I’ve always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. For as long as I can remember, long before I even had Jackson, I’ve dreamed of staying home and spending my days playing with my kids and taking care of the house. But then, I chose to be a teacher. And I married Mr. Garland, who chose to do the same. And suddenly, that option was no longer an option. It’s just not feasible for us at this point in our lives to have me staying at home, and so I head off to work every day and Jack stays in daycare.
At first, I had a very hard time with it. I felt like his teachers at daycare spent more time with him than I got to; I was so sad that I had to spend the whole day at work and felt like I never got to actually see him. Now, one year into this whole daycare thing, it’s much more manageable. I’m able to see the positive aspects of it and while I still wish I could stay home with Jackson, I’m grateful that I know he spends his day with people who love him and care for him. I also have a unique situation in that Mr. Garland and I both get to essentially be stay at home parents over the summer and on our longer breaks (like Christmas break and spring break!), so that makes it infinitely easier to deal with the disappointment of not being a SAHM.
It was exactly this time last year that my maternity leave was ending and I was preparing to take Jackson to his first day of daycare. I was petrified, worried, and completely devastated that my maternity leave was coming to a close. So on the anniversary of Jackson’s first day at daycare, I thought I’d spend a few minutes reflecting on the wonderful things daycare has done for us and how good it’s been for Jackson.
This post isn’t intended to be a “why daycare is better” post, because I absolutely don’t think that. I think the “better” option is to do whatever works best for your family. For us right now, daycare is the best option. In the future it may be for me to stay home. I genuinely hope that happens, but it may not. This post is all about reflecting on how things aren’t always as bad as you build them up to be in your head, and hopefully it can provide some assurance for other moms who are getting ready to start their kiddos in daycare and are feeling anxious about it.
So, here are five reasons I love daycare:
– Jackson is learning social skills very early in life. I never really put much thought into how beneficial it would be for Jackson to spend all day every day hanging out with other kids his age. He’s already learning the idea of sharing (he’s not good at it yet, but he’s learning!) and is already fantastic at being very gentle and cautious with the younger babies in his class. If I was staying at home, we would likely be doing lots of play dates and groups, so he would get some of this, but there’s no way I could give him the amount of social exposure that he gets at daycare!
– I value my time with him more than ever. Towards the end of my maternity leave I found myself short on patience when he was cranky, and I looked forward to his naps and bedtime with great enthusiasm. I think every parent has this to some extent, but now that Jackson is in daycare and my time with him is so much more limited, I find that I am much calmer when he’s upset or cranky, and my patience has increased significantly. I value our time together so much, and I’m much more appreciative of the time I do get to be with him.
– His immune system will be fabulous. Okay, so more of a future benefit than one I’ve seen yet, but I can’t deny that with all the germs and mess he’s exposed to at daycare there’s no way he won’t have an immune system of steel when he gets older! We have probably dealt with more illnesses and colds than we would have if I were able to be at home with him, but I try to remind myself that exposure to germs can be a good thing, and he’s just building up an immunity now! As a teacher, I’ve seen many kids who were sick the entire first year of kindergarten because they had never been exposed to a group setting like that, so hopefully that won’t be us!
– He learns from the other children. I’m convinced the only reason Jackson started walking when he did was because another baby in daycare started walking, and he wasn’t about to be left out of the fun! He’s such a cautious kid, I think he may have waited another month or so before he took off, but just a couple of weeks after the (younger) baby started walking, Jack suddenly decided it was high time he did the same. I’m sure we’ll also have some not-so desirable things that he’ll learn from other children in the future, but for now I’m marking it down as a positive!
– Daycare has pushed me to push him. We struggled to get Jackson to sleep in his crib when he was an infant, but when summer rolled around and we were home for a few months, I was absolutely determined that he’d be sleeping in his crib by the time we went back to school. Good thing I did, because new regulations at our daycare don’t allow kids to take naps in the swings or bouncers! If it wasn’t for daycare, I likely would have let it slide a bit longer and wouldn’t have worried about getting him in the crib. When he moves to the toddler class in the fall, the teacher in there is big on working on potty training with the kids. Having a support system working with me at school will encourage me to get brave and give potty training a shot faster than I might if I didn’t “have” to. Daycare has helped me realize what he’s actually capable of (since I’m seeing it happen in all of the kids who are his age and slightly older) and helped me stay motivated to try new things with him and not worry about it failing.
