I always thought I would have my babies sleep near me, in a crib or bassinet next to the bed until about 6 months. I told myself I would never bedshare because it was unsafe and I didn’t want to risk it. But, things change when you have a baby who needs you throughout the night.
I remember pretty clearly the night that I finally decided to grab LeLe out of the in bed bassinet we had and hold her in the crook of my arm. She was 6 days old, tiny as can be, and she hated the bassinet. She wanted to be with me. She slept, well, like a baby and I finally got some sleep as well. The next night I tried to put her back into the bassinet, but she wasn’t having it and I gave up and held her again. We spent the next 6 months sleeping like this. At 6 months, I finally moved her over into the middle of the bed and she spent her nights migrating back and forth between me and Mr. Cereal for cuddles.
When I was pregnant with Little Bug, I knew I would want to bedshare again but I was anxious about LeLe and how she would feel about transitioning to a different space. So we decided to side car our crib (which up until that point had never been slept in) to our bed, making one giant family bed. Mr. Cereal actually side-carred the crib to the bed the day we came home from the hospital with Little Bug. LeLe was super excited about having her own space, with her pillow and a blanket. She is still thrilled with her bed to this day. We got the side-car idea from here.
Little Bug took to bedsharing like a champ and is a snuggle king. I love having him close and with him still eating every 1.5 to 2 hours during the night, it makes for a little less lost sleep too. LeLe sleeps on one side of me, Little Bug on the other, never by each other. I am the barrier so LeLe doesn’t migrate over and crush him during the night. Mr. Cereal will take Little Bug some mornings so I can get a good hour of sleep in, but for the most part, he is glued to me throughout the night.
I was terrified of the risks of bedsharing before I read a lot about it and instilled my own measures to ensure safety for all of us. The first thing I do is make sure that my sheet and blanket do not come higher than my hips. I sleep with a long sleeved shirt or a sweatshirt on so I don’t get cold. Little Bug has a blanket, but he only uses it to fall asleep and then I remove it and put it on LeLe’s side of the bed. My pillows are tucked up against the wall and he sleeps at around my chest level so his face is nowhere near the pillows. We have a king size bed, so Mr. Cereal stays put on his lonely island and he barely moves in his sleep. As I said above, I act as a barrier so that LeLe does not end up anywhere near Little Bug. As he gets older I will probably be a little more lax about this, but that will not be until he is at least a year old. I do not take any medications that could cause me to go into a deep sleep and I avoid alcohol for the most part. Neither Mr. Cereal or me are particularly deep sleepers, so this works for us, but if you or your partner are, bedsharing might not be for you.
I chose to bedshare out of desperation, but it has turned into the most wonderful thing for my family. Mr. Cereal loves the set-up and so do I. Our kids sleep well, we feel connected as a family, and it is comfortable for everyone. I dread the day that we will have them in another room. For me, and Mr. Cereal, this falls into our semi-attachment parenting plan. I am a strong proponent of the idea that as babies and young children, our kids need us and I am committed to providing them the closeness they want. The bedsharing falls into this theory. LeLe sleeps like a champ now, mostly in her own space, so I am not worried about the eventual transition to her own space. We have decided to let them decide on their own when they want to move.
Bedsharing is not for everyone. It requires sacrifices from you as a parent so you need to make sure that it is the right fit for your family. If one partner is not on board, it will likely not work. There are safety precautions that need to be taken to ensure that you are doing it correctly. For the Cereals it works and I am extremely happy with the set-up we have right now. I love the snuggles and the ability to soothe them during the night if needed. Mostly though I love the extra bonding time we have together.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
Same with us! What started as a desperation move has turned into a whole year of bedsharing! We are thinking about side-caring too now, not b/c I have another one on the way but b/c it’s getting a little dangerous so I’d like her to have her own space where 3 sides are at least up high that she can’t climb out of and I’d be the 4th side holding her in.
olive / 62 posts
What a lovely and informative post. Like you, I never planned to bed share, but it ended up being the healthiest choice for our family. I was initially defensive and apologetic about it, but now that I’m open and positive about it, I hear from so many other moms that they are bed sharing, too.
