In my short time as a parent, I have slowly begun to realize that every week, every month, every stage of development arrives with its own “Everest”: a mountain of a challenge that must be climbed. In the midst of the upward push, it feels OH SO DAUNTING. I find myself researching the heck out of the ‘best’ way to make it to the top, and best of all, the downhill half. And when I reach the pinnacle, I often don’t realize I have until I am happily on the other side of it!

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The current Everest at the Milk home is nap time. Oh, nap time! Naps are proving to be one of the most mentally exhausting ventures for us. I am stuck in a ‘purposeful parenting’ limbo wherein I want to raise a flexible, adaptable person who can go with the flow and find comfort in any situation, but I also want my kid to NAP! In my thinking, raising this kind of flexible kid means trying now to have an adaptive, non-regimented schedule for seven-month old Baby Milk, William. We have routines, sure – including a very specific bedtime one. But we try ever so hard to follow cues and, rather than set our day around Will’s “schedule,” we think through what we want to accomplish and ensure we have a method for how to meet Will’s basic needs – food, love and sleep.

However, it is that last need – sleep – that I find most parents rest in two camps.  On one side, there are families that plan their days and activities around ensuring that their child can follow his routine and schedule for sleeping – during the day and at night.  We actually are in this camp for bedtime. We, very purposefully, ensure that Will’s bedtime is paramount and we can follow his routines, albeit with some adjustments if we are traveling or it’s a holiday or special event. On the other side, some families give less attention to following a specific ‘schedule’ and know that their child will get their needs met while on-the-go.

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We tend to fall on ‘adaptive’ side for daytime sleep. For the majority of Will’s seven months of life, that has felt right. When I was on maternity leave, I often planned my day around his big, midday nap and he would take that nap ‘on-the-go’ and this translated to daily adventures. Woohoo! We tended to follow this schedule on the weekends, after I transitioned back to work, which, again, resulted in the ability to venture out and go shopping, out to eat, or whatever.

And then – bam! William may have hit the four-month-sleep regression, but it was something at about six months that hit us like a DOOZY. I’m pretty sure it was teething tied into developmental leaps (he started crawling one week after he turned seven months), but we had a solid month of 2-5 wake-ups per night. Nap time took a hit too- what was a consistent three 45-90 minute naps became ‘maybe he’ll pass out from exhaustion before noon and sleep for thirty minutes.’

Nighttime sleep has been better these past ten days or so (fingers crossed I don’t jinx myself by sharing that!), but naps are still a daily challenge. I’m beginning to wonder if we need to pull away from our ‘adaptive’ approach and consider protecting his daily sleep as much as we do his nights.

Here are the steps we’ve taken to try to help Will nap:

  • Spoke to our pediatrician about the short length of Will’s naps. He asked about Will’s demeanor with the abbreviated naps (still happy and very chill) and noted that some children have lower sleep needs. As long as he’s growing, healthy and joyful, we shouldn’t be overly concerned. Undeterred, we endeavored to try to help Will sleep for longer during the day.
  • Reviewed and read tips from parents who have come before us.
  • Asked daycare their routines for naps, as he seems to do better (often taking two hour long afternoon naps!) there.
  • Adjusted our routine to fit what daycare shared: put him in a sleep sack, place him in his pack n’ play awake, and soothe him if he cries but immediately place him back when calm.
  • Aligned bedtime to naptime. We began napping him in his crib when at home, following his nighttime ‘cues’  – white noise, sleep sack, bottle – and generally trying to show him that daytime sleep is similar to nighttime sleep.
  • Let him ‘fuss it out’. We let him fuss a bit when he inevitably wakes up after 20-30 minutes to see if he can calm himself to transition to the next sleep cycle, or as he attempts to fall asleep.

These all seem to work…about half the time. It also meant that Mr. Milk and I spent several Saturdays just trying to get our little guy to sleep. It put us both in horrible moods and, at the end of the day, we felt that we hadn’t been able to enjoy our free time with our son and what was usually a joy became a chore.

Currently, we’re in the stage of ‘waiting it out’ and recognizing that any sleep, whenever it happens and wherever it happens, is good sleep. We try to follow any signs of tiredness and help Will sleep when he rubs his eyes or gets the crankies, but if we find ourselves focusing too much on trying to help him sleep (and thus, getting extremely frustrated by doing so), we take a step back and regroup. If we’re out and about, this means abandoning the bouncing, ‘shush’-ing, bottle-pushing we might be doing and instead focusing on pointing out the interesting sights around us or being goofy with our son to coax out a giggle. If we’re at home, we pull him out of his pack n’ play and engage with him with some toys and songs.

This method is feeling so much better, mentally and emotionally, but, of course, Will still is not a consistent napper, and it stresses out our caregivers from time to time. I oscillate between being very chill and zen about it all…and giving in to my WHY WON’T HE SLEEP furies.

Any advice for napping we haven’t tried? Anyone out there successfully ‘wait out’ a kid who eventually became a great napper? Give me hope, please!