The first year with Max went by so quickly, and now we have a toddler. Mr. Ice Cream and I aren’t perfect parents by any means, but most days it’s fair to say we are raising a happy kid. It’s funny to think that a year ago Ice Cream had never changed a diaper and I had only changed a handful. He’s growing up so fast that I want to remember all the details, big and small.

Breastfeeding was tough. While I was pregnant, I had friend after friend recount their struggles and failures with breastfeeding. Secretly, I told myself it can’t be that hard and everything would be okay. After Max was born we quickly discovered the challenges were very real. But we took advantage of the resources available to us, especially the lactation consultants, and after 3 tough weeks I was finally breastfeeding successfully (and non-painfully!). At his early check-ups we were told Max was gaining weight beautifully, which felt like I was acing some sort of unspoken parenting test. It felt great. I loved saying he was exclusively breastfed and would beam with pride when people commented on his chubby cheeks and legs.

But everything changed when I went back to work. I initially felt confident about breastfeeding and brushed aside my doctor’s warning that my milk supply would drop. But after just 2 weeks back at work we depleted the frozen reserves and I began to panic. I started pumping at night, which barely helped. And during the day I was letting sleep deprivation impact my mood. Aaron would ask what he could do to help and if I was okay, but I would curtly reply, “no, I’m fine.” I was becoming difficult to be around.

Around the same time, Max started going through a growth spurt and his daycare teachers asked if I could bring in more milk. I found myself getting frustrated when he wouldn’t finish a bottle and we had to dump out the rest of the milk. Logically I knew that if we had to supplement with formula Max would be fine but I still couldn’t help feeling an overwhelming sense of failure.

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I was determined to exclusively breastfeed for the first year, but more and more it seemed like that was not going to happen. When Max was 7 months we started supplementing with formula. I stressed about that decision for a while, but in the end it was the best thing for our family. I found myself breathing a huge sigh of relief because I would no longer be the sole source of food and the pressure to produce would be somewhat alleviated.

By early December (when Max was about 10 months old) I was officially done. I didn’t plan to be done on a certain day nor did I know the last breastfeeding session was going to be the last. But luckily Max adjusted well and had no problems taking a bottle from me. I have to admit I felt a little pang of hurt that he transitioned SO easily. And I was surprised that rather than feel relieved I was done breastfeeding, I was sad that it was over. Even though I didn’t make it to a year, by the time I was done I had logged 405 hours breastfeeding and pumped 2152.9 ounces! Here’s the breakdown month by month.

Number of hours spent breastfeeding
Number of hours spent breastfeeding

I’m not equating the significance of breastfeeding to the movie Titanic (even my 13 years old self, who had a huge crush on Leo, knows better), but being a new mom is hard, so it’s important to celebrate all the victories. Even though I fell short on my breastfeeding goal, I can appreciate the hours I did spend and that feels good.

Number of ounces pumped the first year
Number of ounces pumped the first year

I’d love to know if you stuck with your breastfeeding plan?