Making the decision to try for a third child was one that took my husband and I a lot longer to mull over than the first two times around. We both had always been set on having two kids and until recently really hadn’t considered a third. When our youngest Summer turned one however, the conversation definitely started coming up, sporadically, but still the idea was lingering. I had the feeling of not being “done” with the baby chapter of life. Things that we considered when thinking of trying for a third were mostly practical this go-around.
Our biggest concerns were:
1) Going through another pregnancy – Pregnancy is such a tenuous time and can make us both a little anxious. Especially recalling the IUGR diagnosis of our last pregnancy really made us think hard about the realities of another pregnancy.
2) Money – Oh money, will there ever be enough? Will we ever go on a real vacation or buy a home again? Money was a huge factor in the consideration of having another child. When thinking of moving from two to three children, we suddenly find ourselves needing a different car and more bedrooms in the future. We really had to consider if these things were in our short-term budget and how we could meet future financial goals while taking on all of these extra expenses.
3) Support system – Having just moved from our hometown area, the lack of a support system was a huge factor. How would I be able to grocery shop or make it to appointments with three kids? Who would we lean on when things got hectic? How will we handle all the driving to and from school/activities with each child in the future?
4) Logistics – There are also some things you just can’t do with a brood of three kids. Logistically, one will not be able to hold my hand while crossing the street, one of the kids may get left out, and quite frankly, where is this abundance of extra energy going to come from in order to keep up with all of the daily demands of three kids? The logistics of raising three kids seems like a lot of juggling and in general there are parts of it that seem hard.
Ultimately, one of the biggest things that ran through my mind was comparing my husband’s immediate family and mine. He only has one sibling and I have two, and we both agree that it is a lot of fun to be around a big, rambunctious family. There is usually something going on, there’s always someone to talk to and no real time for boredom; we’re all really busy. I love that I can talk to my sisters in two very different ways. There are certain subjects I feel more compelled to talk to one of them over the other about and I am sure they feel the same way. We all have similarities and stark differences which brings a lot of interesting conversation and perspective to our holidays, dinners and random get togethers.
In short, I think we both realized that even though it will be harder to have three children in many ways, we both also want to go for the bigger family for our girls. We want them to know they have plenty of built-in support and others in their lives to lean on. We made the decision to start trying mostly because we know that once this chapter of our lives is closed, it’s closed forever and we thought we may wonder, what if we had tried?
What made you decide for or against having a third child?
guest
We’re in the same situation as you all. Our youngest is almost 2, and we know we want a 3rd. But we’re going to wait another year or two so that our oldest (almost 4) will be near kindergarten age when the next arrives. I have mixed emotions about that spacing because our 2 now are close in age and this would almost double the gap between #2 and #3 but we feel it’s otherwise good timing for us (financially, careers, travel-wise etc).
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
Thanks so much for posting this! We’re still struggling with making this decision, but it’ll be a couple of years before we start trying again (if we do). Many of the same thoughts and I’m always so interested in how other parents make these difficult decisions!
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
This was almost exactly us! After looking at it on paper it seemed to not make sense to have a third. But after visiting my (large) family with lots of cousins at my grandfathers funeral, I knew I wanted my kids to have that large support system to grow up with. It was only a month or so after that we had our surprise start growing.
apple seed / 1 posts
I also have to thank you for this post – after deciding on having a second we are now pregnant with twins, and I have all the same concerns/worries as stated above. It is nice to see a positive spin on a larger family, and the support and fun it brings (along with the challenges).
blogger / persimmon / 1231 posts
We are on the same page! Don’t really want to go through another pregnancy/newborn phase but in the long run we think it will be worth it.
cherry / 141 posts
I love the idea of a third but it’s not for us. I’m happy with two and I think I’m ready for the lack of sleep to be behind me in a big way. It does however feel like closing a chapter with both positives and minuses. I have a 4 year old and a 6 month old.
GOLD / nectarine / 2884 posts
We have struggled with this. When LO2 was first born, a third seemed like a given. I wanted to experience pregnancy and baby one more time, and LO2 is pretty laid back. Now that life with 2 is becoming more difficult, I am reluctant to disrupt our fragile balance with a third any time soon. My second had some health issues and so my age is a concern. I have always wanted to foster to adopt but my husband wasn’t interested. He now works in the juvenile court system and has changed his mind about foster to adopt. If we decide for a third that will probably be the route we take.
blogger / nectarine / 2600 posts
Im in the same boat wondering about a fourth in truth. In many ways I feel done though I miss being pregnant but I also worry about regret. Will I miss out on knowing another amazing human being? I dont know and still am pondering as the big 3-5 looms close by.
blogger / kiwi / 675 posts
@T.H.O.U.: its so funny how this happens! We tried a long time this time compared to our other pregnancies and the day I thought well maybe its not in the cards is the day I got a positive! timing is everything I guess. I love those big get togethers they really do make you think about the joy of big families.
blogger / apricot / 427 posts
Thank you for this! I’m here, and not here at the same time haha. Most days I’m incredibly overwhelmed and exhausted by 2. I also think my marriage could use some work before we decide to have another baby. But……darn hormones also get me every time I think about no more babies haha!
pomegranate / 3225 posts
Wow, I agree with you from the adult family perspective. My last baby was just so difficult I just don’t know if I can handle a third… And we are all getting older… Sigh. Happy for you that you have made the best choice for your family!