Hellobee

Drake was around eighteen months when he suddenly hated baths. He would scream and kick and try to climb out of the tub, water would splash all over the bathroom, and I would end up soaked with a crying toddler in my arms. It wasn’t a very pleasant time, and I started to avoid giving him baths at all costs, sometimes stretching it for days because of the trauma it seemed to inflict on my little boy. I did some research and decided to buy some new toys to try to entice Drake into the tub again. I also found these shampoo visors that would keep the water out of his face, which was a lot of the problem when it came to bathing. Armed with my new arsenal of tricks we attempted bath time again, and it worked! Drake loved all the new toys and when I put the visor on and washed his hair, it made a huge difference.

After that Drake began to love bath time. He always loved splashing and playing in the water, but like many kids didn’t like having his hair washed when the water would get in his face. His reaction seemed a bit more than the typical kid’s dislike, and it might have been related to some of his sensory issues.

The visor became a regular part of bath time. Drake knew as soon as I put it on his head what to expect, and bath time moved smoothly from then on. When Juliet started to take baths with Drake I attempted the visor with her, but unlike Drake Juliet didn’t seem to mind the splashes of water over her head so the hat stayed solely for Drake.

The years moved on and hundreds upon hundreds of baths passed. Then one day recently when I reached for the visor to place on Drake’s head, he said he didn’t need it anymore and just tilted his head back to let me wash his hair. I would love to say at that moment I realized what was happening, but alas I didn’t. I was probably in a hurry trying to bathe the kids quickly before Fiona woke up. I was probably thinking ahead to what other things I wanted to accomplish that day.

And so Drake washed his hair without his visor for the first time in so many years, and the moment went unnoticed. Truth be told I don’t really remember when I noticed. I don’t know how many baths came and went before it finally dawned on me something had changed. I remember starting to put Drake’s visor on when he looked at me and said, “Mommy I don’t need that anymore.” And it was in that moment suddenly everything became clear. A passage had happened — my little boy had given up a small part of his childhood and I hadn’t even realized. The visor had been a form of protection, safety for Drake when he was little much like a pacifier or a lovey can be. Bathing without it had been a nightmare until we had the visor. It was just natural to pop it on him, but now my little boy was looking at me saying he no longer needed it. Worse yet, he had been saying it for a while and it was only at this moment after the fact that I had finally even realized.

Parenthood is filled with lots of wishing and hoping. Wishing your child would finally sleep through the night, hoping they give up pacifiers easily and so on. We are always looking ahead sometimes wishing we could just move past this stage, that we sometimes forget to enjoy the one we are currently in. Many times we don’t realize that as our children move toward independence and shed the vestiges of the past, how significant these small things can be for them but also for parents as we see tangible proof our children are growing up. Parenting is such a bittersweet journey as you prepare your children to grow independently without you, while realizing as you do how much you’ll miss their reliance on you. A lot of times once they do achieve that success, we find ourselves missing those older moments, wishing we had just one more day to cherish.

The little visor now hangs untouched in our bathroom. I could probably pack it away until Fiona is older in case she wants to use it, but I just can’t right now. I wonder at every bath if maybe Drake will change his mind, though I doubt he will. Still I can’t bring myself to put it away just yet… a visible memory of the little boy who once wore it at every bath.

He is humoring me for this picture by wearing it one more time since I never caught the actual last time