I am quickly approaching Little Bug’s first birthday, which also means that I am almost to one full year of breastfeeding.  I can’t believe a whole year has gone by; it certainly doesn’t seem like that long. If I really think back about our rocky start and the months and months of crazy night time feeding and pumping while at work, I am really proud of myself for getting this far. I didn’t make it this far with LeLe because I got pregnant and my supply tanked pretty quickly.

I wrote before about how I had a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding and I still do, but I am also a little sad at the thought of weaning. I’ve decided to continue as much as possible until Little Bug is at least two, and I have considered going longer, but I will just have to wait and see how that all works out. For now, he is still nursing quite frequently and we are both happy.

Where we’re at right now:

I am currently still pumping once a day at work. I usually get enough for a bottle for the next day, but Little Bug is starting to refuse that bottle and seems to prefer water or whole milk mixed with breastmilk, so we are experimenting with what to give him. I plan on dropping the pump over the next few weeks. That is a relief as pumping is definitely my least favorite part of breastfeeding.

He still nurses about 4 times per night (I am exhausted, but it’s worth it to me) and about 4-5 times per day.  Nursing an almost 1 year old is both adorable and exasperating. He is a wiggle worm during a lot of the daytime feeds, which is super hard, but at night he snuggles and I love our bedtime nursing sessions. The other really interesting part about nursing an older baby is that he is giggly and likes to play with my clothing, or turn his head quickly, or even contort his body into crazy positions. It’s like nursing an alligator sometimes, which is terrifying and sort of unpleasant. I’ve found that if I nurse him while in the shower, it is peaceful and he is not distracted by anything else. I secretly love the nights when he nurses in the shower because it is so calming and sweet. His overnight feeds are usually pretty quick so that’s getting better and better.

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I feel much better about nursing now than I did 6 months ago. He is usually pretty efficient and a lot of the time I can tell when he just wants a quick comfort nurse rather than a fill my belly nurse. The pressure is gone because he is getting so much of his nutrients from real food and some from the whole milk we are introducing slowly, so I feel so much better about the whole idea of nursing. Now it is more about comfort and connection and that is way more enjoyable than the pressure of keeping another person alive.

If someone had asked me in November if I was going to breastfeed past 1 year, I would have replied with a firm no. But the situation has changed and I am finding that I enjoy it more and more as the pressure drops. I wish that I had been able to feel like this earlier on, but it just wasn’t possible with the tongue tie and the reflux and my anxiety about keeping him well fed. I hope that if I get the chance to do this again, that I can go with with a different outlook and not dread it so much.