Growing up as an only child made me see the importance of friends because I would have had no one to play with if I didn’t make friends outside my home. I am truly blessed to have some dear people in my life to call friends, some that I have been able to maintain from my preschool years. The importance of friendship weighed on my mind even more as I thought about the family I would one day create. I knew, even as a young child, that I would never have only one child so that they would always have a playmate growing up. After Drake came Juliet and then Fiona, and I sometimes still ponder if there is another someone waiting to join the fun as well.

When Drake was younger I always wondered what kind of friends he would make. My hope was that he would find early friendships that would carry through his years like I had. As Drake grew though, I began to notice some quirks about his nature as well as how he interacted socially with peers. It always seemed like missed connections in some ways to me as an observer, and it turned out he was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, which was the reason for some of the awkwardness.

Still I remained hopeful in the idea that in time Drake would create long and deep friendships like I had. As the years passed though, Drake, while liking other children, still never seemed to connect in the way I had imagined he would. Through his school years he has certainly come in contact with many children, and I have even made friends with a few of the parents as we bumped into each other at school functions and birthday parties. Drake always seems keen on seeing friends and greeting them, but inevitably he withdraws to do his own thing for a short amount of time before coming to me to ask, “Can we go home now?”

Play dates, parties, and even around our neighborhood, all end with Drake wanting to go home. I have tried to tell him that it’s not polite to ask to leave when someone has invited you to something, but Drake’s reply is always the same — “I want to go home to play with Juliet.” Sometimes he will say Juliet and Fiona. As a parent I love that Drake has a strong attachment and love for his younger sisters, but Juliet and Fiona are also not his peers. I always strongly felt the need to fit in and make friends with those around me as a child, so I figured this was something important for all children to obtain as well.

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Then one day I realized how my plans might have gone awry because of my own doing. In trying to give Drake built in playmates from birth by giving him siblings, I also eliminated the need for him to seek outside companionship. Obviously I worked very hard to find outside friends simply because I had to, but in my efforts to prevent my kids from experiencing that, I also gave them less of a drive to seek out friends outside of the family as well. Oh the irony!

I still feel like outside friendships are important. They teach us new perspectives we wouldn’t necessarily have without meeting new people. Friendships also teach us social norms of what is acceptable since you are always apt to get away with less formal niceties among your own family. I also think that in time Drake, Juliet, and Fiona will all develop into separate individuals with different interests. But I do love how much he does enjoy the fun his sisters also provide him. Somewhere along the way I hope we can strike a balance of family and outside friends, but for now when Drake wants to go home to see his sisters again, I understand why. After all it would have been my greatest joy growing up to know that someone was always waiting at home to play with too.