For the last few weeks, bedtime has been a complete and total disaster.
While Little Oats didn’t start sleeping through the night until about 15 months or so, she has been remarkably good at going to bed on her own since about 7 or 8 months. We have the same bedtime routine (stories, singing, prayers, and bed), and she usually snuggles up with her buddies, then falls asleep on her own within about 15 minutes. It’s a wonderful trait, and I didn’t realize how much I relied on my ‘me’ time after 7:30pm until this phase hit. The sleep monster phase.
On Sundays, I have Little Oats to myself while Mr. O works. One Sunday night, as we were winding down our evening, I asked Little Oats which pyjamas she wanted to wear. And instead of choosing some, and lying down for me to put them on her, she started screaming. “No Mama, I don’t WANT that jammas.” The fighting, flailing and general tantrum-ing didn’t stop until I relented, and decided it was warm enough in her room to go to bed in just a diaper. So we chose a few books to read, and I went to sit down in the rocking chair. “No Mama, MY chair! I sit there!” The screaming began again, and once again, I gave in and let her sit down in the rocking chair. We read three books, said our prayers, and I lifted her into her crib.
Her little legs clamped around my waist, and she started wailing. “No Mama, I don’t WANT bed. Not bed!” I had to peel her off of me, lay her down in her crib with her buddies, and rub her back until she calmed down. I sang another few songs, and left, hoping that this was a one-off and she would fall asleep soon.
Over an hour and a half later, she was still chatting in her crib. She demanded a banana, more songs, another book, all of her buddies (she’d thrown them on the floor), and a new diaper. I’d given in to all of the above (especially after she removed her diaper), and she still wouldn’t fall asleep. Finally, I lay down beside her on the floor and held her hand until, magically, she drifted off to sleep.
I texted Mr. O at work to rant about the awful bedtime we’d had, never thinking it would be more than just a one-off.
That was two weeks ago.
Mr O, lying beside her crib, trying to get her to sleep.
One of a thousand bedtime stories (she’s ditched the Zippy now)
Sorting her bedtime snack, tucking them in; another stall tactic
Since then, we’ve been dealing with similar iterations of the same thing. Demands for snacks, diaper changes, more water, more books, fewer books, and many, many more songs. We gave in at first, attributing some of it to the springtime cold we had all caught. Then we started getting stricter, capping the books at 4 and the songs at 9 (three renditions each of Frosty the Snowman, Jingle Bells and Jesus Loves Me, her nightly requests). We’ve tried moving bedtime later, and then earlier, both to no avail.
As I sit here writing, she has been in her crib, talking to herself, for over an hour. She’s not upset (though getting her pyjamas on was a nightmare), but she just won’t fall asleep. She woke up from nap at a reasonable hour, had plenty of time outside and activity to tire her out. She hasn’t had any sugar close to bedtime. And yet, she still won’t sleep.
I’m at a bit of a loss at this point in time. With a baby on the way, I’m a little terrified about what this prolonged bedtime might do to me. On the other hand, I know that this is just a phase, and that eventually it will pass.
What has your experience been like? Please don’t tell me its time to drop a nap (she’s 22 months…I can’t handle that!). Any tips for this weary mama?
guest
Everyone I know (including myself) has had bedtime battles like this right before/at two years. I bet it will pass on its own in another week of two!
guest
Sorry, typo — *week OR two
squash / 13764 posts
I am going through the same thing with my LO (2.5yrs) for the last month! I am thinking our solution might be to drop the nap…but that scares me too!
grapefruit / 4235 posts
We went through this just after L turned 2 – he started getting out of bed for HOURS at a stretch. We supernanny’d him – kept the bedtime routine predictable and just kept bringing him back to bed w/o comment. eventually it stopped.
We *had to* stop the nap for a couple weeks b/c i had a C-section and couldn’t carry him back to bed in the afternoons – but I’m so glad we got back into it as soon as I could physically lift it again. He’s almost 2.5 now and we can def. tell the days that he doesn’t nap.
kiwi / 511 posts
I am going through it again with a 5 y.o and a 3 y.o. The 3 y.o is learning from the 5 y.o
Things ebb and flow we have some great weeks and then horrible days/week like last night.
The kids share a room and things are mostly good when we put the 3 y.o. in first and the 5 y.o. in 30 minutes later, the biggest challenges arise when the 5 y.o who still needs a nap refuses a nap (only on weekends rarely at daycare), we put them to bed at the same time. I think we need to just suck it up and let him go to bed 30 minutes later regardless of if he naps or not. But when he is overtired it is harder to get him to give into sleep. It is a precarious place to be.
nectarine / 2834 posts
I have been going through it for a few months now with DD who is 31 months. What has really kept it from getting out of control is not giving into any of the demands. We say goodnight to all things that are stall tactics- the potty (she asks to sit on it), the sink (she wants to wash her hands), cups (she wants a drink) and books after she gets read her 3 books before bed. We just repeat on broken record, it’s time to go to sleep. She’ll toss and turn and ask for “something” (literally, says mommy, I need something!) and we just repeat that it’s time to stay in bed. We know we can’t force her to sleep but we know that giving into her demands will only prolong the process and make her feel like she runs the show, so we do all we can to eliminate that part. Some nights are awful, some are totally smooth. And it’s at nap time too. But I am not giving up the nap. I can’t make her sleep, but she can at least have quiet time alone in her bed.
kiwi / 511 posts
@Tidybee: yes my 5 y.o. is all about the “I need something” same exact phrase. Sometimes it is to tell me he loves my shirt, sometimes he needs a drink etc. He is potty trained so we told him that he is allowed up to go to the potty if he needs to otherwise he has to stay in bed. He is actually pretty good at that and sometimes he does have to go even though he went 10 minutes before hand. When he does use the potty we try no interaction but we do interact it is just a good night go back to bed.