Of course, I could also write a post about the drawbacks of daycare, but we’re focusing on the positives here! Sometimes things don’t turn out exactly as you’d hoped they would, but in the end as long as Jackson is loved, happy, and healthy, then we’re doing alright.
What are your favorite parts about daycare/your childcare situation? Or, if you stay at home, what are your favorite parts about that?
pomegranate / 3565 posts
i love seeing everything DS1 has learned! The art projects are great and things I would never had thought to do. Peer pressure can also be a positive thing! He takes great naps at school and eats better than at home!
pomelo / 5628 posts
I just love that I’m finally reaping the real perks of being a teacher. Sure I had vacations and got done early before, but it wasn’t a big deal. Now I get home at 4 every day, so I still feel like I get a good deal of time with my son.
kiwi / 578 posts
Love this. Am about 10 weeks pregnant and have always dreamed of being a SAHM but it’s not going to be an option for us. Enjoyed reading this piece of your perspective!
guest
This is great, such a helpful post! I agree with everything on your list. I’ve found the daycare staff to be a fountain of great knowledge. They’ve helped this clueless first-time mama get my kiddo on a better nap schedule, clued me into the fact that my son was ready for solids, and so much more!
kiwi / 511 posts
The arts and crafts, truly I love doing them but I don’t know if I would have the patience to do them with my kids. One of my biggest struggles as a parent is that my kids “don’t play right” meaning they follow their ideas about how a car should drive on the couch and not follow the road in the car rug. I really don’t care if they drive their cars on the couch but when we play cars it is a struggle for me to open up the imagination.
I love the peer pressure when it works to my advantage
because sometimes it doesn’t. And the pressure doesn’t have to be overt. DS2 small eater but he east so much better at daycare, I think because his friends are eating a lot. We do family meals together (Breakfast and dinner M-F and all three on the weekends) but parents are not friends. I also think it helped DS1 get potty trained quickly, once we made the decision with his input that he was ready it was pretty darn quick. He was never teased or anything but just seeing the other kids using the potty was what worked.
grapefruit / 4187 posts
I experienced the same feelings and struggle putting LO into daycare and now feel exactly the same way! I was telling DH the other day that his day at daycare is WAY better than what I would be able to offer him as a SAHM. I took a month off in December and I found that my days were filled with errands and chores with very little time for fun things like Gymboree, play dates, etc.
I also hope to one day be a SAHM, but I think for our family that would make more sense when he is in (public) school. I would have the daytime to get chores done but be available to pick him up at 3pm and take him to activities, etc.
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
I agree with all these reasons! I never envisioned myself as a SAHM but daycare and being back at work reinforced that even more for me. Baby C is in a home daycare for now, so we don’t have some of the structure I’d love to have (help with potty training, larger groups of kids, etc.), but even without that, she’s more social, more comfortable around people, her verbal skills are great and she’s learned a lot of play skills and we’ve gotten valuable advice from experts who have been raising kids for years. And it definitely makes me value our time together more.
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
i too love daycare way more than having a nanny.
olive’s current school is great because they do so many art projects and sensory activities with a wide variety of materials we couldn’t at home. she has really blossomed in her current preschool!
blogger / apricot / 310 posts
yes, yes, yes to this! I also still wish I could SAH, but since I can’t – our daycare has been wonderful and there are so many good things to come out of it.
pea / 23 posts
My twin boys had SECONDS of their green beans yesterday at “school”… I could end my comment there because that’s enough of a reason to love daycare but,
I too was fairly devastated when we figured that I would have to go back to work. But, daycare has been so wonderful for us! Beyond the peer pressure of my children eating and sleeping better because that’s what their friends do, a biggie for me is that… I am NOT a teacher. My 3 children learned more in daycare than I ever would have thought to teach them at home. They come home each day singing songs that I haven’t heard in ages. They are so artistic (they must get it from my husband!) and the crafts and paintings and drawings are far more creative then I would ever have dreamed up. And they learn about different countries, cultures and authors. I am simply amazed at how quickly they soak it in and retain it all.
It is going to sound crazy but, I am very grateful that we were forced to send our children to daycare. I wholeheartedly believe that they are better prepared, socially and acedemically, to enter Kindergarten next fall!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
I love having our kids in daycare too! They have both really thrived and blossomed there! I think it’s important to first find a daycare that you trust though, which can be a challenge in itself!
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
I’ve done both and honestly prefer daycare/working. I really miss the variety of stimulation that I got – adult time, baby time, family time. I’m feeling unbalanced now as a SAHM without daycare. Plus I loved our daycare family.