I read a line comparing meeting new mom friends to dating and I couldn’t help but laugh, because I have often felt this way as a SAHM. For the last five years, I’ve been fortunate to develop friendships with amazing mommas from all kinds of places. These friendships have kept me sane during the long winters with little ones, offered fun playdates for my kiddos, and provided perspective during difficult parenting phases. However, I still find it takes effort to make new mom friends!
When BeBe was born, I found myself unexpectedly a SAHM with a colicky baby. After strolling the aisles of Target for three months, I realized I needed a better way to meet people. I attended the library story time and chatted with another mom about going crazy in the house with a fussy baby. She suggested I join a local mom group. I had a preconceived notion I wouldn’t have much in common with the moms in the group, but I decided to give it a try and attend a park playdate.
I remember the night before the playdate going through BeBe’s clothes trying to find a cute outfit for her to wear. It was like getting ready for a blind date. The next day at the park, the other moms were all friendly and welcoming. It was a diverse group but they were supportive and non-judgmental. One of the moms had worked as an architect for Disney projects and had a hospital birth. Another mom chose to home-school her five children and had several home water-births. Despite the different parenting styles, these moms became my primary support network and filled in the gaps of not having family nearby.
When we moved to the Midwest to be near my family, it was like being a school kid leaving behind my friends. However, I was excited to make connections in our new town. Soon after the move, I joined another mom group and they were also friendly. However, I couldn’t attend many of the events and missed the opportunity to build strong connections with the women, because I was spending more time with family. Yet, I still wanted mom friends for myself and playdates for BeBe.
This is when making mom friends really started to feel like dating. When BeBe and I attended story times and toddler classes, we would arrive early or stay late. This gave BeBe a chance to play with the other kiddos, and me the opportunity to talk with other moms. After a few classes, I got to know some of the moms. If our kiddos played well together, I invited them to meet us for a playdate at the park. I would send a text when we planned to go to the park soon, and received a variety of responses. Many of the moms accepted my invite and the playdates led to lasting friendships. Often the playdates led to having casual friends to trade baby clothes with. When a mom declined my invite, it was still nice to encounter a friendly face at the library or toddler class. Most of the responses were positive, and I was happy to widen my social circle, and get out of the house with a toddler.
On our way to the park
We’ve also been fortunate to live in a neighborhood with many kiddos the same ages as my two. We play outside when the weather is nice, and I’ve let the neighbors know we are happy to have the kids over to play for impromptu playdates. Some days it’s for two hours, some days it’s for fifteen minutes if we have to rush out for errands.
In the effort to meet new mom friends, I’m mindful not everyone is an extrovert like me and parents have busy schedules. However, I try to extend invites to playdates and activities, because I enjoy being a SAHM more when I have a strong group of mom friends. This fall, when BeBe starts kindergarten, I’ll again be trying to meet new mom friends to have playdates for our little guy. In dating terms, this means I’m going to have to “put myself out there again.”
How was your experience meeting mom friends?
pear / 1955 posts
Let me just say, as a more introverted mom, I totally appreciate extroverted moms like you who initiate play dates! I’ve been trying to get better at it myself, but I always feel awkward and like maybe I’m being too forward. Keep it up, mama!
cherry / 141 posts
I’m definitely a introvert but if my kid and another child play friendly with eachother I usually ask for contact info. I really try to push myself to connect with other moms but I haven’t had any results in friendships yet. I’ve started going to a mommy group at our church which I think will b good as long as I keep going. The only problem is they only meet once a month which in the very beginning of making friends makes it feel like forever. I really want my child to have true connections to other kids and families.
guest
I was pregnant with my first baby last year. My husband and I moved away from family/friends for his school. I knew no one! I tried a mommy group while I was still prego because I needed friends, lol. It’s totally like dating and putting yourself out there. Anyway, low and behold I am pregnant again (yes there will be about 15 months between each kid) and we moved again! Its time to put myself out there once more!
apricot / 377 posts
Terrible. But it’s getting better. I was in a secret moms group with a really clique-y and unfriendly group of women.I had nothing in common with them, as I learned from reading the group’s private facebook posts, but I soldiered on, thinking my kid had to have friends her age. And I wanted playdates and confidantes. Bad call.
So after over a year of not being invited to playdates and birthday parties no matter how friendly and outgoing I tried to be, (they’d post their gatherings on Facebook for all who weren’t invited to see) I said F*&^ all and left. Now I’m meeting women in my neighborhood who are so friendly and welcoming.They actually ask us to do things. And they respond when I ask them to do things. It’s glorious. I hope I’m not jinxing myself because it seems too good to be true after nearly two years of loneliness and wondering why I was excluded.
guest
finding mom friends is one of the things I am most anxious about in Brooklyn. I’m 27 years old and am the only one of my friends here that is about to have their first baby. I’m worried that I won’t be able to relate to other moms because I’m really laid back about most things. I guess we’ll see!
pomegranate / 3105 posts
I’m an introvert and live far from my family – definitely having a hard time meeting people. I talk to some parents in a class I take LO to but nothing has really come of it.
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
i am an introvert but it gets much easier when your kids are in grade school because kids get invited to so many birthday parties! between charlie and olive we went to one almost every weekend.
blogger / cherry / 174 posts
@raspberries: I’m sure I’m too forward at times also, but most times it works out.
@kellyrae: I agree. I think meeting more often give friendships a chance to take off faster. You could always see if anyone there wants to meet more often. You might not be the only one.
@Ali Armstrong: Good Luck with friend dating!
@ MrsMed: I’m sorry you had such a terrible experience. Motherhood can be lonely if you don’t have a strong network. Glad to hear you are meeting more welcoming moms.
@ Karen: I’m actually polar opposite of some of my closest mom friends when it comes to parenting styles. So you just never know how things will work out.
@babycanuck: I found that when I signed up for different classes, I would often recognize a mom from a previous session or class. Once we had that in common it made it easier to connect. It’s hard living far from family. It takes more work to build up your network.
@Mrs. Bee: Yes! We are on the Birthday Party circuit now! It’s been a good way to meet new parents.
nectarine / 2987 posts
It took me two years after moving, but I finally have a couple mom friends that are pretty close to being just girl friends now too. It’s so great. But those first two years were rough.
blogger / apricot / 250 posts
My husband and I have been trying to make couple (who have kids) friends and it is not easy! Neither of us are extremely social so that makes the equation so much more difficult. I’m told that it gets easier the old your kids get, so I’m really hoping that is true!