Hellobee

By now you’ve probably seen the articles and blogs circulating the internet about the Demography study showing that parenthood is worse than divorce, unemployment, or even the death of your spouse (just google “parenthood is worse” if you don’t know what I’m talking about). And while it may sound pretty extreme at first, after thinking about everything that parenthood entails, I can honestly say, I get it–those first few months of parenthood can be hard… really hard. I struggled emotionally with both of my daughters; for me, post-partum was not the magical, joy-filled time of love, wonder, and maternal bliss that it was cracked up to be. The constant cycle of crying, feeding, changing, burping, pumping, washing, while attempting to recover despite severe sleep deprivation, and the emotional roller coaster of probing self-doubt (googling: is it normal that my baby…?), for all you struggling moms out there, I feel you.

But looking back, when I think about how I got through those difficult moments (proof if you’re still struggling that this too shall pass), one word immediately comes to mind: community. It really does take a village… I am grateful for all the family and friends that rallied around our family to support us when Joyful was born, and equally, if not more so, overwhelmed by the support we received when Gracie was born. My mom and sisters are always telling me how lucky I am to have had so much support, and they’re right. I honestly don’t know how I would have survived without them. I am thankful for a friend who called off from work to stay with Joyful overnight last minute when Mr. Pizza and I had to rush to the hospital when my contractions were 5 minutes apart. I am thankful for friends who brought dinner to make sure that we weren’t going hungry. I am thankful for a friend who gently encouraged me to take a walk outside with both kids after pointing out that I’d been cooped up in the house for 6 weeks, too nervous to do it on my own. I am thankful for the many timely texts, FB, and IG messages, checking in on me to make sure I wasn’t losing my sanity. I am thankful for my sister who took a week off work to help me. I am thankful for my mom who came frequently to cook, clean, and help around the house. I am thankful for friends who took Joyful out for the day, showering her with love and attention so I could focus on Gracie.

When I was working at the hospital as a child life specialist, there was a noticeable difference in parents’ spirits when they had a community of friends and family rallying around them, supporting them through their child’s illness and treatment compared to parents who were supporting their child on their own. At best, friends and family provide hope and strength when it’s difficult to press on. And even at worst, misery loves company; you don’t have to walk alone. It breaks my heart to think that there are many who go through the journey of parenthood without community. Not that it’s not doable, it’s just so much more difficult.

So, if you are about to start this whole parenthood thing, try to surround yourself with a community that will walk alongside you on this new journey. If you already have that community of family and friends nearby, I’m sure you’ll quickly discover that they are an amazing blessing, a reason to always be thankful. But if you do live far from family and friends, whether you recently moved or just feel a little isolated, make an effort to reach out and find people you can get connected with. Check with a local hospital to find a parent support group (i.e. breastfeeding support group). Use social media to connect with first-time moms to commiserate or ask for advice. And of course…there’s always the Hellobee community! Get plugged in somewhere. While there may be some truth to the study, a good support system will help to get you through when it’s especially tough. The Beatles said it best…”I get by with a little help from my friends.”