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
Ugh. This has been us for the last couple days. We are going to try a little bit later bedtime. Last night we finally had to put him in the car and drive around after almost 2 hours.
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
We have been going through this for months now. Ever since the time change. It doesn’t matter how tired she is, even if she takes a 20 min car nap for the whole day, she takes 30-60+ mins to fall asleep. We have tried earlier and later bedtime. Nothing works.
We now have her get her diaper and picks out her jammies. It does cut down on that fight. If she starts crying about not wanting them. I will say ok, Mama will pick them out. She says No I do it!
guest
Mine is almost the same age as yours, and we just went through that a few weeks ago! Same as you, she has been a pretty decent sleeper and no bedtime battles. Then one Monday out of the blue, she was terrible! Almost like she was scared of her crib. We co-slept the first week just to get sleep, then the second week I was determine to get her back in her crib. Started out doing what you are doing, rubbing her back and sitting in her room. It didn’t really work, because every time I tried to sneak out “MAMA, SIT!!” Going on the third week, she was particularly awful one night and I just let her CIO because I had enough and was done with her shenanigans. She cried for 20 minutes then fell asleep. The next night she cried again, but less time. I did notice she has some teeth popping out, so she might have been teething. I also attribute the sleep disturbance to her language has been exploding lately, and every time she goes through a developmental period, she always sleeps terribly. It was just harder this time because she is older and more aware of everything (and has more stamina to keep herself up)!
guest
We have these cycles off and on. Its so exhausting. My strategies that have worked are to be boring and (as hard as it is) stop engaging. We were endlessly up and town, tucking in, turning off, patting backs, ‘come check on me’ over and over. Eventually we tell her, she just has to stay in bed, read or play if she wants…but we’re going to bed. We turn off all the lights in the house and we pretend to sleep while we read on our phones. If we hear her coming, we fake snore. She sees how boring it is and how the whole family is having to sleep, and she takes herself back to bed. The end. It took about 2 months for our phase to pass and get back into pleasantness instead of resistance.
blogger / cherry / 247 posts
while we didn’t go through a really rough patch, we did have a period when Ohana would get up (she was in big girl bed) several (2-10) times right after her going down. a friend suggested we do two things: 1) leave her door open-ish. toddlers are aware something is going on out in the house, despite them going to bed and they want to feel connected. leaving the door open makes them feel less isolated. 2) do some “checks” after you say goodnight. the checks also let them know they’re still on your mind. we wouldn’t talk when we did the checks, but would sort of make a noisy walk to her room so she knew we were coming. we would stand in her doorway for a second and then turn and leave.
when we started, we told her we were going to do these two things and why. we told her we would come check on her, but she could not get up. 95% of the time it worked like a charm, so i’ll take it. in the beginning, we did 3 checks. we now only do 1.
like i said, i have NO idea if these things will help, but maybe?
guest
We had a similar experience just after the 2nd birthday and yes we dropped the nap which fixed it completely. Sorry I know it’s not what you want to hear, six months later I’m still mourning! She still naps some days especially if we are in the car – maybe just drop it on particularly quiet days and see if it helps? Good luck I feel your pain
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
same experience with both kids at 22 months. been there with the hand holding through the slats. they are too smart now. shortly after we had to transition to a regular bed because of climbing and bedtime only got worse sorry to say.
what did work best with both kids was to leave the door open, and tell them we’d close the door if they came out.
it’s a lot of trial and error to see what finally works!
grapefruit / 4923 posts
i laughed out loud at the picture of mr. oats on the floor next to the crib. haven’t we all done that.
LO is almost 2.5 and almost since turning 2, he has resisted bedtime. at first, like you, i was giving in because i thought something was really off or wrong. then when i finally got wise to the situation, the “best” thing that works for us now is tough love. we turn off the lights, turn on the twilight turtle and nighttime machine, start singing twinkle twinkle…and the whole time he’s jumping up and down in his bed like a maniac.
we leave anyway and close the door, and i let him cry at the door for about 5 minutes. then i go back in, point to his bed, he climbs in, i cover him with blankets, and leave. i don’t say anything or look at him. it’s annoying that we have to do this every night, but overall it takes up 15 minutes and i’d rather have that then having to sleep with him in his room, which has never been a good idea.
guest
Our daughter just turned 2 and we’re going through the same thing (also she will NOT let daddy do any of her bedtime stuff and we have a baby coming in 3 months, so I’m a bit worried). What has been working for us is a lot of talking about all the fun stuff we’re doing the next day and how she needs to sleep now to rest up for tomorrow – and also telling her that daddy and mommy are going to sleep now too (white lies).