Hellobee

The youngest of the Starfish babies is currently rolling out of the dreaded fourth trimester, and I’m going to be honest that it was pretty brutal. For every surreal and amazing moment that I’ve experienced since Lilly and Audrey were born, there have been just as many maddening and frustrating moments. It’s to be expected, and I knew going in that it was going to be one of the most challenging times in my life. Let’s just say it lived up to expectations!

This picture pretty much sums up the fourth trimester with two babies!

Before the babies arrived, I was desperate to find advice on how to deal with newborn multiples. I spent many lunch hours searching Hellobee for tips and “Day in the Life” accounts. I visited all of my friends with multiples and peppered them with dozens of questions. I joined twins groups on Facebook and gobbled up all of the posts, both good and bad. So much of the advice that I received before the babies were born really helped me out in these first few months, so now I’d like to pay it forward. Herewith, my advice on surviving the fourth trimester with multiples…

The biggest key for me was getting to a mental state of expecting the worst and hoping for the best. The first time that Mr. Starfish went on an errand and left me with the two babies alone, I foolishly thought that they were due for their naps so I would put them down and then I could go take care of some task that had been on my list. When the girls then did NOT want to go down for naps, I reached a level of frustration that is hard to describe. Curse words were muttered as one baby after the other shrieked at me and I could not keep up with their demands. Frustration coursed through me as I thought of how they were not doing what they should be doing, and I was not getting that task accomplished that I figured I would check off my list as they napped. And then I got frustrated at my frustration, irritated with myself that I was approaching feelings of anger toward my babies as they were not cooperating.

Screaming baby Lilly…

…and a screaming baby Audrey.

When I later reflected on this, it dawned on me that I made a huge mistake. That mistake was to assume that I could do anything other than baby care when it was just me alone with them. Put another way, I had not expected the worst. From that moment onward, I set my mind to expect needy, screaming babies that always needed something from me. Does this sound horrible? Maybe so, but this mindset really helped to reduce my frustration! If I expected that they were going to cry all day long, and then they cried all day long, it was exactly the day that I was expecting! The good news is that nearly every day they did much better than the worst case scenario, and I ended up feeling thrilled and pleasantly surprised.

Next up is another mental state tip, and that is to be forgiving of yourself. This is important for any new parent, but especially with multiples. You need to accept that you cannot perfectly parent both babies. There was always at least one point in my day with both newborns when I would be caring for one baby, and the other baby was crying hysterically. Sure, a perfect parent would tend to a crying baby within moments. But I physically could not do that at certain moments when both babies needed something. I had to forgive myself for that. I also am currently in the process of forgiving myself for the flat head that Lilly has developed, which I’m nearly certain was established while Audrey was in her colicky phase for two weeks and required me to put Lilly in her bouncy seat for most of the day as I dealt with her sister. I hate that flat head and feel tremendous guilt about it, but I am working on acknowledging the difficulty of the situation rather than my own perceived shortcomings as a mother.

A recent pic that captures Lilly’s flat head problem.

About two months into the fourth trimester, a friend of mine stopped by to visit the girls for the first time. Her twin boys had just turned one year old. The look of sympathy in her eyes was evident as she asked us how things were going. She sweetly assured us that things would get better, and she gave us another great tip for the fourth trimester. She advised us to take things 15 minutes at a time. Now 15 minutes might not sound like a long time, but with two newborns, two 15-minute periods can look completely different. It is often the difference between two screaming babies and two sleeping babies. When you’re facing down a long day with newborns at 6:30 in the morning, don’t think about how you are possibly going to make it to 6:30 that evening. Think instead about how you are going to make it to 6:45 that morning and then how you’re going to make it to 7 that morning.

Now that I’ve gotten my mental tips out of the way, I’ll conclude with a practical tip. How do you bottle feed two babies at one time when they cannot hold a bottle for themselves? Here is my proven way:

1. You need a boppy lounger and a couch, with the boppy lounger placed on the center of the couch pointed toward you.
2. Plop one baby on the boppy lounger, the other to the side of the lounger propped up against the boppy and the back of the couch.
3. Drape bibs over babies. Bonus points for cute bibs. Extra bonus points if those bibs aren’t filthy from the last feeding.
4. Insert bottles into each baby, holding one bottle in each hand.
5. Enjoy the lovely peace and quiet that comes from hungry babies being fed. Ignore the pain in your arms that comes from holding two bottles at two squirming baby mouths for 10-20 minutes!

Feeding two babies takes some practice, but it can be done!