Okay, I may not want to have all the babies, but I most definitely have the fever, and I really don’t think our family is complete yet. Just saying that statement is blowing my mind, because I was adamant—adamant—that I only wanted two children. “One for each hip,” I’d tell people. In fact, after I’d say that, I’d caveat having more kids with, “Only if my husband got out of the military, because I can’t do it all by myself.” Being a solo parent for periods of a time is hard, and I really didn’t want to be completely out numbered, especially since I only have two hands to hold onto them.
From the day I met him, Mister Rabbit’s had his heart set on wanting several kids (three girls, to be exact), but I always shied away from the very thought of more than two. My brother rounded out our family of four, and our little family always felt perfect. We had a mini van and I got the back seat (all. to. myself.), and he rode in the middle. Going out to dinner was never an issue, because four-tops are always easy to snag, and neither of us were ever left out of anything, because we always had each other to play with.
Our littlest is just a few days shy of being five months old, so this isn’t a pregnancy announcement—it’s more of a realization. After I had BunBun something in me changed. I love being pregnant, I love growing a baby, and I actually really like labor. Then there’s everything that comes after—that’s the really good stuff. I adore seeing my girls play together, and I’m in awe of seeing them grow; it’s astonishing how much they learn, and watching them love is simply amazing. Having the four of us together is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever experienced, but I just get the feeling that our family isn’t complete yet.
I suppose my younger, naive-self forgot to take into consideration that if I had more than two kids that they wouldn’t all be the same age (unless multiples came along, of course). I never thought about the fact that the children will grow up. If I get pregnant next year, my now two year old will be around four when the new baby arrived, and I wouldn’t have a baby anymore because my youngest would be two, and would then take on the roll of an older, middle child. They’d get older and more helpful—I wouldn’t have to carry all three on my hips at the same time.
The challenges of raising three kids would certainly keep me busy, and my hands would, indeed, be quite full, but so would my heart.
I struggled a lot after I found out I was pregnant with BunBun, because I truly didn’t know how I could love another little soul as much as I loved Bunny. She was my everything, and I invested so much into her life, starting with trying for close to a year to get pregnant with her. Then BunBun came along totally out of the blue. I was so busy during my pregnancy with her, chasing around her sister, that I didn’t have time to bond and fall in love like I did with my first pregnancy. Honestly, even after she was born it took more than a few days to feel that connection, but when it came, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I never understood how I could love another child until I had her and now my heart is bursting with a fierce love.
That love—that joy of having children—has captivated me and I want more of it. I want to experience another pregnancy, and I actually really want to go through labor and delivery again. But more than that, I’m looking forward to loving more children. While I don’t think we’ll be looking at starting a basketball team or starring in our own TV show with how many kids we’ll end up having, I do think there’s room for at least one more—God willing.
What about you. How many kids do you have or do you want to have? How did you know your family was complete?
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
Thank you! We are in the same position and trying to decide about more. Sadly the financial aspect of more scares me and the reduced quality of life (like going out to eat with a table for five, owning a three bedroom house etc).
guest
Love this! We want a third, at least, but won’t be trying for a couple years – we have a 2.5 yr old and 9-month old and want a little more spacing with the next to give #2 some more time as the baby, and to help make it work financially (when the oldest is closer to entering kindergarten).
guest
My 2nd is 3 months old and I just returned to work. Our family of 4 was solidified when I started budgeting for 2 in daycare.
pear / 1696 posts
Ha! We had the exact same mini van situation in my house! I got the back seat and little sister got the middle. We actually have an older brother, but he is 7 years older then me so he was off doing his own thing and didn’t hang in the mini van too much
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
We want to have one of each, but will go for a third if we double up. We think 3 is a good number for us, but we’ll see!
pomegranate / 3275 posts
Currently pregnant with number four, and I can say we are done! I always wanted a big family and I kept vacillating between being done and wanting one more when I was pregnant with number three, but this time around I know we are done.
pomegranate / 3225 posts
wow. My second has totally changed my attitude the opposite way. After our first we thought maybe three, now, my second has been such a challenge (and two under two, really) now I’m not so sure. If anything we will wait until my younger one is three this time around! Whew! I’m tired just thinking about it.
pomegranate / 3565 posts
I could have written this myself! Baby fever for #3 pretty came as soon as #2 was born. I’m scared at the thought a lot of the time. But also very excited about completing our little family. I always feel like I’m missing one.
pear / 1614 posts
Currently pregnant with #3 and not sure – I think I want a fourth but I do not love being pregnant this time around. And my second was tough. But I always knew I wanted 4 or more and DH initially only wanted 2 (although he was on board and very happy with the third) so 3 might be it.
