Having many Type-A tendencies, long before this pregnancy was ever planned, I was always firmly in the find out what you’re having camp. I can totally relate to the reason of “I would have to know for planning purposes.”
Mr. M on the other hand, was a big fan of the surprise. My initial reaction was that I could never do it. There was no way. However, with time I started to think about the perks of not finding out what we were having, and by the time we were pregnant, I knew I could do it.
I never thought it would be easy for me, and I thought I would be seriously tempted to be a Team Green dropout when the time came, but to my surprise, it has been relatively easy! I’ve certainly had times where it’s harder than others, but I’ve never been tempted to drop out. So, I thought it would be fun to share some of the motivating factors that made this decision easy to stick to, and heck, even get excited about!
There are very few surprises left in life – I think this is the most common motivator for people, and one of the biggest reasons my husband did not want to find out. For me, I’m not huge on surprises, but this was one I could control. I know it’s coming and it’s one or the other. I didn’t start to get excited about this one until a little while into the pregnancy, and now, it’s something I can get teary just thinking about. We get to find out whether this kicking monster is a boy or a girl by meeting him or her in person!
Gender-neutral stuff for future children – Everything we’re collecting in baby gear and clothing at this point is gender-neutral. In the event that we decide to have a second child and it’s the opposite sex, we won’t have a plethora of gender-specific items or feel we need to start from scratch with clothing/gear.
Needs-based shower – When you don’t know what you’re having showers tend to be less clothing-focused. I’ll be perfectly upfront here that this was a big influencer in my decision. That control-freak side of me would like to keep things as needs-based as possible. We have been more than happy with hand-me-downs and with clothing I am a big fan of thrifting. I also don’t want to end up with too much pink or blue clothing, I like a good mix of neutrals.
Name secrecy – While keeping the name a secret is certainly not specific to sticking to Team Green, I have found people harass me less about names because we don’t know what we’re having. We’re keeping it a secret from everyone and by saying we’re waiting to meet our baby and see what we’re having, people don’t press you too much on the name front.
Guessing is fun – I think this might be the part that drives people to find out. The need to know… I on the other hand am having so much fun guessing what we’re having (well, most of the time). We’ve had our minds set on a girl most of this pregnancy, but there are certainly enough days I think about having a boy too. You just can’t know and continuing to guess and hearing people’s predictions has been a lot of fun.
Regrets don’t seem to exist – The first thing people tend to ask me is what we’re having, and when we say we don’t know, you tend to get one of three reactions: the “Good for you! That’s the best moment” response from people that have experienced it themselves; the “I wish we had done that” response from people that regret finding out; and the, “I could never do that! I had to/would have to know!” group. I don’t think we’ll live to regret this one, but I know if we had caved I probably would have wished we hadn’t found out.
I’m definitely eager to know whether we’re having a boy or girl, and which of our chosen names we love so much will be the one… but the wait will definitely be worth that moment.
Did you decide to find out the sex? What were the reasons for your decision?
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
Haha, I can never ever be team green! I am super type A and I am just not a surprise person at all! I see all the fun-ness in it, but for other people
pear / 1881 posts
I am total type A and we are not finding out for our 2nd baby. We went through 3 rounds of IVF transfers to get this baby and although I would actually like to know the sex, my husband does not. His rationale is that NOTHING during our process has been a surprise and this is the only thing that we can control that can be one. That said, we did the Maternit21 test and the dang hospital included the sex in the results sent to my medical portal. We haven’t looked, but they are there, ready and waiting.
I am not looking at the results for one main reason: we told our 4 year old daughter that she would be the first person (outside of the doctors) that will know if this baby is a boy or a girl. We will tell her when she comes to visit the hospital. All any of our family members and friends will that is that there is a healthy baby and mama. I love your rationale and am hoping that I can stick to not finding out. I am finding it to be very difficult!
blogger / apricot / 439 posts
Such a great post – you make me wish that we had waited to find out!
GOLD / apricot / 341 posts
Our first two were surprises, but for our third we found out. I guess just to see how it would be to know and so our order kids could relate a little better to what was going on. But we all agreed afterwards that, having tried both ways, we definitely preferred not knowing! I don’t think there will be a next time for us, but if there was, we’d let it be a surprise.
guest
I completely agree with you! I am type A too, but – I had been to too many showers when people gave mostly clothes, or personalized gifts, rather than what the first-time parents actually needed, so the needs-based shower was the main deciding factor in holding out. I am thankful to have neutral, larger baby necessities, so we are all set whenever #2 decides to come along!
