As Jackson gets older, it can be hard for me to remember that I need to back off a bit and start letting him do things for himself. Over the last two years I’ve gotten into such a habit of doing everything for him, and now I’m having to reprogram my brain and learn that he’s able to do a lot of these things for himself now. It’s helpful to both me and him if I let him practice his independence and do some things without help, and it makes him really happy, too!
I’ve been working over the last few weeks on paying attention to the specific activities where I’m most tempted to jump in and help Jackson – and trying to sort out which ones he actually needs help on versus things that I’m providing unnecessary help on. Jackson’s daycare teacher often jokingly refers to him as Mr. Independent because he’s so insistent on doing things for himself, so there’s no reason for me not to be working to foster that and help him do things more independently! Here are seven things that I’m working on NOT doing for my toddler anymore:
1) Opening his food packets. It’s so easy to get in the habit of quickly opening yogurt and snack pouches for our kids to make things move more quickly, but that’s great fine motor and hand strengthening practice for them! Plus, how much easier would it be on you if your toddler could open their own food?
2) Putting him in the car. I know it’s hard. I know it’s so slow to let them climb in. But not only are they building up independence when they’re allowed to climb up in the car by themselves, they’re also getting some great exercise and working some muscles they may not work at other times of the day!
4) Choosing snacks for him. This goes for clothes, books, etc. etc. etc. Toddlers love being in control. Encourage it!
5) Cleaning up after meal time. I’m still working on remembering to do this every night, but most nights Jackson takes his plate into the kitchen, dumps any crumbs or extra food into the trash, and puts his plate in the sink. Once we manage to get in the habit of doing this nightly, we’ll work on expanding it into helping with other cleanup duties – I want him to learn from the very beginning that everyone in the house helps keep it clean!
6) Cleaning his room. Now that I’ve started to pay more attention and slow down a bit, Jackson cleans up his room himself unless I need it done really quickly. He knows where everything goes (including things like diaper cream, extra blankets, and all of his clothes), and with just minor help he’s able to clean his own room while I sit back and watch. Score!
Mr. Independent wouldn’t even let me help him with the crawfish!
The bottom line is that toddlers are learning how to assert their independence, and if you don’t encourage it in ways that are appropriate and address important skills, they’ll find other ways to express themselves – like in the middle of the grocery store when everyone is staring at you. Of course, working on independence in appropriate ways won’t completely eliminate stuff like that, but it helps! And every time we avoid a meltdown in the cereal aisle of Target it’s considered a win, right?
What are some things you need to stop doing for your toddler?
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
I swear, my toddler is the only one who could care less about doing her own thing, especially with getting dressed. We need to start pushing these things more, thank you for the reminder.
grapefruit / 4923 posts
my 3.5 year old could be doing so much more on his own!
pomelo / 5621 posts
DS is three and I never let him do 2 or 3. I guess I need to work on these.
kiwi / 635 posts
Yes totally agree letting them soothing a independently cuts down on bad behavior.. This totally applies in older ages too (teenage years haha). I’m the worst at letting my lil guy be independent when I’m rushing out the door so he rarely climbs in his own car seat. He did a couple days ago though and he was beaming when he sat down
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
Good for you! I need to be better about all these things! We’ve really been working on #6 and #3 makes me a big nervous (although we do have an SUV), but I bet the more independence they have the less they will need to assert it in other areas!
guest
Wow! I’m certainly agreed with you on letting your kids to do thing independently. It’s a long process, requires time and patience.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
Ooops! Xander definitely can get dressed/undressed, but we’re usually in a rush and don’t let him. And #5??? I need to start having him clean up after dinner!!
blogger / kiwi / 588 posts
Totally agree! I haven’t started letting him open his food packets, but I do let him open his own Babybel cheese. He loves doing it -it’s like a puzzle to him! We also started having him “clean-up” after meals and playing. We have a rule that if we wants to start playing with another toy he needs to clean-up the current one first. With getting dressed, if we’re not on a time crunch, I have him choose his top and put on his socks and shoes. Sometimes he has difficulty doing it so I’ll help him if he asks for it.