Mr. Milk and I attend no religious services and hold no belief in one supreme being. We did not baptize or christen William (though we shared with family that we would happily do so, for them, if they desired). We do not attend any formal gathering centered on a belief in a higher power, and we have no plans to raise our children to do so.

Sharing that you’re an atheist with family, friends, coworkers, and now, virtual friends and readers, can be a risky game. Just as I imagine letting people know that you hold a devout belief system that precludes you from certain experiences or foods, it can be a bit unsettling for some to realize that you actually harbor no thought that there is life after death or believe that someone is watching over you (for good, or otherwise).

I have only recently begun outwardly acknowledging the term “atheist” to define my beliefs. If I had a choice that wouldn’t take a great deal of explanation, I’d actually let people know that I’m more a secular humanist. Mainly, my husband and I hold the belief that humans are guided to do right and wrong because of reason and ethics; we can be ‘moral’ and do good things simply because we want to and we think it’s the best course of action for ourselves, the human race, and the world in which we live.

When we first met (eleven years ago!), Mr. M and I loved to discuss religion, politics, ethics, and how these heavy issues would weigh out if and when we eventually had children. Now that William is with us, I am even more invested in ensuring that we purposefully identify ways for our child (and eventually, children) to experience the various religious beliefs and institutions that exist, understand their history and the roots of each’s worldview, and make their own decision on what they believe.

There actually is a rather timely article about raising children without religion in the LA Times. When my husband sent me the link a few weeks ago, it was like a nonverbal nod to our own “sustaining moral values and enriching ethical precepts.” As the article notes, we fall into the category of the secular parents who, most importantly, want to raise our children to have “rational problem solving, personal autonomy, independence of thought, a spirit of ‘questioning everything’ and, far above all, empathy.”  This very succinctly sums up the guiding pieces of our approach to the world, and secular humanism in general.

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Ideally, William would be able to pull from a vast array of knowledge to make the choice to do good, and treat others as he would like to be treated, because it is the ethically and morally ‘right’ way to live life, not necessarily because of a promise of something greater to come in the future or a fear of retribution. In essence, we hope to very purposefully raise our child to live by the Golden Rule. That, I think, is what any parent wants – religious or otherwise! At the end of the day, I also know that there is a chance Will may opt to believe in a higher power, despite having atheists for parents and his general secular upbringing. This doesn’t trouble me – or, at least, it doesn’t in theory, as long I as I know that he has been exposed to a variety of beliefs and religions and makes this decision with full knowledge of what, and why, Mr. Milk and I believe what we do (and don’t).

I acknowledge, though, that valuing the above, without religion, may not be enough. In that, I plan to ensure that William also has a fluid but purposeful education on some key topics. Because we don’t affiliate with a religion, I am aware that this aspect of our parenting will require additional work. In a perfect world, William’s religious education would reflect the following:

  • An understanding of major religious texts, including: the Bible (Old and New Testament), the Q’ran, a telling of the life of Buddha, and the major scriptures of Hinduism (including the Vedas, Ramayana, Mahabharata and Upishnads). Emphasis on the stories that are a part of our speech and guiding morals of the society we inhabit (e.g. understand references to David vs. Goliath, etc). We may even decide to read select stories from these texts as bedtime stories.
  • Celebration of Christmas, with an understanding of its Pagan and Christian roots.
  • Knowledge of what Mr. Milk and I believe, as evidenced through our actions and answers to inevitable questions about the world, and religion specifically. We plan to use the book, Me and Dog to shape some of these discussions, eventually.
  • The opportunity to explore any and all religions he expresses an interest in. We’d love for this to mean attending Methodist services with his paternal grandparents, Lutheran services with his paternal great-grandparents, Episcopal services with his maternal grandparents and varied other worship opportunities with friends and neighbors.
  • The following principles: open-mindedness, compassion, a thirst for knowledge and the innate belief that all people are, at their core, simply doing all they can to build a world that reflects their vision of what is best for humankind.
  • Other sources for fellowship often found at church, through extracurriculars (sports, or newspaper, or drama), neighborhood gatherings, school functions, and other formal youth groups, if he desires.

Anyone else raising a “god-free” child? If you are religious, are there other elements that you think William might miss out on that I haven’t captured?


A typical Sunday morning in our home: playing around in our bed with our little guy.