Thump thump thump. 

From the morning wake up kicks, to the tiny rumbles during our mad afternoons of classes and snacks, to those rippling belly rolls that always seem to happen right as I’m laying down trying to fall asleep, every little bump and thump I feel inside is a reminder that change is coming, and coming soon.

I just had my 30 week check up and it’s amazing to think in 10 short weeks this life inside of me will be coming out to join our family. As this is my 3rd pregnancy and I am juggling life with an almost five and two year old, I didn’t even know how far along I was until this appointment. August seemed so far away, a vague notion to be dealt with somewhere in the future, but quantified with the number 30 weeks and all of a sudden it doesn’t seem so far after all.

This is my last pregnancy and by nature I am a very emotional person when it comes to change, so the weeks flying by is very bittersweet. On one hand I am excited about meeting this new little person who will hopefully complete our family. I can’t wait to see what they will look like (Drake and Juliet were almost identical at birth), as well as their personality in comparison to their siblings. I’m excited to see Drake and Juliet’s reaction to this new person in their lives and even though I have never been a fan of the newborn stage, I am facing this one with a lot less trepidation maybe because I know this is the last time, for the better and the worse parts.

On the other hand I am once again racked with worries and guilt that come with introducing a new person to the family. Before Juliet’s arrival I worried so much about how the change would affect Drake, who had been an only child for three years prior. I worried he would become jealous or upset at this new intruder into his world, one that took up his mommy’s time and energy and attention, all which was solely devoted to him previously. Drake however proved me wrong in every aspect as he welcomed Juliet into our family as if she was the greatest marvel he had ever seen, and the best gift we could have given him. To this day Juliet remains Drake’s favorite person and though his love at times is too rough and forceful, he truly adores her and has never once struck out in malice, jealousy, or spite.

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So with that one would think my anxieties about introducing a new sibling would be assuaged, but this time I am even more nervous and scared. I do worry a lot less about the transition for Drake as it seems he takes these things in stride, but Juliet is another story. Since birth Juliet has been much more clingy and attached to me than Drake ever was, even as a newborn. For months I could never place Juliet down and she basically lived in my arms. It was tiring, exhausting, and frustrating for a while, until one day it absolutely wasn’t. I’m not sure when and why the adjustment happened, but one day it just became so routine to the point that I craved holding and being with Juliet just as much as she wanted to be with me. I also stopped working right when Juliet was born, making me a more consistent presence in Juliet’s life than I was with Drake.

At almost two now, Juliet and I have a bond that is much different than the one I had with Drake at every stage. It’s not to say Drake and I don’t share a close connection; I certainly think we do. But perhaps of her personality, Juliet has remained a snuggly little girl who still finds ways to wriggle into my arms whether it’s story time, she is frightened, or just because she is happy to see me after a short time away (naps or an occasional solo errand). In retrospect now as I look back at Drake’s personality vs Juliet’s, I see now how much more adapted Drake was to having my attention split vs Juliet. Coupled with the fact Drake was older when Juliet was born vs Juliet’s age when this next one arrives, and I once again have a lot of fear and anxiety about the transition of a new sibling in the home.

So as the weeks slowly tick away I try to relish and take in every one of these small precious moments I have with my kids, especially Juliet. Whether it means more snuggles and stories before bed, or dragging myself out of bed when they first wake up rather then setting the alarm for a quick 15 extra minutes of sleep, I try to remind myself how special this time is I have with just two babies under my care. I know in the end Juliet will adjust just as Drake did, and life will find a new normal that will seem so familiar and comfortable as the last two years have been for us since Juliet’s arrival, I’ll wonder what I was worried about to begin with. But right now as those little thumps get stronger and stronger, reminding me soon how life will change, I am trying to find a way to enjoy these special last weeks with the two little loves of my life, and remember a time when they were my only two…until there was three.