Hellobee

This past summer was a rough one at the Carrot patch. We kicked off our summer with a three-day stay at the hospital for me after a long ignored back problem aggravated itself to a point that it couldn’t be ignored anymore. It coincided with Baby C’s turning 3 years old and created a lot of emotional storms for her that led to disrupted sleep and strong separation anxiety. Shortly after I got out of the hospital and we started to settle back into our normal, Baby C came down with an ear infection – a huge source of stress for us because she spent most of the spring fighting a long ear infection (ironically her first) that was completely resistant to medication. We finally seemed to kick it after 2 months, 4 courses of antibiotics and a burst ear drum, and less than 2 months later, she had another. Then a week later, we had to go back to the doctor because she was still in pain, because despite my caution to the doctor that the standard antibiotic wouldn’t work for her, she was still given the standard medication, it was doing nothing, and my repeated requests for additional treatments for her tendency to accumulate fluid in her ears were all but ignored. And then on July 4th, Mr. Carrot had to go to the ER for a leg infection that caused him pain and swelling and ended up with his own three-day hospital stay to treat the infection. A week after he got out and started to come back to normal, we were just about to breathe a sigh of relief and Baby C woke up with a stomach bug that kept us home and sleepless for two days.

On top of all our unusual health worries (we’re the kind of people that rarely take sick days, much less this many!), there’s the state of our world lately. We live in DC, and Mr. Carrot and I are both in professions that keep us close to current events, which have been dismal at best and likely won’t get any better for a few months, as election politics rage. Between sleepless nights with a worried 3-year-old, our own aches and pains, and physical and mental stress, the dark cloud above our house has been noticeable and we don’t like it one bit.

Now that we’re entering my favorite season, I’m hopeful for better days, and weekends spent outdoors picking apples and enjoying the sunshine, rather than PBS Kids marathons on the couch. And as always, I’m reflecting on our bumpy summer and thinking about all the things that got us through it (fairly) unscathed.

1) Look for what’s good. I struggle with positivity a lot, but this year, I’ve been working on improving my outlook as a way to help my own mental health, my marriage and my life overall. Getting dragged down into emotional mud caused by all these events was easy, so I worked extra hard to focus on what was good in all this. Things like extra cuddles when Baby C was sick, and the time spent together at bedtime, without technology and distractions, as a result of her need for extra attention. The PBS Kids marathons during our times of sickness have led to a growth of her vocabulary, and spending more time at home has led her to play with her toys in different ways, and gave me a good view into what she is and is not playing with to allow for some cleaning.

2) Remember it’s temporary. Next summer, when I check my TimeHop app, there will be a lot of status updates to the tune of “when will this end?!” And now that we’re on the other side, the answer is it will, eventually. It feels like forever sometimes, but it does end, and remembering that really helped boost our spirits in times of continued bleariness.

3) Ask for and accept help. This is another area that I am terrible at. I am such an independent person, and so worried about inconveniencing others, that I outright refuse help when it’s offered and never ask for it when I need it. I also might be a bit of a martyr in this regard, but this summer taught me that I need to get over myself. When my back gave up on me, my mom extended her stay with us until I was out of the hospital. Luckily she was already here visiting, but I would have been calling her if she wasn’t. When my husband landed in the hospital, I called my mom, and she made the 4-hour trek to stay with us for a week while I caught up on work after my own hospital stay and while my husband was on bed rest. When a coworker offered to make us dinner during this time, I accepted, and we had amazing enchiladas from a native Texan that we would have missed out on otherwise. The irony in this is that I’m the first person to jump into action to help others when they’re in need, and now I’m learning to let people help me too.

4) Sneak in self care. One of the first things I did when I got out of the hospital was to go get a pedicure. When my husband was sick and my mom was home with my daughter, I put aside my guilt and went to the gym. I took time to read after everyone was in bed. The constant “on” mode during trying times is hard, and for me, a particularly strong introvert, self-care is imperative. As I mentioned earlier, I’m the last person to focus on myself, but having a back injury forced some self-care on me automatically, and made me realize that it’s OK even if it wasn’t mandatory to give myself a bit of a breather. I’m stronger and healthier for everyone that way.

5) Turn things off (or on). We don’t have cable, and our TV is off 95% of the time, but social media and news feeds keep the bad news coming. This summer, in the midst of all our own crappiness, there were also awful political news, kids being snatched by alligators and falling into animal cages, constant criticisms of parents, women, you name it. I have a hard time with things like this on a regular day, but it was especially too much this summer. I marked a lot of news as “read” before reading it so that it wouldn’t come back onto my news feed. I didn’t read articles I knew would hurt. I paid extra attention to PBS Kids and read lighthearted books to get through the suckage, and it helped.

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The reason I wanted to write this post is because I often read things like this on various parenting news feeds and go “yeah, OK” under my breath. Sure, I need self-care, but who has the time when everyone is sick! Sure, I need extra help, but I am superwoman, hear me roar! But this summer taught me that all those articles are right, and my circumstances forced me into changing my own perceptions and behaviors in order to keep myself and my family afloat and back to healthy. And what I found is that my mom is always thrilled to help and spend extra time with her grandkid. My coworkers and friends are thrilled to help a friend in need. And we’re all better off for having taken the time to focus on ourselves a little bit.