Post bottle sleep coma. Not looking at my son with some slight resentment, no, not at all.
Alternately Titled: How to Get Over Yourself When Your Baby “Self-Weans” Before One / Goes On a Never-ending Nursing Strike / Develops a Bottle-over-boob Preference / Defies Everything the Experts Know About Babies and Does Something You Didn’t Know to Worry About.
- Step 1: Doubt that your four-month-old is actually refusing to nurse.
- Step 2: Offer a bottle so that said baby doesn’t starve.
- Step 3: Try to nurse again and get rejected. Begin to worry.
- Step 4: Repeat step 3 and 2, in that order, increasing worry exponentially with each occurrence.
- Step 5: Cry.
- Step 6: Blame yourself, and then your spouse, and then your baby, and then the bottle, and then your boobs and then yourself again. Because, it’s your fault. Obviously.
- Step 7: Research and research and research with your frenemy, Google.
- Step 8: Try all the tips your ‘research’ led you to try. Build frustration and tears each time a new ‘tip’ has no effect on your child’s persistent, angry refusal of your sweet, milky boobs.
ADVERTISEMENT - Step 9: Suck it up. Tell yourself it’s not a big deal, and that you’re lucky you got even four months of breastfeeding. Many women don’t even get that.
- Step 10: Get angry and acknowledge that, yes, you’ve been lucky it’s been so easy but F WORD this needs to end NOW.
- Step 11: Rationalize. Well, you can still pump breastmilk.
- Step 12: Itemize all the reasons exclusively pumping will suck: 1 – it’s not convenient; 2 – it can lead to reduced supply and a need to supplement; 3 – it doesn’t give you all the selfish feels of closeness and bonding. Tell these reasons to anyone who will listen.
- Step 13: Suck it up. Life goes on. Your kid is growing, healthy, happy. This is NOT a big deal.
- Step 14: Ask everyone you know who nursed what they would do if their kid stopped nursing. Ignore the women who tell you their nursing strike turned into a kid who weaned. Tell yourself that won’t happen to you.
- Step 15: Feel disconnected from your baby. Mourn the loss of nursing.
- Step 16: Establish a new normal of pumping around the time your kid eats.
- Step 17: Cry. Laugh.
- Step 18: Realize it’s not all that terrible to have very portable food for your kid. Itemize the reasons: 1 – you now know exactly how much your kid eats every day — no more doubting is he hungry?!; 2 – all those times you wish you could ‘detach your boob and insert in his mouth when he was crying uncontrollably in the car/in public/whenever’ is now a reality; 3 – everybody gets to feel the joy of your squirmy, active baby melts into their arms as he eats five times a day; 4 – realize you get to kiss his head, his cheeks, his nose while he eats; feel his little fingers curl around yours on the bottle; 5 – note that washing so many bottles is somewhat calming at the end of the day.
- Step 19: Write about it and realize, hey, you’re actually ok with this. You know, because you have to be. Prepare a second, slightly more helpful post on breast refusal to be shared soon. Sigh heavily, for good measure.
**Note: Steps 1 – 16 occur over the course of 3 days. Steps 17 – 19 over the course of 3 weeks.
Where have you found humor to be the best medicine when parenting didn’t go as you imagined it would?
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
Your sense of humor is amazing! I definitely would sob my heart out if my baby starts refusing the boob. I’m sorry you had to go through this!!
pomegranate / 3355 posts
Love this for so many reasons!!! As a WOHM my DD self weaned before 1 yr, we made it to about 10 mos but I felt so much quilt over it b/c, of course “no baby under 1 would ever self wean”. I felt terrible and like it was my fault, just like the emotions you shared going through. It is comforting to know there are others out there who go through and are going through the same. Sorry you had to deal with it but I’m glad you shared and I’m happy you are in a more happy place about it now
guest
Thank you!
My son did the same thing at 4 months… At first I thought it was because he was teething, then because he was in a new environment (we were on vacation), etc. I tried all the tips… none worked. He loooooved to nurse before, so I still don’t really know why it happened.
Unlike you, however, four months later, I still feel guilty about it
But I feel better knowing I’m not alone in this.
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
This is a great post, and so very true. My experience was only 6 weeks long, a combination of a tiny premie who didn’t have the energy to nurse and very low supply, but the steps were very similar. In the end, everyone came out of it great, but it’s hard when you’re in the middle of it.
apricot / 347 posts
My daughter did the same thing around 4 mo. I went through all those emotions but you know what? After three months of rejection (she would only nurse when extremely tired) she went back. I cup fed her because bottle feeding can worsen breast rejection, and kept offering. Eventually she settled back and I’m still nursing my 13mo.
