When I used to teach, my coworkers and I would often chat about how teaching is such a thankless job. I spent countless hours outside of the classroom grading papers, planning lessons, researching, and shopping for things for my classroom. It was never-ending but I still loved it even when no one said thank you or that I was doing a great job. It wasn’t always like that though. The first few years were rough and I wasn’t confident as a teacher. I remember taking everything personally and feeling drained, so when my students or parents weren’t appreciative of what I was doing, it made me feel like I wasn’t a great teacher.
What does this have to do with parenting or being a mother? Well, parenting can be a thankless job. Yet we still parent them and love them. The first few months of Little SB’s life, I second guessed myself all the time and wondered whether I was doing enough or doing the right thing. I still wonder if I’m doing enough or doing what I’m supposed to. But now that she’s 2.5 years old, I feel much more confident as a mom than I did when she was first born. It’s not an easy job and sometimes even our partners are not very helpful or appreciative, but we continue to try to be the best parent to our littles.
These are some things I keep in mind to help me whenever I’m especially discouraged or feeling unappreciated.
You are doing a great job even on the worst of days. I have to remind myself that I am doing a great job even if I don’t hear those words. I have to ask myself these questions – Did Little SB eat? Did I spend time with her? Does she seem happy? Even if the day was very draining and long, remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can!
Say bye to mom guilt. I get mom guilt all the time but I try to shake it off. Dwelling on it only perpetuates the feeling and leaves me feeling horrible about my ability to be a good mom. I’m not perfect, but I love my daughter and do my best. I’ve made plenty of mistakes but I try to take care of Little SB the best that I can.
Don’t compare. When I scroll through my feed on Facebook or Instagram and look at the perfect pictures, I sometimes look at my own life and think why can’t my life be like that or my child look like that? Then reality sets in and I remind myself that whenever I post photos on social media, I post the best moments even if 10 seconds before or after I took that picture everyone was fighting. That perfect Instagram child probably threw a huge tantrum right after taking that perfect picture too. Don’t compare – it’s never ending.
Find other moms to commiserate with. We’ve all been there. We’ve all had bad days and your mommy friends know what it’s like. It’s important to have someone to vent to when your child has driven you crazy and your significant other just doesn’t get it. I don’t know what I would do without my mommy friends!
The thanks will come later. Your kids will eventually say thank you to you without you prompting them. How do I know? Because I myself as a daughter feel such gratitude towards my parents for all they have done and all the sacrifices they have made. I definitely didn’t show it when I was younger! I know that one day my own child will express those sentiments.
grapefruit / 4923 posts
thanks for this! most moms are too hard on themselves (myself included). in my kid alive at the end of the day? yes? score!
blogger / apricot / 349 posts
@edelweiss: I know! I’m always hard on myself while I’m encouraging to other people/moms.