When we moved to the Philippines, the kids brought a couple of books, a handful of small toys and some drawing supplies. For the first month we were amazed that they kept themselves occupied by happily drawing 4-5 hours a day. Then I found a used book store in the island capital and bought a ton of books. Charlie’s birthday passed. Christmas passed. Their toy and book collections grew. They started drawing less and less, and fighting more and more.
It seemed that the more toys we had, the more behavioral problems we had. And we witnessed the same phenomenon in our nanny’s 3 year old son, who had virtually no toys or books. He regularly spent the day at our house, and was well-behaved and ate anything he was served. He loved coming to our house because he was exposed to many things he’d never seen before like a pool, cable tv, ipad, toys like Legos, children’s books, art supplies, and copious snacks. But as he spent more time at our house, he started becoming naughtier. He never had to be told to come eat a meal, but at our house he was too busy playing to eat and too busy playing to sleep. And naturally he wanted the things that our kids had. Now our nanny doesn’t like bringing her son over because it affects his behavior while he’s at our house and when he’s back at home.
That got me thinking… does having too many toys lead to worse behavior? Or does having very few toys result in better behavior?
Currently Charlie and Olive have a play market, play tent, play doh, Legos, Magformers, bikes, a couple puzzles, a couple board games, small toys like animal figurines and Shopkins, and lots of drawing supplies. Compared to an average child in the Western world, it’s probably very few toys. But compared to the average child here, we have a veritable playhouse.
When Charlie and Olive had less toys and books, they were content to just draw together all day. They improvised — wood scraps became blocks. They collected rocks and other knickknacks found in nature. They used their imaginations and made toys like play money by drawing it.
I’ve blogged in the past about how having less toys encourages more imaginative play, and how they were happier with less toys when I pared them down. And now I’ve witnessed that they can be happier without virtually any toys at all. Having too many toys creates more opportunities for fights; it leads to shorter attention spans and less focused play; it creates more mess to clean up (and more of me nagging them to clean up!); and desire for more toys can cause tantrums.
So we’ve been paring down our current toys a bit and donating some to local kids. And they don’t miss them at all.
What do they do with most of their time now? They play all day with the 6 dogs that we’ve adopted. They spend a lot of time outside in nature. They come up with random games. And they still draw.
Do more toys cause more problems for your little ones?
. . . . .
Our motley crew of dogs. They all have owners next door, but dogs are free to wander around and usually they’re underfed. Other than Alko (who has a busy dog life as a pack leader and only comes for dinner), they hang out in of our house all day.
Alko & Brownie (their real names). I’ve known Alko since he was born 2 years ago, as his mom was Mr. Bee’s parents’ dog and he usually spent the whole day with them. I always fed him when we visited. Alko quickly started visiting our house once we moved here, and always had Brownie with him. Brownie was just the sweetest, gentlest, calmest dog ever and I immediately fell in love with him. Brownie is my favorite dog.
Next to join our pack were Chickie and Cheetah (though their real names are Sven and Sven 2) who are part of the same pack. I tried to resist them for 2 months, but they were persistent and came every single day. Once the kids named them and started to feed them occasionally, there was no turning back. Chickie is probably under a year old and Cheetah is a little bit older, so they are a lot more playful (and mischievous!) than Alko and Brownie. Chickie is Charlie’s favorite dog.
Taro the yorkie is Mr. Bees’ parents’ dog, but he comes to visit every day. He’s under a year old and loves playing with all the pups on our side! Quil is our nanny’s 8 week old puppy and the newest edition to our pack.
Smyb showed up about 2 weeks ago looking so sad, thin and obviously recently had puppies. How could I turn away a mom? Eventually she started bringing some of her puppies with her (she has 5!), and they look to be about 2 months old. She spends all day sleeping under our playhouse, so I think she actually is glad to be away from her puppies that are old enough to be weaned but are still nursing.
If you’ve kept count, we can have as many as 12 dogs including Smyb’s puppies! As you can see, it keeps the kids quite busy!
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
This reminds me of an article I read about a mom who didn’t buy her son a single toy. He played with stuff around the house, outside, and spent quality time with their “village.” He was a happy kid.