I would have been the first one to agree with you six months ago, but having experienced it, babies aren’t meant to wean that early. It’s the bottle that’s the problem.
pomelo / 5628 posts
Great post! As someone who never got to breastfeed, I think the steps are almost the same. I am still sad (two years later) that I didn’t get to experience breastfeeding, but pumping was not all that bad and I did it for 11 months.
It really is nice to have anyone be able to feed your child. I think it went a long way to secure LO’s relationship with DH and even with eachother since we shared night duty. I was very religious about pumping and never suffered with supply. I made enough but not massive amounts of milk. And after the beginning (3 months) you don’t have to pump as often as baby eats which can make pumping much more manageable.
blogger / apricot / 310 posts
@Adira: haha I think I had to learn to laugh out of necessity! So glad you haven’t gone through this!
blogger / apricot / 310 posts
@Ajsmommy: SO MUCH GUILT! Even today, it lingers. So nice to know I am not alone- I def felt I was for a while! Sending you
blogger / apricot / 310 posts
MM: wow it’s like we wrote the same story! Don’t you worry- I am not completely over it and hold out hope that maybe, someday, this will be a weird little three month blip… But I think we are set on bottles. Sending you
blogger / apricot / 310 posts
@Mrs. Carrot: exactly- deep in the thick of it, it’s hard to see any positives. Glad you made it to the other side!
blogger / apricot / 310 posts
@mrsrugbee: I completely agree that it’s the bottle that causes the issue (in my case, and it sounds like yours too). For us though I couldn’t work out a non-bottle feeding schedule as it felt like too much to ask the varying caregivers who look after my son. You give me hope though! I may have to subject myself to some breast offering tonight just in case
blogger / apricot / 310 posts
@Mrs Green Grass: so, so true! In some ways I have found pumping to be liberating – and have been able to drop to four pumps per day to get enough to sustain Will. I don’t get to freeze quite as much anymore but as long as I can keep pace, I shall be grateful! Cheers to a fellow pumping mama!
clementine / 806 posts
*hugs*
I went though all of these steps too – not because of self-weaning, but just because we never really got a hang of nursing. I remember sobbing from 3-6am one morning, knowing that I just couldn’t do this for one more awful day, but wanting so desperately to continue. I started adding in pumping sessions (WOHM, so I knew I’d be pumping eventually…). We finally found our balance point with morning-only nursing, even on the weekends. It’s not what I envisioned (nothing about parenting is!), but it is what is best for our family.
pomelo / 5866 posts
Awwww. I didn’t go through this but appreciate the touching and lighthearted perspective. Great post!
guest
Nursing was such a struggle for me and my son due to his tongue tie. I went through all of the emotions that you eloquently describe here. I TOTALLY understand. In the end what just matters is that a baby is fed, full, and happy. Although it took me awhile to get to the point of being able to say that!!! I appreciate this post and enjoyed your take!
apricot / 347 posts
@Mrs. Milk: the painful irony of my situation is that I currently have a toddler that demands to nurse non-stop. I really never expected to be breastfeeding this long when she first rejected me.
pomelo / 5132 posts
My brother weaned at about 4 months, but my mom’s job didn’t really allow consistent pumping, so they switched to formula. After dealing with reflux with my son, my mom now thinks that’s why my brother refused to nurse. The things you see in hindsight! I’m glad you can laugh now and are still able to do what you feel is best for you and baby!
blogger / cherry / 247 posts
thank you for sharing this…
pomegranate / 3225 posts
oh noooo. Despite everything the nursing books tell you, I have heard of quite a few babies that self weaned…
blogger / apricot / 310 posts
@MrsLonghorn: so spot on! parenting is pretty much guaranteed to be the opposite of whatever is imagined or expected! so glad I learned the lesson early on…even if it still stings a bit!
@808love: thank you!
Dawn: completely agree! and thank you!
@mrsrugbee: oh my goodness! that’s just the way it works, isn’t it? of course! ha!
@Mrs. J: I’m not convinced it wasn’t his reflux acting up, actually. He definitely reacted to the cradle position – and to this day, hates being held like that. About a month later, we had to up his meds because it got REALLY bad and he was clearly in pain. Maybe after he doesn’t need the meds anymore, we can try again? You give me hope!
@Mrs. Scooter: thanks for reading it!
@kml636: It’s so crazy! I think there’s definitely those exceptions that prove the rule – and I think ours is a self-weaning due to external factors, it’s still technically what happened!
pomelo / 5866 posts
I don’t know if I will ever get to the mature humor stage with my unexpected co sleeping issue for years but I so admire your way of taking this predicament and turning it into a beautiful reflection on motherhood adjustments. So inspiring!