One thing I have been working on very hard this year is reducing my reliance on technology and the time I spend distracted. My mom got me the book Hands Free Mama for Christmas and I have been slowly working through reading it this year – it’s honestly been life-changing for me and has prompted me to make a lot of changes to the way I do things.
It’s so easy for me (like most people, I think) to get caught up in browsing my phone or laptop when we are hanging out around the house. It starts off with just wanting to check Facebook or look something up really quickly, and the next thing I know half an hour has passed and I’m now reading random Buzzfeed article or scrolling through Twitter for the third time in an hour. It’s unnecessary and a total waste of time – it doesn’t actually add anything meaningful to my life but I can’t seem to stop myself.
Now that Jackson is getting older and exploring his world a little more, he’s looking for my attention a lot more often – he wants me to play with him, talk to him, and slow down and enter his world more often. When I have my nose buried in my phone, I miss out on so much. I don’t see the way he quietly babbles to himself while he’s sitting on the living room floor and flipping through books. I don’t see the way he squeals with glee when our dog licks him in the face, and how he leans in with his mouth wide open to ask for another kiss. I miss the opportunities to have him help me do stuff around the house because I’m rushing through it so that I can move on to the next thing. But when I set down my phone and allow myself to slow down and move at a toddler’s pace, I find that a whole new world is opened up. I see all of the little nuances of his personality and I have never once regretted stepping away from the Internet to focus on Jackson.
I plan to do a full review of Hands Free Mama when I’m done reading it, but I can tell you for sure that it has shifted the way I think about things and has really encouraged me to spend more time away from technology and being present in the little moments of my day. I know it’s only going to get more important as Jackson gets older and more aware of what I’m doing, and it means so much to me to be really soaking up these memories of him as a tiny little toddler and enjoying him as much as I can before he gets too big to want to play with me.
The more I try to step away from technology, the easier I find it to be – I don’t know if I’ll ever go so far as to get rid of my iPhone in favor of a non-smart phone (though I think that sounds just dreamy!), but I do want to continue to reduce my time spent mindlessly surfing the internet and increase the amount of time I spend focused on my family and making memories of even the most mundane moments. I also loved Mrs. Pom Pom’s recent post on “slow parenting” and I found that I really identified with a lot of what she talked about.
What tips do you have for reducing reliance on technology/the internet? Anyone else actively working to decrease the amount of time you spend distracted?
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
This is so hard for me too. I feel so isolated at home with the kiddos, and I find myself looking for ways to connect to the outside world through my phone. I definitely think it has saved me from complete and total insanity in the last 2 years, but I struggle to find balance. I read parts of Hands Free Mama, but I might need to dig in and read the whole thing, especially since lo is older now and wanting a lot more of my attention than he did when he was younger!
Thanks for this post!
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
I definitely try to do this more as Baby C gets older. When we get home from work/daycare, I usually make it a point to leave my phone in the other room, especially because I get easily distracted with work emails more than anything else. I do sneak peeks occasionally on weekends, but really try to limit it to when Baby C is napping or is playing on her own. It’s definitely hard.
pomelo / 5093 posts
I actually really disagree with this idea, for my own life, at least. Reading buzzfeed, browsing facebook – those things do add concrete value to my life. They help me to unwind when I’m tired, and to rejuvenate when my introvert brain is overwhelmed. Facebook helps me to feel connected socially when I spend most of my time with my family. It also helps me to feel a tiny bit engaged intellectually, now that I’m out of the university world. Heck, conversations like this help me to clarify my feelings and ideas about the life I lead.
I am unapologetic about being an introvert, and my preschooler already understands that I simply cannot interact with her every moment of the day. But if I could, I still wouldn’t – I don’t want her to think that I exist entirely to serve her and to entertain her. We’ve struck a great balance of time spent actively engaging and time spent together but doing our own things, and I really appreciate it. She’s an introvert too, and she’s already very good about taking quiet time to recharge. We deploy screen time mostly for this reason, and she’s also very into just quietly playing on her own when she needs a break. It works well, and I’m glad to be teaching her to meet her needs through modeling meeting my own.