We’re planning to take a less is more approach with toys to foster greater imagination and exploration. Good behavior isn’t a bad byproduct either.
pomegranate / 3212 posts
This is such a hard thing to do as a SAHM. It often feels like we need all.the.things in order to make it through the day – let alone the week. Especially now that it’s winter.
I recently bought some toys that they love playing with at the library and playgroups from a second hand store, but now they could care less about them. I learned that it’s great to have a reason to leave the house (to visit the favorite toys we don’t have at home) and it also creates less clutter at home.
We do toy rotation but it seems more and more like we only need a small bin or two of toys upstairs and all the rest can live in the basement until it’s time to switch it up.
pomegranate / 3225 posts
I think about this a lot. Since I work at home, I feel I am constantly buying them new stuff to keep them occupied. It’s a vicious cycle I want to break! The dogs are so adorable!!
GOLD / apricot / 341 posts
We recently temporarily removed most of our three children’s toys. We just sold our flat and for “staging” we pared everything down to just a few items, leaving them with a less-stocked play kitchen, their brio train, a couple of big toy trucks, one ride-on car, some lego, some books and simple drawing supplies. First of all it made us not want to move anymore. We don’t feel cramped, we don’t feel like we need more space, another bedroom, a garden. But more importantly, the kids are better able to find something to play with and stick to an activity longer. They are bickering less. And toys like the brio train which I think is so fantastic, are finally getting some attention. But toy rotation is demanding and it’s hard to actually just permanently remove most of their toys. When our eldest turned five before Christmas he received around 30 gifts. Some books and a couple of good toys (like lego). But also a whole bunch of plasticy junk. A couple of things i donated immediately but i can’t just give away most of his gifts… We are definitely going to try to limit what we re-introduce and also be really intentional with what comes along in the move in a couple of months so that our new set-up in our new home is more minimalist, but it is difficult since most of the clutter toys come into our home as gifts…
olive / 50 posts
I find this so true – my DD got soooooooo many toys for Christmas, but her favorite thing to play with is still a bucket of rocks.
blogger / cherry / 247 posts
I am not sure if I’ve actually noticed Ohana’s (3.5 yrs old) behavior as naughtier with more toys, art supplies, and books, but I have noticed I am a lot more stressed and anxious with all the stuff. Me and Missus read Simplicity Parenting pretty early on and bought into the concepts described in the book. For awhile we did really well, but it seems like the daily creep of “things” has really caught up to us. Me and Missus disagree fairly regularly on this topic. It’s hard to keep all the “stuff” under control. But what I do know is that when there is less around, less visually available, I feel a lot more patient and calm. I have to assume the kids would feel that too…?
pineapple / 12566 posts
This is so interesting. I would gladly get rid of most of our toys. My kids probably only play with 1/4 of what they have, and even when we’ve rotated toys, they lose interest quickly and go back to old favorites.
pomelo / 5866 posts
Ok, my LO just LOVED hearing all the stories about your pups! She said she wants to go there with all of the dogs!
It would be like Doggieland.
guest
My daughter is 4 years old and this is exactly the same. Sometimes I feel terrible that she doesn’t have much toys but then I realize she is much happy playing with pieces of long string, cut up rubber bands, rocks, paper and pen and other tid bits around the house. It sounds very sad that favorite toy is technically pieces of string but she’s very happy!
We also limit her TV and iPad time to almost none because her behavior changes dramatically and listening skills is depleted.
persimmon / 1233 posts
Ok this inspired me to hide away 90% of our toys. We did it last night and it’s only been 12 hours but so far it’s been a huge success! My husband talked to my LO (3.5) about it in advance and he was on board. He was really excited about his clean playroom today and our whole day felt much more calm and enjoyable. Thanks for the nudge!
guest
I wish this was simpler for us, but my son remembers every happy meal toy, sticker, surprise egg prize, etc. that he has ever had. Six months later, he will desperately need one to complete a play scenario and lose his mind if he cant find it. And my SO has hoarding tendencies. I am the only one who gets rid of anything and it somehow multiplies while I’m not looking.
blogger / clementine / 998 posts
@shenoa sounds like your child’s love language might be gifts, I could see how this may not work the same way with a child who truly values anything given to them. I bet if you picked up some random item in your house, your SO would know exactly where it came from. There’s a lot of unnecessary but very real guilt that goes along with getting rid of stuff for hoarders, myself included