Hellobee

It’s a bizarre request and I would have said no. But can see how awkward of a situation that is, I sort of wish the stranger had taken to your son’s discomfort. I can’t believe she video’ed him instead! :O

I completely understand how you must have felt in the moment as it’s a bizarre request.
I would just say no. I’ve had to say that to strangers who asked to hold LO when she was an infant. Although, I don’t have a good poker face, I probably came off as a little rude. oops

You’re right. It’s very true that American tourists are guilty of this abroad. Especially when they go to the so called “developing” world and just have to take the requisite “pose with the local children” picture.

I agree with it being difficult to handle given the awkward situation. However, I was hoping she’d drop the pursuit when she saw your LO being uncomfortable and not willing to cooperate. Instead she recorded a video? Yikes! I totally would get nervous like you and start thinking of kidnapping situations. The world is a crazy place now days man. Sad our thoughts stray to the worst scenario immediately.

Yikes. It is weird. I probably would have said yes and then regretted it… This does make me think.

The situation you described is VERY odd. I would have been uncomfortable as well. Ask for hugs!!! That’s different than I simple – hi. how old are you or what’s your favorite animal

That being said – yes I’ve let people take pictures of my kids. I can specifically think of a music festival we go to every summer… my son has an epic spider man face painting job and LOTS of people wanted his photo. Eh – that I didn’t care.

Along the same note – I leave it up to my kids if they want to interact with strangers. When strangers strike up a conversation with them (lots of people like to talk to kids in lines or at airports or where ever – hey I do too!) – If my kids want to talk back cool. If they don’t – I don’t force it. At this festival if my son wants to join a dancing group – awesome. If he doesn’t – awesome.

An older lady asked me to take a pic of DD at Costco when she was playing with boxes. It wasn’t weird at the time and I obliged. The more I thought about it, the weirder it was so in the future I’d probably say no.

I would’ve shut that shit down when she asked my LO for a hug. In terms of a picture… if my LO was doing something funny and someone took a pic I probably wouldn’t care (if I saw a kid doing some random crazy thing I might text a pic to my husband all “lol check this kid out”). But otherwise I’d say no. Because… why? Thats weird.

Asking for hugs is odd, that would make my spidey senses go on alert.

The picture thing happens to us regularly, it’s weird and most of the time they don’t ask. They just see kids playing and take pictures. For the most part I just think well people take pictures of their breakfasts nowadays and my kids are cuter than that. But it’s weird.

My husband would shut this down quicker than I could say “No, we’d prefer not”. Personality, work, etc. = a very private person and I’ve learned to respect him, and expect it of him, when it comes to photos (even with aquiantences).

From personal experience many years ago I will say it’s a strange feeling as the child in that situation – I was 8 yrs. old at the time. Context: the Asian tourists at a Canadian lodge were enamored of the two blond American girls; my parents were polite (despite the language barrier:), but extracted us pretty quickly – although somewhere there are random photos of my sister and I with middle-aged Asian women?! What does the other person do with these photos?

The ready-cell phone camera culture tends to feed behavoir with the random photo blogs of “people doing xyz” taken surreptiously by strangers . . . and then shared publicly without their knowledge.

I’d take it a step further and strike the “I’m sorry” from your answers. Saying “I’m sorry” too often is a crutch and it undermines what you’re actually saying. I can see how you’d be caught off guard–it does seem like an odd request. I like the answer “No. That makes us uncomfortable.”

I’ve been in this situation. Was with my LO a few years back at the lake, and a lady was wandering around with a nice camera taking photos. Said she was working on her technique or something. I let her snap a few at the time since I didn’t want to be rude and my LO was fine. Probably shouldn’t have … but I guess I naively like to believe the best of people.

It’s so weird, but this happened to me multiple times as a kid. We lived near the Grand Canyon and so we used to go there once a year or so. There are a ton of foreign tourists there. I had bright red hair, and I had several people try to touch my hair and take my picture. I had one man pick me up so his wife could take his picture with me! My mother was horrified and it happened too fast for her to do anything.

I agree with the people who say don’t say “I’m sorry.” A quick, “No, we’re not comfortable with that” is more than polite.

What a tough spot to be put in as a parent. I think we all have a natural desire to be polite to people, and it sounds like this woman put that at odds with your maternal instincts.

I do agree it’s a cultural thing. I went to China in college and I constantly had people asking to take pictures with me. Sometimes they didn’t even ask!! They just stood in front of me and took a selfie as they walked. At the time I didn’t think anything of it, but now as a parent it would bother me.

OMG I had this happen in our building! A woman came up to us, engaged with Ruby, and asked if she could take a picture. Ruby is pretty social so I didn’t even have the discomfort to fall back on, and my husband jumped right in with yes (he’s much more permissive than I am) and I let it be, but it bothered me for hours afterwards. I don’t know why people would want pictures of others’ kids! And I think your situation is especially weird, since she was following him and asking for hugs. Foreign tourists are a little different, so I would have let that slide, probably, but it weirded me out for a while, so don’t be embarrassed, I’m the same way!

I wouldn’t mind at a touristy place where people are in picture taking mode and they aren’t likely to track my child down. I feel differently about a strangers asking at a park we frequent. I’m also assuming they are taking a picture because they think LO is cute or doing something funny. I wouldn’t like it one bit if they were mocking LO.