@kml636: We had the exact same situation – second was a challenging newborn and with two under two it was a really trying period for our family.
blogger / kiwi / 588 posts
DS is almost 2.5 and DD is 6 months. I think because DD is an easier baby than DS we are contemplating having a 3rd. I always wanted 4 kids and DH wanted 2; so 3 might be the happy compromise. Plus since we already have one mini-me each it doesn’t matter very much what the 3rd will be.
blogger / clementine / 750 posts
@MamaBehr: So did you just “know” that this would be it? I’m wondering if I”ll have that same feeling when/if the time comes.
@kml636: haha, my mom always told me that if my brother was the first born, they would’ve stopped right there. I had no idea how easy a baby could be until my second came along. She’s so easy that it’s just making me want more—only problem is that the next one could be another *ahem* more spirited child like my oldest!
@Mamasig: I seriously thought I was crazy even mentioning that I wanted another baby, and those thoughts really started coming just days after she was born! With my first baby it took me a good year before I wanted to even think about our family growing!
@jojepie: Awww, we each have a mini-me, too! My oldest daughter looks just like her dad, and then the new baby is basically my twin! If we have a third, he/she will totally be the wild card!
guest
I could have written this post! With DD (3 on the 18th) I wasn’t sure I would ever want or love another baby. When she was around 18 months we started trying for #2. DS is 7 months old now, and I knew I wanted another baby, and like you, to go through pregnancy and labor again as soon as he was 3 months old. DH is not on board though, and its heartbreaking having to come to terms with my feelings. I envy those that get to ‘scratch that itch’
persimmon / 1096 posts
My first is 27 months and my second is almost 6 months, and I know I’m not done either (although there are moments when I think “yeah, it would be nice to not relive this again”). I do think that we will space out #3 further than #2 – I got pregnant with him when #1 was just 13 months, and I know lots of people do that but I can’t do it again and be my “best self” as a mom to the two I already have.
I completely identify with the feeling that I’m not yet done with pregnancy and childbirth. It’s not the reason that I want a third (even potentially a fourth) – I want more children because our family isn’t yet complete, and I know that in my bones – but it’s nice to not dread the experience of carrying and delivering
guest
I agree with you. We have a girl (2.5 yrs) and a boy (3 months). Everyone tells us that we have the perfect family — a girl and a boy. I come from a family of 4 (I have a twin brother) and DH comes from a family of 6 (he has an older brother and sister and a younger brother). Although there are aspects of pregnancy that I don’t like, overall, I do enjoy being pregnant. I also, like you, have a sort of fondness for labour (it’s productive and I like productivity!). So, I’d be in for a 3rd kid and I think so would DH. We just have to decide when — I’d like to work in between having kids because my career is also important to me, but I’d also like for us to move out of apartment (we have a 2 bedroom and it’s already feeling cramped). We have decided though that if we do have a 3rd it should be before/by DH’s 40th birthday (in 3 years). So I know we plan and god laughs, so I wouldn’t put it past that it might be sooner than 3 years, but I’d like to have a slight larger age gap between kids for the next — maybe have our little boy be just about turning 3 or be at least a little closer to 3. I find our 2.5 year old is so much fun right now and she understands more than she did even 3 months ago when her baby brother was born.
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
Great post! I’ve been thinking about this a lot as we will be deciding if our family is complete in the next year or two. I will say that having three very, very little people is exhausting, but even with so many tinies, you figure out how to make things work. I still leave the house by myself with all of them in tow and it works fine, so don’t over think the mechanics of how it will all work.
bananas / 9357 posts
@Mrs. Rabbit: I could have written this post! You’ve said everything that has been on my mind lately. Every since I had my daughter (she’s 10 months right now, my son is 2.5), I’ve had this little feeling that I want another. Like there’s a piece of our family missing. I thought my DH was dead set on 2, so just thought 2 was enough. We talked recently, and he’s on board with a third! eeek! I’m actually excited to be pregnant again and have another baby, but want to space #2 & #3 out a bit more so will maybe start trying in another year and go for a 3 year age gap.