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
I wanted to find out the sex the moment I was pregnant! lol Then again when I was pregnant with #2 so I would know if what we were having. We’re contemplating if we want a third or not, and going Team Green is a possibility since we have one of each right now, but we’ll see if me and DH’s inner curiosity won’t win out.
persimmon / 1095 posts
We didn’t find out the sex either and I was so happy with the decision! I wanted to really be surprised and have my husband tell me when the baby was born and I didn’t want to get stuck with a bunch of blue or pink stuff at my baby shower if people knew the sex. I saw this happen when a friend was having a girl and she got all sorts of pink clothing but not much from her registry.
pomelo / 5220 posts
I think we are team green for LO #2! I really want a girl and DH really wants another boy and I just think it will eliminate the possibility of gender disappointment if we wait until the moment the sweet little one arrives!
pear / 1553 posts
I would go Team Green because I think it just doesn’t really matter. I wouldn’t treat my child differently based on whether they are a boy or a girl. And also I firmly believe that the child will reveal their own gender in time. Not everybody fits into a dichotomy and I don’t want people to start stereotyping my child while they are still in utero!
blogger / cherry / 142 posts
We were Team Green with Little CC, and have no regrets. I agree with a lot of what Bizwitch said above about gender and putting children into categories before they are even born, and that was a big factor for us. That said, if we are lucky enough to get pregnant with baby #2, I think we will find out this time, but I’m not sure when we will share that info outside our little family circle.
nectarine / 2433 posts
@NorthStar: I can relate. The fact that we had to do IVF and there were NO surprises we loved not knowing that we had a DD until my SO told me in the delivery room!
blogger / apricot / 389 posts
@snowjewelz: I totally get it! If left to my own devices I think this would have been my perspective… I had to do some serious soul searching to find reasons to get on board
@NorthStar: I hope you can wait too! Sounds like such a lovely role to give your daughter!
@Mrs. Starfish: I don’t know how anyone with two on the way would ever stay Team Green! I would be ridiculously impressed!
@Mini Piccolini: I’m still on the fence for if/when we have a second! I think both experiences would be nice to have!
@Amanda – I’m glad I’m not the only one motivated by that reason! haha
@Alivoo01: That would be a fun surprise for a third child!
@alphagam84: Looks like we had similar experiences to change our perspective!
@psw27: Sounds like a good solution to being on opposite sides!
@bizwitch: Yes, this is such a great point, and I probably should have conveyed that a bit better myself! If we have a boy or girl, there will be certainly blue or pink (a lot of the reason being it’s just really hard to shop neutral!), but I’m so glad we have a strong base of neutral clothing and not assigning too much on “boy” or “girl” when they’re so little!
@Mrs. Cotton Candy: I think we might find out for #2 as well, just because I would love both experiences and I think if we have a second babe we will likely have a bit of an age gap, and it’ll be a way to prepare our first child
nectarine / 2433 posts
Mrs.Marshmellow, our reasons for being Team Green were similar to many of the ones you listed. The shower was a big consideration for us too. I look at how much clothing and personalized stuff a family member got for their shower when they were having a girl cemented it for me!
blogger / apricot / 389 posts
@mrswin: yes! I’m sure there will still be a lot of clothing gifts at our shower, but at least they won’t say “Ladie’s Man” or “Daddy’s Princess” on them
guest
We didn’t find out for #1 and I loved everything about that – the surprise, the practical gifts, etc. we found out for our second but only because I was going back to work 6 weeks after the birth and felt like I needed to plan. We have 2 girls. If we have another child, we will not find out!
blogger / persimmon / 1225 posts
We found out both times and I had two very different experiences/reactions. I really really want to go team green if we have a third. I’m totally type A as well and am prepping myself now to not find out. I think my two biggest motivators would be for the ultimate surprise of it all and because I want to avoid other people’s comments when they hear what we’re having.
pomelo / 5621 posts
I loved being team green.
One of my favourite things was everyone’s guess and why they guessed that way. I also loved having mostly neutral items for gear and clothing.
blogger / apricot / 310 posts
I’m a planner by nature but I (mostly) loved being team green,too
nectarine / 2210 posts
I was team Green with my first and again with this pregnancy. I couldn’t imagine doing it any other way, although part of me thinks it would be fun to have a gender reveal.
persimmon / 1310 posts
I wanted to be Team Green, but my husband wanted to find out. Our compromise was to do a gender reveal, which I insisted take place in the third trimester at the shower so we could avoid gendered gifts. The best part of the shower was the excitement of sharing guesses (we wore bows or bowties to indicate our guess). During the pregnancy, I experienced a lot of the same kind of interactions with people since we waited so long to find out.
I would love to talk my husband into being Team Green next time!
apple seed / 4 posts
As an extremely Type A person married to another Type A person, we really wanted to find out gender. But, baby showed us both who is really in charge and kept those legs firmly closed during the ultrasound! We took that as a sign, and deliberately chose not to find out after that. It was 100% worth the wait.
The absolute best part was the doctor saying “well, dad?” and my husband announcing “It’s a boy!” right after we had our son. So many things in life the mama finds out first; it was really sweet that he got to tell me the gender of our baby.