When I last wrote about choosing a primary care provider for this pregnancy, we were on the fence about having a doula. We had one last time, and it was really helpful – a truly beneficial experience. Between the prenatal classes, her attendance during birth, and several postpartum texts, calls and visits, the support we received was incredible. And, to top it all off, because she was a family friend, she gave us a discount on her services. What would have cost approximately $1200 cost us less than half of that – a major factor when facing a year away from work.
So, you’re wondering, why haven’t you just called this family friend, booked her, and called it a day? Simple. She’s unavailable. She’s gone back to school, and September (Baby Oats’ due month) is the start of the semester.
The other doulas in our area (I had to check…were there any other doulas?) were charging an average of $1000 for the birth and 2 postpartum visits. I was sure they were just as experienced, and I knew that any support was better than no support. As I pulled out my notepad to create a pro-con list, I was struck by the fact that – hey, we’d done this before. Do we even NEED a doula? Let the list-making begin:
PRO:
- support for Mr. O
- help with pain management techniques during labour
- a voice to advocate for us
- help and support postpartum
- someone else in the room in the event my case was transferred
CON:
- we don’t have $1000
- my awful social anxiety means that meeting a new person means extreme levels of panic
- we’d done this before – was the money worth it?
The cons, though fewer in number, were outweighing the pros. Baby Oats was a bit of a surprise, so the financial aspect weighed heavy on our minds. We were completely prepared to dismiss the idea of having a doula all together, when my midwife mentioned offhand that student doulas often offer lower prices. I asked her to pass along any contact information she might have, and wiped it from my mind.
Until I got that contact information. My student midwife was attending a birth the other day, and she got to chatting with the doula who was there. This doula is part of a large network in our area, and not only was she accepting new clients, but they had a team of student doulas working towards DONA certification (and needed more hours for births). My midwife called with the information, and upon searching the doula’s name and website, I realized that it’s a really, really small world. This doula is a member of our church, and she volunteers with my husband; we’ve known them for a few years now. And, once I emailed her, she graciously offered to work with us toward a price that we could afford.
That got the ball rolling again. Now, with the pros and cons virtually balanced, we had to decide. Do we go with a doula, whom we could most likely afford, or do we read some more books, chat with the midwives, and decide to go it alone?
At this point, we’re still undecided. We’ve got some time to choose, but not a whole lot. What would you do, given the circumstances? Did you have a doula for your second (third, fourth…) birth?
cherry / 141 posts
We had a doula for our first and we 100% felt it was worth it. We were a medical transfer from a birth center so it was great to have her support alongside my husband and our midwife. I’m totally antisocial too and it was hard to meet a new person-I understand your pain. We are now pregnant with our second child and we have already booked a doula. This one is less experienced then our first but we felt she had a very calming presence.
goodluck with your decision!
pea / 21 posts
I’m kind of going through the same thing: we loved our doula the first time, she was free (a student at the time, just gave her a nice gift card afterwards) and I would use her again in a heartbeat but she moved across the country. I can think of plenty of other things I would rather spend $1000 on. I’m planning to ask about other students at my next pre-natal visit and I’ll interview a couple of them and see if we click.
guest
We had a doula the first time, and it was absolutely worth it. However, for the same list of cons you provided, we opted not to have one the second time around. My second birth was smooth, uneventful, and more or less went just as I would have hoped. However, labor was much harder on me the second time, even though it was shorter. Pain management was really hard to handle mostly on my own, and if there had been even the slightest hiccup, I know I would have given up on my birth plan. That made me realize that the doula’s presence was the main factor in how calm, focused, positive and supported I felt during my first labor.
That said, if I have another baby, I’m still not sure I would get a doula. Money is the biggest factor for me though, so now that I know there’s a possibility of students at a lower rate, I would probably look into that!
grapefruit / 4441 posts
We really struggled with this decision as well. In the end, we decided to forgo a Doula because it was our second child and it seemed like a lot of money. I wasn’t set on a natural birth, and if I had been, I think we probably would’ve gone with one.
cherry / 196 posts
We had a doula the first time and she was wonderful. I wanted an all natural birth and the doula was very supportive and helped get me through the first 24 hours drug free. Things then took a turn and I ended up on Pitocin, having an epidural, an infection for me and baby, and 35 hours of back labor that all ended with a c-section. This time around, I decided against hiring her again, mostly because of the cost, but also because I was accepting of the idea that I might just end up with a RCS, so her presence was not necessary.