I believe we recently had our pictures taken by a strange man at our local park and he didn’t ask. I would much much rather be asked or at least told.

Very weird situation! My husband is very protective and basically always assumes people have the worst intentions. He would definitely have said something. I’m quieter about things but find I’m more outspoken when it comes to my kids. If my mama antennae went up, I would have said something and quickly removed us from the situation.

I have been asked permission to take my son’s picture. I said yes because it was by a news photographer at a Mardi Grad parade. I could see her press pass.

True’s comment is spot on. I hope no one here who has that knee jerk reaction of ” no way! Creepy!” Has ever taken pictures of “the local village children” when traveling.

“I’ve observed it most commonly as a tourist behavior and considered it a cultural difference in personal boundaries, which was part of why I consented, out of respect for that difference.” <—you can respect differences and still say no.

No way would I let an unknown person take my child's picture. When we are in public sure someone could take it without my knowledge but there is no way if asked I am going to consent to them getting their picture taken and I will watch that person like a hawk for suspicious behavior (ie trying to take a picture on the sly).

My children are adorable but there is no reason that anyone other than family or friends need a picture of my children, they are not props nor are they souvenir in the form of a photograph.

ETA I completely forgot that this person asked if they could hug your child. umm H to the E double L NO. That is just beyond creepy.

Recently I had friends visiting me when I lived in NYC. I took them to the statue of liberty and this older couple asked to take a picture of me and my friends. We were confused for a sec, thought they wanted us to take a photo of them (there was a bit of a language barrier). We ended up saying OK and letting them take the pic, but it was pretty odd. I think with a LO I would react the same as you — say an awkward, “umm, alright” in the moment and then regret it later

ETA: I do agree with True and Junebugsmama that probably many people who would be uncomfortable or creeped out by someone taking a pic of their child in their LO’s normal environment would do or have done similar things when abroad possibly not even realizing the similarities, so this is a good thing to think about both ways!

Definitely an odd experience and request, at least it would be to me, an American. Yes, to those above who mentioned snapping pics of children abroad, especially in ‘developing’ countries. And I guess, at least she thankfully asked and didn’t take the video covertly. Still so weird…

soooo … i’m not sure about everyone else, but in Korea, elderly grandparents or even middle aged people will come up to kids and comment on how good they are behaving or how cute they are. Sometimes they’ll ask for hugs and it’s completely normal to them. This btw happens to us in NJ where we have a large korean population. I can’t go to the local bakery without some grandpa asking Paige for a hug or say, here come sit next to me. It’s SO SO awkward and she says no and runs next to me but it’s also “rude” for me to say not to them directly to their face because they’re “elders”. It’s odd. One time they tried to pick up my friend’s baby from the stroller to pick them up. Yikes.

100% strange. Your gut never steers you wrong.

There is a book called “The Gift of Fear” and while it covers a lot of topics, the main message is: we are all built with a sense for what makes us comfortable and uncomfortable. It’s a primal survival mechanism. It’s usually called our “gut” or “instinct.” However, as we grow up – ESPECIALLY as women – we are taught to ignore our gut in favor of social norms and being polite. We often look back at experiences and say “ahhhh why did I ….” or “I wish I didn’t….” Fortunately, most of the time, these things turn out just fine. Seldom, they do not.

Sorry for the tangent, but my point is: your gut never steers you wrong. In this situation, you felt uncomfortable allowing this weird woman to photograph your kid (so did Roman). In another situation, it may feel okay to allow a stranger to take a photo. I am not sure this is a strict rule one way or the other….maybe just case by case depending on the circumstance. It’s a good reminder to have an answer in your back pocket for if this happens again because I can totally see being taken off guard and just saying “ok.”

I wonder what she would have said if you asked “why” when she asked if she could photo Roman?

Wow, weird! I’ve had people ask to take pics of LO and I’ve always politely said no.

the hugging part is a bit too much. I was out with my brother, and we were at the park taking a stroll, he saw a little girl (18 mo?) next to us playing with some flowers, and asked the couple if he could take pictures of the little girl, and told them that she reminded him of his daughter at that age and is a teenager now… it was an innocent request and the couple was happy to oblige. But I can definitely see how it can be awkward and uncomfortable, and would have totally understood if they said no.

I’d shut it down immediately. BUT, I will say there’s a good chance this lady was just oblivious and enthusiastic about kids. I’m embarrassed to say my mom did almost this exact thing one time and just came up and took a picture of a baby at the beach. This was before LO was born and I’m pretty sure baby fever had turned her head lol. Unfortunately I was not there to stop her and now I can imagine the poor mother was probably freaking out but too polite to say anything!

I had something similar happen. I took the kids to the town Halloween Parade and there was this old man sitting on the edge of the crowd taking pictures. It was creepy enough that I asked my Dad his thoughts. He said he could have been from the town newspaper but my response was he would have a press pass if that were the case. Anyway- I just took his picture a few times in case something happened in the future and made sure I didn’t let him photograph my kids. But I was really uncomfortable.

We live in Asia and this happens to us all the time. My daughters clearly look more Western, even though they are half Japanese and strangers are always asking to take their pictures. When this first happened, I was a bit flustered and said ok because I didn’t want to offend. But now that we’ve lived here long enough to know, my response is always No. Even then, there have been times where we will be followed and they will try to sneak a photo. It’s very bizarre.

thank you to everyone for your comments and suggestions!