If you need to catch up, here’s what we talked about so far:

And now, we’re ready to wrap it all up! I’ve got seven last thoughts to share with you that didn’t really fit in anywhere else. There is so much to be said about behavior and it’s a passion of mine, so it was definitely hard to narrow the information down! These last tips are just good things to keep in mind any time you are dealing with behavior, regardless of what the behavior looks like or what your approach is…and I won’t lie, these tips and behavioral interventions work on more than just kid’s behavior. I’ve been known to call out my husband for his attention-seeking behavior from time to time!

IMG_9237

Just because no post is complete without a cute photo! Jackson’s always excited to chat behavior.

1. Make sure you know the difference between reinforcement and punishment. A time out isn’t always a punishment, just like a new toy isn’t always a reinforcement. By definition, a reinforcer is something that increases a behavior, while a punishment is one that decreases a behavior. So for example, if your child is trying to escape sitting at the dinner table, a time out may actually be a reinforcement because it got him exactly what he wanted!

ADVERTISEMENT

2. Consistency is key. Once you know how you need to handle a behavior, it’s important that you handle it exactly like that every single time. A teacher I used to work with always compared it to a slot machine – you know the likelihood of winning is low, but you just keep trying because maybe this will be the time you win big. Kids often see it the same way…maybe this is the time you’ll let them get away with it!

3. I may be alone in this, but I’m not a big fan of the “counting to 3” system. It works for some people, but in my experience it tends to teach kids that they don’t have to actually listen to you until you hit three. I always give people the example of your mom calling you inside for dinner when you were a kid. You ignored her the first few times but you knew once she busted out your middle name, that was the time to go inside. You want to teach your kids they should respond or follow your directions the first time you ask, not after you count to three!

4. One of the hardest parts of this process can be finding the function of the behavior. It’s something that takes time to master, but once you get the hang of it I promise it’s a breeze! Just spend some time watching closely – what happens right before the behavior (that’s your trigger!) and what happens right afterwards (that’s the consequence, and it’s what will either reinforce or punish the behavior). If you have a behavior that continues to pop up time and again, you need to adjust the consequence for that behavior, and that’s a big clue as to what the function of the behavior likely is!

5. Make sure everyone else is on the same page as you! If you’ve determined that a certain behavior functions to access attention and your spouse gives attention to that behavior every time it happens, you’re not going to make much progress! Decide on a strategy for addressing the behavior and try to get all caretakers on board. This will eliminate the problem of kids acting up more with one parent or caretaker because they know they can get away with it. If I have a strategy that I want to try and I know other people might be reluctant, I’ll ask them to give it a shot with me for a week – you can revisit it then, and if you’re seeing progress you can keep going, and if not you can adjust!

6. Providing choices and giving your child some control is a fantastic way to manage problem behavior. When kids feel like they have some say in how their day goes, you’ll often see a huge decrease in behavior. If your child throws a tantrum every time she has to get dressed in the morning, try laying out a few options for what she can wear and letting her pick. Even something as simple as asking them which shoe they want to put on first when you’re rushing out the door can help to give them some control and reduce problem behaviors.

7. Above all else, remember that you will make mistakes, so will they, and it’s okay. Behavioral change is a slow process and there is not a magical trick that will fix it all (as much as we would all love that). It can take weeks to see a difference, so don’t stress too much – it takes time! And I’ve said this before but it’s worth reiterating…this process is not about teaching your child they have to listen to your every command and they can never get away with anything. The whole point is to teach them that appropriate behavior is much more efficient at getting them the things they want than inappropriate behavior is. You never want to work on getting rid of a behavior without simultaneously teaching the replacement behavior for it! This way, the child can eventually realize that what they used to do in order to get what they wanted (the inappropriate behavior) doesn’t work anymore, and if they want it they’ll have to resort to something a little more appropriate.

.  .  .  .  .

I hope this series was helpful! Hopefully there’s something here that you can take away and apply in your home to make your life a little easier.

Anyone have any other last little behavior tips and tricks to share? I love adding new ideas to my toolbox!