The second labor ended up being much smoother, I handled the pain well and was calm throughout, and I ended up having a VBAC. In the end, I am glad I didn’t hire a doula for the second birth. I really wanted to try for the VBAC, which I wanted to do with as few people in the room as possible, but I was also totally open to the epidural and to possibly needing another c-section. It was nice that the second birth went smoothly and I don’t think a doula’s help would have made a difference. Good luck with your decision!
pineapple / 12053 posts
I’m weighing pros and cons now but we moved to a new city and so I have to suss out new leads. A student is an option though so I’ll see what the going rate is and go from there!
pomelo / 5258 posts
I had a doula for LO1’s birth. We negotiated a discount rate (1k) with her but since LOs labor was 51 hours we tipped her 50% (essentially the orinigal rate).
When I was pregnant with LO2 I couldn’t get myself to decide if I wanted a doula again. I had some birth trauma from LO1 and I really didn’t want to open old wounds by thinking about labor too much. My doula tried to get me to address it shortly after LO1 was born but I tried to bury it.
Although my reasoning for not hiring a doula wasn’t great I’m glad I didn’t. My labor was really only 2 hours long and I delivered as soon as I got to the hospital. There’s little chance a doula would have made it.
cherry / 222 posts
We had a doula for both LO1 and LO2. In both instances, I was really glad we had hired one. We definitely hesitated on hiring one for LO2, particularly since my labor for LO1 was so fast and straightforward. Despite the fact that my labor with LO2 was super fast, having the doula there was incredibly helpful and I’m so glad to have hired her.
cantaloupe / 6086 posts
We had one for #1 whom I loved and she was worth every penny. Then we moved states.
I didn’t really think we needed it for #2 since it was likely to be faster but honestly went with it as an insurance policy – in case our childcare plans (not great with no family) didn’t go as planned I wanted help if DH had to be with #1.
I never clicked with her as well though, and in the end it hardly mattered. My labor was about 4 hours and less than an hour was super intense. She never made it (we were only at hospital 45 min before birth and I had been ok myself at home) and sent a backup – I didn’t end up wanting anyone touching me so her Job ended up being taking a few pictures! But I still felt ok about having it as insurance.
If we have #3 I will probably skip it. Not worth the money at this point.
guest
We had a doula for both kids. Doula 1 for LO 1 was a student doula at the time and we had hired her through an agency. She was half price of a ‘regular’ doula because of her student status (she had all but written her final exam). She was amazing and I called her immediately on finding out we were pregnant. Unfortunately, she was living in a different part of our province. I went with a doula who was recommended by my neighbour and who lived nearby. Her price was reasonable and we had similar views on birth. She wasn’t as stellar as doula #1, but I definitely needed her, although during labour I felt my midwives did quite a bit of coaching and a bit more ‘work’ than the doula did in terms of providing support. I’m not sure if I’d go with a doula if we chose to have a 3rd child — I’ve done two unmedicated births and I completely trust my midwives.
guest
Both births were unmedicated. We had a birth doula with number 2. Best decision ever!
cherry / 175 posts
Totally Do It. I joke that my labors are easy payday for our doula because she’s spent less than 3 hours at the hospital both times… BUT having her there is invaluable. Having her help me work through techniques to manage the pain is why I pay her. My husband is wonderful – but she has YEARS of knowledge. With my last labor she spent an HOUR countering pressure with each contraction and it’s the only way I made it through. My husband would try to relieve her but he just couldn’t get the right angle. (Had my labor been slower maybe he would have had time to learn – but I wasn’t willing to suffer through his learning during transition! haha) Just knowing I had her there for support no matter WHAT happened during labor and to advocate for the birth I wanted was very important. Especially in this day when often times you might not get your favorite doc or midwife from your practice. My second baby was born on the new doctors first night on call! I hadn’t even met him yet – granted all he had to do was break my water at 10 cm and catch the baby 3 minutes later. BUT I knew and trusted my doula and didn’t worry about anything else. (I will say since he was a new doctor he took extra care stitching me up good as new which was an awesome benefit! I think many docs race through that!)
cherry / 160 posts
Do it! I had a doula who was working towards her certification and had it was only her second birth and so she was free! I figured I didn’t have much to lose and I’m so glad we had her there – she was wonderful!