Since Mr. T worked at home running his company, when I returned to work he took over morning childcare duties. My MIL would come in the late morning to switch with him so he could get some work done. I worked an early schedule (6am – 2:30pm) out of the house before the boys were up, and with traffic was normally home between 3:30 – 4pm. I would relieve my MIL and then have K for most of the evening while Mr. T worked, often late into the night. This worked pretty well, although my MIL sometimes wouldn’t be able to come until the early afternoon, so Mr. T had to always keep his schedule flexible. We planned to enroll K in some kind of part-time preschool after he turned 2, to give Mr. T some more dependable work hours, and to give K the benefits of school (socializing, structure, crafts, etc). D ended up arriving a few days before K’s birthday, so we scrapped those plans as we dealt with other, bigger changes in our life!

At this time Mr. T’s work was in flux as well. For greater stability, he decided to put his company on hold for a while and become a contract worker. He began shortly after I was discharged from the hospital (before D came home from the NICU). I ended up taking 7 months off after D was born (and was lucky my job allowed it!), and would juggle K with my MIL as I went to the NICU to visit D. When D was home briefly, my MIL would often take K over to her house for a few hours of the day to give me more of a break. I hadn’t yet taught her to deal with his equipment or how to administer his medications through the feeding tube, so I was D’s around the clock caregiver (with some support from Mr. T, who was working a lot). When D was readmitted to the NICU, my MIL and I began the juggling act with K again. Thankfully he loves spending time with my MIL and didn’t mind at all. My parents also occasionally pitched in to help, especially on days when I had to be at the hospital at a certain time.

When D was home the first time I began looking for nannies, thinking that we would need someone to watch the kids in the mornings until my MIL could come, so I could return to work full-time. I browsed on Care.com, convo’d with a few people, and then decided to post my own ad. I got a few responses, but surprisingly several of them were not responsive to further questions or requests for in-person interviews. At this time D had been re-admitted to the NICU, but I thought if I found someone good they could watch K so I could spend more time at the hospital with D, and then just add D to the mix when he was discharged.

Mr. T and I interviewed 3 people – two basically fresh out of college and one long time nanny. I used Mrs. Bee’s nanny interview questions as a starting point, but mostly just tried to get a feel for each of the people. One of the younger ones was a nursing student, and I quickly discovered she was pretty uninterested in childcare but wanted to put D’s health issues on her resume – no thanks! The more experienced one seemed nice and certainly capable, and neither fazed nor overly interested in D’s issues. The only wrinkle was that she was a package deal with her two home-schooled children. Although she said that they would focus on their studies during the day and help play with the kids, ultimately Mr. T and I decided there were too many things that could go wrong with 2 additional (older) kids in the house every day. The last candidate had a few years of babysitting experience and was training to be a child-life specialist at a hospital. We felt the most comfortable with her and planned to go with her, until we found out that D would be coming home with the broviac IV. The care for the IV was too critical and the risks too great to leave him in inexperienced hands. We couldn’t afford to pay a professional nurse or other medically qualified person (who may not have even been willing to care for K in addition). We scrapped plans for me going back to work until we had a good handle on the broviac situation.

After a few months with D home with the broviac, I had the IV care on a good schedule (so I could do the skilled things outside of work hours) and was able to teach my MIL the critical safety steps, in addition to teaching her how to use his feeding tube pump, nebulizer, and to give him meds. I talked with my work and found that they were amenable to me returning on a part time (2 days a week) basis, with plans for me to slowly ramp back up to full time as D’s needs allowed and extensive doctor’s appointments got more spread out.

Mr. T and I were always talking with my MIL seeing what she was comfortable agreeing to. She and my FIL also run a business, so there’s a lot of juggling on her part as well. We are eternally grateful to how generous she’s been with her time, and she’s told me repeatedly how happy she is that she’s here with the boys as they grow up. She and my FIL immigrated to the US from Malaysia shortly before Mr. T was born, and I know she missed having her own mom around as she raised her kids. My MIL was fine with coming 2 days a week early enough for Mr. T to get to work, and I bumped my schedule up an hour (5am – 2pm) so I would be home by 3ish and relieve her earlier in the afternoon.

As we were sorting out that schedule, I reached out to a few daycares and preschools in our area. I got the best vibes (and prices) from the one closest to our house, so K and I went to visit. The teachers were friendly, the director was very involved, there were lots of toys, activities, and space to run and play. Most critically, the school was flexible about what days he would attend, and when he would start. I talked with Mr. T, and then went with my gut and enrolled him to start a few weeks before I went back to work, so I could pick him up early, make his first few days short and he could ease into it. He only cried for the first day, although he was sad at dropoff for a few weeks. I took Mrs. Confetti’s advice and used Daniel Tiger episodes before he went – he actually recited the “Grownups Come Back” song for me after the first day; I think that helped him a lot! Mr. T would drop him off on his way to work, and I would pick him up on my way home.

We’ve been coasting with this arrangement for several months now. I plan to start going in to work 3 days a week soon (my MIL thinks she can commit to another day with D), but am not sure if I will ever go back to completely full time. K’s school accepts kids from 18m – 5y, and I am hoping that when D is 18m in the spring, he’ll be off the feeding tube for most of the day and can go with K to school (or at least the 9a-12p option). I believe that (by law) the school would have to accommodate his needs, including learning to use the feeding tube, but I would feel more comfortable if they didn’t have to use it, or worry about other kids messing with it. D still feels like such a baby to me, we’ll have to reassess how we all feel about it when he reaches 18m! I think K gets enough benefit from the school environment that it’s not worth it to pull him out and use a nanny, even though D doesn’t have the broviac anymore.

Have you gone through different types of childcare arrangements? Are you happy with what you’re doing now? If you have a kid with special needs, how has that changed your options?