I see a lot of posts like this, and I always wonder why people beat themselves up about it so much. Do you really feel like idly browsing isn’t serving any need for you, even just the need for downtime? Is actively engaging with your child every moment of the day truly achievable, and is it really ideal? There are wonderful moments with your children all the time, but there are also wonderful things to consume and enjoy electronically, and I’m ok with that. I would worry about losing myself in motherhood if I tried to turn away from the vast, interesting, online world.
persimmon / 1479 posts
Great post! I don’t have any LOs yet, but the book you mentioned intrigues me. I’ll check it out
coconut / 8279 posts
@sarac: I agree with a lot of what you have to say! I leave the house early in the morning, pick up LO from daycare and solo parent most nights. Mindlessly scrolling through Twitter and the like is how I unwind. I don’t have time for a TV show or even a good book most days, a few minutes of social media or web browsing is my escape.
pomegranate / 3375 posts
Thank you so much for this post. I look forward to the full review. I am so guilty of the random browsing … I need to remind myself that this time is SO precious.
pomegranate / 3375 posts
@sarac: For some reason, I don’t feel bad for doing other things … like quilting, or reading a book while LO is playing in the room with me. But, I really don’t want her growing up, and remembering me with my face in my phone all the time. I think some people feel like they have an unhealthy “addiction” to their phone. I know I feel like this … I often find myself scrolling through FB, and having to stop myself, because my baby is right here, and I’m missing a prime moment of playing with her.
Overall, I want to ask myself, “Does this bring me joy?” … whether it’s browsing on my phone, playing with my LO, reading, crafting, etc., as long as it truly brings me joy, I personally must focus on this, otherwise I get really distracted by stupid things.
guest
I recently began a Facebook hiatus and realized how easy it is to give it up. I feel like if people want to connect with me, it’s not the majority of people on Facebook, whom I never interact with other than technologically. At a soccer game for my niece recently, a parent missed seeing her child’s first goal because she was looking at her phone. I don’t want that to be me. I
Want to be present with those who are important and not present for those who do not take precedence over my family and friends. There has to be a balance and I really appreciate this post.
olive / 50 posts
I deleted the Facebook app from my phone. With less I “need” to check on my phone, the less time I have it in my hand. I’ll check it during the day at work (since I use facebook for my job anyway), but I don’t really miss it in the evenings or on the weekend.
blogger / apricot / 378 posts
@sarac: For me, it’s less about feeling like I need to be engaging with my child every minute that he’s awake and more about being present in his life and actually soaking up the moments I do spend with him. In addition, like @littlejoy said, I want to be very careful about the images Jackson sees of me as he grows up – I feel like so many people have unhealthy relationships with their phones and are constantly missing out on conversations, moments, etc. because they’re so distracted. I don’t want to set that example for Jackson.
I certainly do still use my phone/laptop/watch television around him, but what I”m trying to be more careful about is that I’m truly only doing it when I want to and when it brings some sort of joy to my life, not just when I’m bored and mindlessly browsing. I do get joy out of keeping up with Facebook, Instagram, Buzzed, etc. but I get just as much joy out of checking it one time a day as I do when I check it twenty times a day – so I try to be more conscious of what’s purposeful/meaningful technology time and what’s just filler that doesn’t need to be happening.
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
@sarac: As an unapologetic introvert myself, I agree with you completely and do think that occasional breaks add to my well being and mental health and I do think that it’s OK. Like others have said, it’s when my kid is actively telling me “mommy phone, mommy busy” that I start thinking that the balance may be off. I definitely don’t spend every waking moment with her and don’t feel the need to, but I try to use the phone when I’m not in the same room so that she a) doesn’t ask me for it/try to pull it out of my hands and b) doesn’t make the association that this is what mommy does all the time.
pomegranate / 3393 posts
I hate that so much of how my son sees me is with phone in hand, distracted. It’s also become increasingly weird for me to be out and see literally everyone on their phones, tablets, e-readers, etc.
So I want to be mindful and will follow this conversation with interest. I’ve left Facebook and instagram, and I try only to use my phone when my son is asleep. We’ve cut down our TV watching a lot during the day, and got rid of cable so we’d watch more deliberately instead of browsing channels out of habit. That’s all I got so far.
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
@littlejoy: Yes. This. I think you should do things for yourself but I often scroll through social media on my phone out of a mindless sort of compulsion, not because it really brings me joy, like you so perfectly said. And I hate the idea of my LO always seeing me staring at my phone. I work from home and she at 19 months has already taken to trying to shut my laptop
So I really want to be as “hands free” as possible with her when I don’t HAVE to be using technology.
blogger / cherry / 204 posts
Definitely constantly working on being less distracted. I’m home all day and I think I’m pretty in tune with my toddlers cues. My husband recently learned this lesson. He isn’t able to have his phone on him all day for security purposes so when he comes home he would try to catch up on news etc while also playing with our son. Day after day this led to our son clinging to him like crazy, whining and seeking attention. I would have claimed all day how wonderful he was and then my husband would come home to that. He’s now learned that if he devotes 100% attention to our son when coming home and either pauses in the car to check his phone before coming in the house, or just manages to hold off entirely, our son is a completely different toddler and after some play time and attention eventually starts happily playing independently. Thanks for sharing this!