I’ve had the exciting privilege of having three close friends become first time moms this year. It has brought back so many memories of my own first-time mom journey and how navigating those waters can be a little bumpy at times. The hormones in the first few weeks, the sleep deprivation and the learning curve can really take a toll on your confidence.

As a first time mom, I was really worried and probably even a bit anxious. Of course, I didn’t realize it at the time but when I had my second daughter, I was able to compare how much more calm and breezy I felt to the first time. I know a huge part of this was due to a very small group of support from those around me. My husband was invaluable in being there for me and our first daughter as was my mother and mother-in-law, but I had no friends that were mothers when I became one, so I had no peers to share the journey with. I think this made a tremendous difference in how much more at ease I was as a second time mom; by that point I had gone out of my way to join moms groups and community activities for my daughter and meet other moms.

As I watch my three friends have this experience of going from 0 to 1 child, I can see the uncertainty in their eyes and concern in their questions about everything newborn related, and I recognize myself in them. As I have had the experience of going through the life-changing event that is having a baby, I now am trying so hard to go out of my way to make new mothers feel surrounded by love, the way I wish friends would have for me. Here are a few ideas for really being there:

Take them dinner – With my first child, I didn’t have any mom friends that set up a fancy meal rotation, but I did have this experience with my second child and what an amazing thing it is to not have to cook meals in the beginning. I froze a lot of stuff ahead of time but it’s kind of nice to have a friend stop by and bring you a little cheer from the outside world when you’re in the newborn fog. Flowers and chocolate are always a nice bonus too!

Text them just to say hi – Though new moms don’t have much time or energy to socialize, I think its still important to text and just send simple “hey how are you?” messages. With such an open-ended question, you never know who may need a bit of help, a meal or some sleep while you hold their newborn, unless you reach out. I know we don’t always have time but making a conscious effort just to say “hey I’m here for you” is so kind.

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Let them know you are there to discuss the hard, not so thrilling points of motherhood – This can be tricky but along with the above texting suggestion, I think asking about the whole elephant in the room of “this is so hard but no one talks about it” can sometimes be so supportive to someone in need. I know it can be tricky and may be inappropriate in some situations, but maybe using our intuition to ask how someone is adjusting to motherhood might be so appreciated.

Hang out with them and their new baby – I know it can be awkward to suggest hanging out to someone who is sleep-deprived and not feeling up to hosting, but I think offering to take a friend, along with her newborn out for a stroller walk or just sitting there and watching netflix for a little while would be so kind. I wished my friends knew that I really wanted them to hang out with me as a first time mom even though I wasn’t doing anything very amazing. Those first few months of the newborn phase can be draining and somewhat redundant. It’s fun if there is someone around to hang out with, even just at home.

Take them out for a break, a relaxing break – It also would be great to get new moms out for a lunch date or pedicure just to give them an hour break. When I have a newborn, it’s hard for me to break away to take a break and then when I do, I’m so tired I can hardly enjoy going out. But something simple and with no pressure can really do wonders for a tired mom. Keeping the convo light and the activity to a minimum can also be helpful for sleepy new moms.

How do you support new moms around you? Did you get the support you needed as a first time mom?