The first year with Max went by so quickly, and now we have a toddler. Mr. Ice Cream and I aren’t perfect parents by any means, but most days it’s fair to say we are raising a happy kid. It’s funny to think that a year ago Ice Cream had never changed a diaper and I had only changed a handful. He’s growing up so fast that I want to remember all the details, big and small.
Breastfeeding was tough. While I was pregnant, I had friend after friend recount their struggles and failures with breastfeeding. Secretly, I told myself it can’t be that hard and everything would be okay. After Max was born we quickly discovered the challenges were very real. But we took advantage of the resources available to us, especially the lactation consultants, and after 3 tough weeks I was finally breastfeeding successfully (and non-painfully!). At his early check-ups we were told Max was gaining weight beautifully, which felt like I was acing some sort of unspoken parenting test. It felt great. I loved saying he was exclusively breastfed and would beam with pride when people commented on his chubby cheeks and legs.
But everything changed when I went back to work. I initially felt confident about breastfeeding and brushed aside my doctor’s warning that my milk supply would drop. But after just 2 weeks back at work we depleted the frozen reserves and I began to panic. I started pumping at night, which barely helped. And during the day I was letting sleep deprivation impact my mood. Aaron would ask what he could do to help and if I was okay, but I would curtly reply, “no, I’m fine.” I was becoming difficult to be around.
Around the same time, Max started going through a growth spurt and his daycare teachers asked if I could bring in more milk. I found myself getting frustrated when he wouldn’t finish a bottle and we had to dump out the rest of the milk. Logically I knew that if we had to supplement with formula Max would be fine but I still couldn’t help feeling an overwhelming sense of failure.
I was determined to exclusively breastfeed for the first year, but more and more it seemed like that was not going to happen. When Max was 7 months we started supplementing with formula. I stressed about that decision for a while, but in the end it was the best thing for our family. I found myself breathing a huge sigh of relief because I would no longer be the sole source of food and the pressure to produce would be somewhat alleviated.
By early December (when Max was about 10 months old) I was officially done. I didn’t plan to be done on a certain day nor did I know the last breastfeeding session was going to be the last. But luckily Max adjusted well and had no problems taking a bottle from me. I have to admit I felt a little pang of hurt that he transitioned SO easily. And I was surprised that rather than feel relieved I was done breastfeeding, I was sad that it was over. Even though I didn’t make it to a year, by the time I was done I had logged 405 hours breastfeeding and pumped 2152.9 ounces! Here’s the breakdown month by month.
Number of hours spent breastfeeding
I’m not equating the significance of breastfeeding to the movie Titanic (even my 13 years old self, who had a huge crush on Leo, knows better), but being a new mom is hard, so it’s important to celebrate all the victories. Even though I fell short on my breastfeeding goal, I can appreciate the hours I did spend and that feels good.
Number of ounces pumped the first year
I’d love to know if you stuck with your breastfeeding plan?
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
I could’ve written almost the same post! DD is around 2 months older than Max (she was 1 in Dec). Pumping enough at work became difficult once I was “assimilated” back in and had meetings that would run over time, coincide with pumping times, sometimes I had to travel (local) and miss pumps or have a really mess up pump schedule, etc. It was really hard to get up earlier or stay up late to pump since DD was not STTN… You get the picture!
I started supplementing after she was 6 mo (my absolute bottom line was EBF first 6 mo) in order to stretch out my stash. I believe she was weaned around 9 months. Weaning was actually pretty easy; she had already night weaned herself and not very interested in the boob anyway.
I mean, on many levels I was very happy; before I had DD I wasn’t even sure if BF will work! And I am very happy that we made it past 6 months. I def wish we could’ve gone a whole year, but seeing a happy and healthy DD I have no regrets (most of the time!)
cherry / 120 posts
You are not alone. I wanted to make it a year, but when I went back to work my supply plummeted. We only made it to 8 months, and by then the little one was over it and so was I. I’m happy to have done it for as long as I did, though. Pumping at work is hard!
blogger / apricot / 250 posts
This is one of the reasons I love the blogging community so much. It is so comforting to know that other moms are having similar experiences. Thank you for your comments!
guest
Thank you for this. You are not alone in trying to do it all! I had a similar experience in wanting to exclusively breastfeed but not having enough supply. I was pumping at night and extra after feedings. I was tired, irritable and stressed.
But then my husband said a few magical words, “the important part is to be engaged and present with our children”. This allowed me to let go of my expectations of doing it all and let me focus on the important part.
The girls are now 6 months old and are still mostly on breast milk but now I only pump at work or when traveling. I let go of pumping after feeding as I wasn’t able to be as engaged as I wanted to be with my children.
blogger / kiwi / 626 posts
Gosh, can I just say that I love you because of your charts and graphs. These are awesome!
Breastfeeding is hard, bottom line. You did a great job! 8 months is a long time!
cherry / 100 posts
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I go back to work next week and my absolute must is 6 months EBF, but I’d like to do 1 year. It is helpful to read this and to have an idea of what the experience may be like.
guest
I could have written this word for word, this is exactly what happened to me. But I went back to work at 4.5 months and by 5.5 we had to start supplementing with some formula. So close the the 6 month mark but not quite there. In the end I had to tell myself that all the stress of it was worse for all of us than a little formula to make up the difference each day.
blogger / apricot / 250 posts
@Mrs. Cereal: thanks! It’s weird, but I love making graphs!
blogger / apricot / 250 posts
@Run2shore: good luck going back to work! I know every woman has a different experience breastfeeding, but if you have any questions definitely reach out!
guest
But how did you keep the data for the graphs? That’s what I want to know! Is there an app?
clementine / 920 posts
I needed this post today as I am reading HB while pumping before bed. DS will be 7 months next week and I gave him formula for the first time tonight. I have literally been producing just enough with not even an ounce leftover each day and it is stressful. 6 months was my minimum goal and I met it but now it is time to give myself a break and supplement as needed. My new goal is at least some breast milk until a year:
blogger / apricot / 250 posts
I use the app baby tracker to log activities such as diapers, pumping, food and nursing. The app lets you export the data and that’s what I used to make those graphs.
blogger / apricot / 250 posts
@Bluemasonjar: I felt the exact same way, but in the end once I decided it was okay to give myself a break we were all much happier!
guest
My plan was always to breastfeed until my baby self weaned. I nursed exclusively for the first 6 months and then after introducing solids, continued to nurse until my daughter was 19 months old and I was 3 months pregnant with baby #2. I went back to work (40+) hours/week when my daughter was 5 months old. I pumped religiously every 3 hours for 45 minutes. One night a week I taught at a state university and pumped in the car on the drive home. I drank tons of water, took fenugreek pills daily, and never missed a pumping session. I also pumped on weekend mornings to keep my freezer stash up. I was very committed to keeping my daughter only on breastmilk. I pumped until she was 13 months old and then she transitioned to cow’s milk. It takes so.much.work, support, and commitment, but it can be done. I’m in the middle of a 6-month break from nursing while I finish my second pregnancy, but nursing and pumping will soon to a part of my daily routine again.
guest
Its so amazing it see the #s in those stats! How(/why) did you keep track so closely? I am still bf my 18 month old and I never thought I’d be saying that in my life! Motherhood is an eye opening ride!
blogger / apricot / 250 posts
Hi Robin! We use the app baby tracker to log breastfeeding sessions/diapers/bottles/pumping. The app let’s you export the data so you can analyze it any way you want to. As to why we track all the data (good question by the way!)…..we are nerds. My husband and I are both data scientists so for us it is fun. : )