Hellobee

Fiona and I are still breastfeeding at nine months of age.

Juliet and I finished nursing around this time, and I’m a little surprised Fiona and I were able to make it this far. Breastfeeding has always been one of the things I dreaded whenever I had a new baby coming. My experiences with Drake and Juliet, which involved tongue ties, low supply, and eventually failure to thrive, have all soured me on the entire thing. When Fiona started to lose weight rapidly and my doctor said we needed to switch to formula to prevent the weight issues we had with Juliet, I figured our nursing days were done. My doctor said I could still nurse if I chose to or slowly phase it out. With such little milk to begin with, I figured it would only be a matter of time before our breastfeeding days were over.

At the start I diligently tried to nurse before every bottle so that Fiona could get some breastmilk. It’s hard to shake the “breast is best” adage so I wanted to go on as long as she was interested. I still got all the side effects of breastfeeding like leaking, engorgement, and even mastitis once, and didn’t even save money on formula. Over time I would skip breastfeeding for a feeding or two as it was just easier to go to the bottle, especially if time was an issue. Soon Fiona started to sleep longer stretches through the night and even when she would wake, I would sometimes skip nursing to be able to get her fed and both of us back to sleep.

We encountered a big snag around seven months when Fiona started to get teeth. I had never nursed a child with teeth as Juliet got her teeth very late and we were done nursing by then. When Fiona bit me the first time, I swore we were done. It took about a week or so before Fiona thankfully stopped biting and so we continued to plug along.

I try my best to nurse at least twice a day, once in the morning and once before bed so I don’t get engorged over night. During the day I try to nurse a little before every bottle, but time and also Fiona don’t always allow for that as she is now more impatient for the bottle she knows is coming, as well as much more easily distracted by the world around her and her fascinating siblings.

Despite all the obstacles that have come along our way, we seem to be chugging along slowly and part of me is wondering if we will make it to the storied one year mark. When the doctor told us to switch from nursing to formula when Fiona was a month old, I never thought we would even make it to the three month mark let alone nine. I have never nursed this long with any of my children. In a few weeks we will surpass when I stopped with Juliet and I stopped nursing Drake at 3 months, though I pumped until about eleven.

Nursing is still not my favorite thing to do, and yet the idea of just stopping cold turkey isn’t quite what I want to do. I know Fiona isn’t getting much in nutrients from the few minutes a day she spends breastfeeding, and I still find it uncomfortable and awkward with the leaking and wrestling to hold a wriggly baby in my arms. Life would probably be a little easier if I did stop, if only for the laundry saved from all the leaking. But I am also not ready to say good bye to the idea of never breastfeeding again, even if it’s never been something I enjoyed like many other woman do.

Part of me really wants and wonders if we can make it to a year…or even past? Extended breastfeeding past a year has never been something I considered and yet here I am thinking whether it’s possible to continue on this path for just a little longer. Some of this I think is related to the idea that these days might be my last; my last baby cradled in my arms, the last times to see milk I made dribbling out of her mouth, the last time my body produces that “liquid gold” that every mom knows is more precious than actual gold at times.

I’m still not ready to say good bye to these days and so Fiona and I will slowly plug along I think. It might not protect her from illness or boost her brain IQ and even though it’s not much, I want to try for her.