Lil’ Pizza turned three years old last month and her little body is full of big emotions! She is often asking me why she was crying or feeling sad earlier in the day. I find it so interesting that this little one is so intrigued by her own emotions that I want to try my best to help her understand and deal with her emotions in a healthy way.
I came across the term “emotional intelligence” more recently. Simply put, “emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others” (Psychology Today). According to this article in Huffpost Parents, “If we foster EQ (emotional quotient) with our children when they are young, we are setting them up to communicate well, develop strong relationships, negotiate tricky situations, be leaders in their field and according to TalentSmart even earn more money. They will be more empathetic and compassionate to their friends, partners and own children, relate more easily to others and have a greater self-awareness.”
There is so much we can do to help our little ones’ navigate their emotions. This is what I have been doing with Lil’ Pizza to help nurture her emotional intelligence:
Learn to identify emotions
We do simple activities like making different facial expressions to express different emotions. I will ask her to show me what she looks like when she is angry, sad, mad, happy, and excited. Sometimes, we will look at pictures of people with various emotions and try to identify what they might be feeling. We do this in real life as well (mostly with Baby Pizza). Lil’ Pizza will often ask why her baby sister is crying and often tries to guess why. Then we talk about what would make her feel better.
Help her understand her emotions
I was reading Mimi and Bear in the Snow for what seemed to be the tenth time in a row, when I noticed Lil’ Pizza’s eyes well up with tears during the part where Mimi couldn’t find Bear. She quickly went to grab her highly treasured possession, which was her blanket aka Edwin. Often times she is not able to verbalize all of her feelings so I try to help her figure it out by asking her simple questions (i.e. why did that part of the story make you feel sad). Sometime she will just ask the question back to me so I will give her some ideas of why she may have felt that way.
Talk about events that occurred and how it made her feel (address your feelings too)
I will often say things like, “I am really proud of you for finishing that really hard puzzle all by yourself” or “aren’t you so excited to go see your friends today.” I find car rides and bed time to be a great time to talk about our day and a good opportunity to connect an emotion with certain events during the day. One day, I was pretty shaken up when I got into a minor car accident with both the girls. Unable to talk without my voice shaking, I told Lil’ Pizza that I was really scared that we could have all gotten hurt, but that I was starting to feel better since I knew we weren’t hurt and were safe inside our car. I feel like it is healthy to show your emotions to your little ones as long as you know how to deal with it in front of them in a healthy way (of course, you have to use your own judgment as to what is appropriate to display in front of them 
Read books about emotions
Two books that I have really enjoyed reading with Lil’ Pizza are
Learn to cope with emotions
Daniel Tiger is one of my favorite TV shows for children because it teaches them problem solving skills and coping skills through simple songs. One of Lil Pizza’s favorite Daniel Tiger songs is the one that goes, “when you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to four.” It’s helpful to teach your little ones how to deal with their emotions in a healthy way. I have to admit that in the heat of the moment, it doesn’t always work with Lil’ Pizza, but I still want to give her the tools to be able to positively cope and manage her own emotions.
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What are some ways you help nurture your child’s emotional intelligence?
clementine / 928 posts
Thank you for sharing! I’m pregnant with our first and coming from a background that didn’t encourage displaying emotions and feelings, I am determined to not do the same. I hope to use some of your ideas and techniques in the near future for our LO
cherry / 110 posts
Awesome post! I’m really into emotions (my husband might say a little too much). One thing I’d suggest is that you allow for expressions of emotions. We all feel happy or sad or grumpy or angry. It’s part of being human. And so we should allow for those feelings to be expressed in our children as well as ourselves. The thing is to teach children what are socially acceptable ways to express those feelings, but the important thing is to not deny those feelings. So if your child is feeling angry, validate that emotion — say, “I can see that you are angry at me because I won’t let you [do whatever]. I can’t let you [do whatever] because it’s unsafe [or whatever the reasoning is]. But, I understand that you are angry about that. And you can be angry about it.” Then you can go into trying to help them express that anger in acceptable ways. For instance, perhaps you have a rule of no hitting or throwing things, but maybe think about allowing screaming or stomping or just saying “I’m angry at you!” Afterwards you can move on to coping and moving on with your life, but you should allow for expressions of feelings first rather than denying them.
blogger / apricot / 367 posts
We love Daniel Tiger! Especially the take a deep breath song
blogger / apricot / 431 posts
@mrschickpea: I also didn’t grow up in a home where showing and sharing emotions was really a normal part of our everyday. It’s always great that we can start these things new with our kids. I’ve realized that I have to keep growing in this area for myself too in order to show them how to show and process emotions in a healthy way!
@Viola: such a great point!! In the heat of emotions, it can be easy to neglect that really important piece (especially for me since I didn’t grow up being told it was ok). Lil’ Pizza usually responds better to when we pause and validate her feelings!
guest
Love this so much!!!!
pea / 5 posts
Such a great post! I can’t wait to try these exercises with L when he’s older!