You’re probably going to figure out who wrote this pretty quickly, but I’m publishing it anonymously so I can be as real and honest as possible without having it be searchable later one. Ja feel?

So, here’s the thing. The Mr. and I are super duper excited about the upcoming arrival of our little girl. We’ve been waiting years for this day, and as it draws nearer, the more excited we get. Her older brother, however, gets more and more anxious as it draws nearer. While the idea of a little sister has been, in theory, exciting, now that the idea is quickly becoming a reality, it’s not so much exciting as it is worrisome for our little guy.

He has said some less than kind things about his sister, to the extent of wishing she wasn’t becoming a part of our family. It’s so sad and hard to hear. We’re trying to find a balance between letting our little guy share his honest feelings and still being respectful. We’ve told him that it’s okay to feel sad or scared or worried or angry, but that when he says things that are hurtful towards his sister, it hurts our feelings, too, just as it would hurt our feelings to hear something hurtful said about him. We’ve also reassured him that nothing will change how much we love him; that we’re not sharing the love we have and splitting it between him and his sister, but rather, growing our love as our family grows.

On one hand, I really empathize with our son. My little sister was born when I was in first grade, right about the same time as our son will be when his sister joins our family. Because I was 6, I distinctly remember what life was like before my sister and after my sister born. I can remember what it was like to have both my parents’ attention all the time. And I can remember the immediate burden I felt as I became an oldest child — not in a bad way, but definitely in a way that was a shift from being the only child. But, I can also remember that life wasn’t as fun without a sibling. Which is what we’ve been trying tell our son. And, since he and his sister will be closer in age (about 3.5 years) than my sister and I, we’ve been telling him that she’ll be able to play with him and will probably love being around him from the moment she is home.

Of course, there’s only so much an almost 6 year-old can truly visualize and try to understand before such a big change happens. Heck, there’s only so much a 34 year-old can truly visualize and try to understand before such  big change happens! And right now, my momma heart is torn between trying to help our son prepare to adjust and really enjoy every single remaining moment of his only childhood, and being excited about our growing family and preparing for our little girl’s arrival.

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This parenting gig is hard, friends. And just when you think you might have the tiniest handle on it, another curveball comes your way and you’re meant to juggle that curveball with all the other balls you’re already precariously juggling. Right now, as I try and juggle parenting a school-aged kiddo and prepare for a toddler’s arrival, I’m reminded of what our pastor once said in a sermon, “You’re only as happy as your saddest child.” It’s breaking my heart to see my little guy upset about this big change that’s coming. Though we’ve known that it was going to be a big change for him, we’ve been so focused on what our daughter’s adjustment will be like because we know it’s going to be so hard for to come home to a new family at almost 2.5 years old…but now we’re really, really seeing that it’s not just her adjustment that we need to prepare for. And, if I’m really honest, I’m having a hard time thinking about not putting my son’s needs first, before his sister’s. After all, we really know him and have loved him for years. His sister, on the other hand, we’ve loved in our hearts, but we don’t really know her yet. I worry she’ll feel like a stranger and that it’ll be difficult to focus on her when our son might really be hurting from the change. We’re continuing to talk with and love on our son as we work through his feelings and we’re praying hard that the adjustment will be (relatively) smooth…for all of us.

Only time will tell how it will really go…and of course, we’re hoping it will really go wonderfully, but we’re preparing for lots of bumps in the road as we find our groove as a family of four…

How did your oldest handle the transition from being only to oldest?