Hellobee

I’ve shared a similar sentiment previously, but I really believe parenting is all about believing your current THING is the THE HARDEST THING you’ve faced with your kid yet and, in the moment, feels insurmountable. Until it’s passed and you’re on to the next thing and you’re like oh yeah, THIS is the hardest thing! At this point – nearly two years in – I’m intelligent enough to know, in my head, that my reaction (cough, overreaction) is what actually makes THE CURRENT THING hard. I also know that there will be more things, more challenges, every week and month, and the best I can do is observe and respond as best I can in the moment.

Our current challenge? Will’s hands are in his mouth constantly. It started over a month ago and I’m pretty sure it has been the culprit to the series of colds and infections Will has had and Mr. M and I have had. I might have had a week where I used so much hand sanitizer on the kid that I should have bought stock in Purell to account for the surge demand…

When Will’s newest habit became obvious as an actual habit, my first response was to ask my partner if he had noticed, then chat with Will’s daycare providers, and then consult the web. Each of these resources led to me some potential root causes for the nail biting, and some methods for helping to move Will out of this phase.  I’m still in the midst of this, though, so I’d love any ideas from you fellow parents!

Why do kids bite their nails?

– Stress / Anxiety / Tension: Fingers in the mouth could be a most visible sign of newly onset stress. Given that I noticed Will’s penchant for nail biting as we were getting set to move – but before we had actually changed anything about his life – I didn’t think it was likely driven by anxiety, but I can’t be sure. Biting nails, like most bodily habits, can be a source of comfort, and could have easily begun or morphed into that for Will.

– Emulating Others: Seeing an older child or family member constantly biting their nails is an easy way to teach a younger kid this habit. When I brought Will’s new habit up to his daycare, they mentioned that other kid there – whom Will spent a great deal of time with – bites his nails. Aha, I thought!

– Boredom: Heck, Will could have started doing this because it was something to do in the car as we drove to the grocery store, or in bed as he fell asleep.

– Curiosity: Nail biting could have started because Will was interested to know what would happen if he used his teeth on the things Mr. M and I spent time using some contraption to ‘trim’ every so often.  Teeth = bite = cut = shorter nails = sensation in mouth = interesting!

– Over time – Habit: Whatever the root cause, I’m pretty sure at this point, Will puts his hands in mouth purely out of habit. I watch him, interestedly, in the car and we will be discussing something or singing and PLOP! hand in his mouth!

Why is it an issue?

– Could be a sign of greater anxiety: Nail biting could be the tip of the iceberg in terms of an outward sign of inward distress. Because I noticed Will biting his nails during a stressful time of moving, I’m hyper aware of the fact that it could be showing me something bigger that he is fighting. Because Will is just beginning to express himself in full sentences, I have to be diligent and aware of what he’s feeling beyond what he can tell me feels (and beyond the screams, ha!).

– Illness: I don’t even want to go into the number of times Will has gotten sick and the entire household sick since this little habit begun. Picking up nail biting just as spring is beginning is pretty much the worst. He puts his hands on everything and germs, germs everywhere!

– Most likely nervous habit to carry into adulthood: My research tells me that, unlike sucking his thumb, this habit is one that could easily continue into adulthood. I’d hate for Will to have been a nail biter from age one to forever – his poor cuticles!

What can we do to decrease this habit?

– Ignore: I could easily wait and see, and hope and pray that this habit disappeared on its own. It could! Or, it could persist…forever?

– Acknowledge and encourage resisting: This is our current method of trying to help Will stop. When his hand goes to his mouth, we’ll say, “Will, you’re hand is in your mouth. Please take it out. You could get sick.” He now loves to say, “no hand in mouth, icky.” It seems to be working, slowly – I think?!

– Interrupt and redirect: When we notice Will’s hand in his mouth, we could take it out – or ask him to – and then offer food or play with him to redirect his behavior and attention. I think the added step of redirection is critical here, and is my next planned step in the fight.

– Observe to identify source: Because I don’t know why Will is biting his nails, it would be helpful to take time to observe when Will is engaging in the behavior. Is it when he’s mostly bored? When he’s tired? When he seems anxious or worried? Noticing a trend would help with narrowing our method to support Will to stop – if it’s anything but anxiety, we could keep on with the acknowledge and redirect.  And if it’s anxiety, then, well, next bullet.

– If coupled with other signs, seek out support: If Will is really biting his nails because of anxiety, I’d reach out to his pediatrician. There would likely be an appointment to discuss when it started and call out any other potentially troubling indications of anxiety, and work on a plan to help address and resolve the root causes of the stress.

– Force stop: If we were really bold or concerned, there’s always the intervention of bad tasting sprays and such to force Will to stop. We haven’t gotten to this level, as I’m not convinced it’s always needed.

Anybody out there get a toddler to drop a nail biting habit?