Since the birth of Little Bug, I have been wavering back and forth about the possibility of a third child. I really don’t have my mind made up either way, but it is a strange mental place to be in. I always pictured my family including three children and technically we have two living children and one angel baby, but I still have that pull for a third. This is the most unsure I have been about something in a long time. I am usually very quick to make a decision, but with something this big, my confidence in a decision is low. We need time to enjoy the littles we have now and to see what our future brings. I am keeping a running pro and con list to help me make a final decision down the road.
PROS:
*As I said, three seems like the right number for me. I know my heart wants another baby, but my body and my logical mind are not as on board.
*I’m still youngish and the likelihood of getting pregnant again without too much trouble is high. I think I am prepared to have another as far as experience goes.
* I really love my kids, I know I will love another. Babies and kids are my thing. I love the thought of having another one running around and having LeLe and Little Bug have another sibling.
*We already have everything we need. There would be no need to buy copious amounts of clothing, toys, and gear.
*I’ve heard that the transition to three is the easiest because they just fall into the mix. This is a promising idea and makes the fear of having a third a little less.
*There is nothing in the world that is better than the excitement of meeting your baby for the first time. The smell, the snuggles, the overwhelming feeling of this new little person being yours. Ahhh, this is the number one reason for me to have another. I love newborns and I love the power of giving birth. I would do that whole part again and again.
CONS:
*Money. More kids equals more money needed and that is scary to me.
*I am not good at being pregnant. I’m just not. My body does weird things, and I am miserable during most of it.
*The anxiety of being pregnant is overwhelming. I am terrified during my pregnancies that something will happen. I spend 8 months scared to death and always worried about something going wrong.
*Mr. Cereal is not as gung ho about a third. This is a big one for me because I do not want to force him into a third. Nothing positive will come out of that.
*Being outnumbered. This is Mr. Cereal’s biggest concern. One kid is always left out (or so they say) and there aren’t enough resources to go around.
*Little Bug would be a middle child. I am a middle child and I know how awful it can be at times.
*Why mess up a good thing. We are rolling along pretty well right now, why would we upset the balance?
*Time. We are already really short on time, will a third eat up all our minuscule remaining time?
*We are about to see the light and be out of the baby phase. Do I really want to jump back into that again?
*My body is finally getting back to normal. I am scared to be pregnant again, gain the weight again, and have to lose it again. This is selfish, but also really important to me because I hate the way I feel about my body after having a baby.
I am just not sure. We’ve decided to keep talking about it and we won’t make a final decision for a while. We’ve both decided that an oops would be fine, so we aren’t being extremely rigid about controlling the situation. I have decided that waiting until I am in my new position and making a bit more money to make a real decision is best for us and Mr. Cereal agrees. Hopefully an answer become clear to both of us in the next year or so.
I know what my heart is saying, but my logical and practical side are telling me to ignore the heart for now and really consider our situation before adding another child to the mix. But I can’t help but wonder if there is a child out there waiting for us somewhere in the universe. I wish this were an easier decision.
blogger / nectarine / 2600 posts
Im pondering a similar post based on my own feelings. Its glad to know Im not alone in dreaming of a 4th when everyone else thinks the idea is beyond insane
pomegranate / 3225 posts
So hard. Like you, I always thought I wanted three but the reality of two under two has traumatized me… It’s looking like a No for us. Hope you can figure it out!
pea / 23 posts
I felt the same way about going for a 4th child and had many of the pros/cons you did. What decided it for us was my health… I just couldn’t go through another c-section.
And I’ll be honest here, going from 2 kids to 3 kids was the hardest for us. Our second baby was a dream – very laid back and slept very well. The third wasn’t… So I think a lot of it just depends on what kind of baby comes out!
guest
As the third of four children, I get the pros and cons of adding to your family, but can’t imagine life without a house full of kids. I feel so lucky to have my siblings, especially with the idea that in 5-10 years we might have to help care for my parents more. For my husband who is 1 of 2, he and I will be the only caregiver for his parents. For us the hardest part about adding to our family is the finances. We have 2 and are hoping for #3 but need to wait a while to make it happen. #1 needs to be starting kindergarten before #3 arrives.
blogger / kiwi / 626 posts
@Mrs. Chocolate: Honestly, I would have 6 children if we could afford it and if I was better at being pregnant.
cherry / 196 posts
We’re in the same boat. I’ve always dreamed of a house full of kids and I just feel in my heart that there’s a third baby out there for me. Plus, my DS (3 yo) keeps referencing his sister “and brother.” We keep correcting him that he doesn’t have a brother, but he is adamant that he has a brother and a sister. I don’t really know what that’s all about.
I totally agree with you about the “power of giving birth.” It’s such a beautiful phrase and absolutely true for me too. I loved labor, even my first one that was 35 hours long and ended in c-section. I was terrified throughout both my pregnancies too, to the point that I didn’t even announce on Facebook until after the baby was born, but giving birth was amazing.
Good luck to you!
pomelo / 5084 posts
Really good list. Lots of the points I have on my mental list as well – especially potentially upsetting the balance of our home. That’s a big one.
guest
I really wanted a 3rd, but DH wasn’t onboard with that plan. I started to get used the idea that the 2 I had would be it and I was looking forward to the next phase of my life, when my DD (3) and DS (1) wouldn’t be so dependent. Then life happened, and made the decision for me, and now I am pregnant with #3. I struggled for months to conceive DS and DD, and went through multiple rounds of fertility treatment, so it was quite a surprise. I am currently 22 weeks pregnant and go between getting really excited for birth and the newborn snuggles and that sweet new baby smell, and really depressed that we are starting all over again now that the first two have finally settled into a routine. The sleepless nights. The constantly being covered in spit-up. COLIC! uugh! This is “what I wanted” as my DH reminds me, but I can truly say now that I am done, I feel done, which I didn’t before. I didn’t get it before, but I believe now, you will know when you are done. If you don’t feel done, you probably aren’t.