You hit all the safety points here but one — bed sharing should only be done when the mom is breastfeeding, giving the dyad enough synchrony that the mom is very tuned into baby’s movements at night. For anyone interested in why bed sharing is the safest and healthiest option for many families, I recommend Dr. James McKenna’s research.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
We currently bedshare because DS couldn’t be sleep trained. He cried until he threw up. Rinse and repeat all night long. As a working parent, there’s only so much lack of sleep we could handle between numerous MOTN bed sheet and clothes changes and a bath!
We’re expecting DD in March and have been thinking heavily on this topic. We’d still like to move DS out onto his own bed and same with DD after a couple months. We’re actually hoping DD will take to her own bed early on and convince DS to move into her room with her, but we’ll see.
In the meantime, I’m going to look into the side-car thing! DS is in a super cuddling phase right now and wants to be up against me.
guest
I have to admit that I cannot imagine bed sharing with my kids. I have done it a couple of times while in a hotel and my son was not going to lay in his pack and play nicely when he could see mom and dad so close ha. I had his feet, hands, and head being shoved into my body all night. But, what I’m curious about is sicknesses. For example, when a little one is sick and throwing up in the night, doesn’t that disturb the whole family? Or, for another example, I got the WORST cold this fall and was seriously hacking all hours of the night. If my kids were in the same room, they would’ve been woken right up multiple times. Have you come across any of these issues?
pomelo / 5084 posts
Love this post. And going to look into the research pp mentioned. I get the dirtiest looks when I mention co-sleeping
pomegranate / 3401 posts
Love this post! I never thought I would bed share (I didn’t with my first) but out if desperation I tried it with my second and we love it!
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
Kim – Well if DD is sick and throwing up in her crib we’d be up all night also, lol! And so far we haven’t been so sick where we’re up coughing all night. We have coughed/sneezed, etc and our dog has made noises MOTN, but she has never woken up! The white noise in the room helps.
pomelo / 5093 posts
I have a four month old, and yet, due to bedsharing, I have something approaching a normal amount of energy. My daughter nurses at least four times a night, too. It’s heavenly to be going through this early period and to not be just desperately miserable due to lack of sleep.
blogger / kiwi / 626 posts
@Herrade: I know exactly what you mean about being apologetic at first. I remember having to defend my choice to my parents and to my pediatrician. I’m much more confident now and people’s opinions don’t bug me as much.
blogger / kiwi / 626 posts
@sarac: Little Bug is still nursing four times per night too and it is sooo easy to get him on and nurse him, then back to sleep quickly. It’s pretty great.
blogger / kiwi / 626 posts
@snowjewelz: Exactly! We use white noise too but we really haven’t experienced any issues with one kid waking the other up.
pea / 24 posts
We bed shared for 7 months out of desperation. It was the only way DD or I could sleep from the beginning. I physically needed her next to me the same as her. My husband enjoyed it too as it gave him that extra time to be near her since he had to go back to work. Breastfeeding while sleeping also made it so I never really felt sleep deprived.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
@Mrs. Cereal: How big is your bed?
I bed shared with my mom until I was 7. She had a queen and often my dad slept in the guest room. We have a queen now and sometimes I like to kick my broad shouldered hubby out to get a better rest. I can’t imagine sleeping three- even a tiny person- in our bed.
guest
I attempted a co-sleep one night early on with my daughter and I didn’t sleep a wink so knew that it was not going to be the right option for me. You need to do what works for everyone in your family!
blogger / kiwi / 626 posts
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: We have a king size bed, and with the crib side-carred, it is like a king with a twin attached. It’s huge!
guest
Oh, I see, thanks for responding. My husband and I trade off and on when our kids are sick. We figure there’s no point in both of us being up all night.