Every profession has areas in which it is misunderstood, and childcare is no different. I have connected with many other nannies over the years, but I’ve also made friends with some really great moms and dads. We’ve bonded over toddler tantrums, potty training, managing computer game time, and more often than not I was treated with the same respect as a fellow parent. Once in a while I’d hear an insensitive comment, so I thought I would share some of the biggest misconceptions I’ve noticed.

1) Nannies should be doing something kid-related for the entire day, even if the kids are at school or napping.  Nannies don’t get lunch breaks nor do they have the ability to leave early for appointments. By the time nanny girl was in school, I was in charge of grocery shopping, laundry, and light housekeeping as well as volunteering at her school. I managed my time well, but I also stopped for a latte frequently and would take a break during lunch. If you still have a nanny when your kids are school-aged you are paying for security in case of a child’s sick days, someone to pick them up on time, someone who can wait in the car while it gets an oil change, and someone who can run last minute errands. It’s ok for a nanny to have downtime as long as they don’t abuse it!

2) Nannies are not parents so they can be treated differently.  I’m a huge supporter of teachers — my mom, sister, and brother are all teachers and that doesn’t even include extended family! In Chicago I volunteered at two different preschools when nanny girl was young. The first one had an older main teacher and she used to ask me to do completely inappropriate things like teach the kids or change someone’s pants after an accident. I was there to help and assist but she took advantage of me by asking me to do things she did not ask other parent volunteers to do. On the opposite end of the spectrum, the second preschool had younger teachers around my age and they treated me like their buddy and would confide in me things they probably didn’t want parents of their students to know. In a school setting, a child’s nanny should be treated like a third parent.

3) A nanny sees the kids more than their parents do. Perhaps it’s true in some cases, but my bosses rarely got babysitters and spent their entire weekends with their kids. Between that and the evenings, they had plenty of family time. A nanny isn’t different than when a kid is at daycare during the day. Also, there is something to be said for quality of time versus quantity.

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4) Nannies want to spend their weekends babysitting. I would get asked by other families to babysit on weekends, but my bosses hardly ever asked me to babysit and if I did we were usually trading hours for time off. Since I had my weekends kid-free I always looked forward to Monday mornings because I missed my sweet babies. Unlike being a parent where burn out is pretty inevitable, I was able to come in refreshed and that meant saying no to additional babysitting hours. That said, if you have a nanny who wants the extra cash, that’s great, enjoy those date nights!

5) Children will end up loving their nanny more than they love their parents. I know that not everyone believes this, but I have heard it before from friends and I think it is a completely normal fear for some parents. It doesn’t only apply to nannies, but also to daycare providers. I’m here to say that while I have a really close relationship with my nanny kids, there is no way I could ever replace their mother or father. It is impossible. Some days nanny girl would cry when I left at the end of the day but she would cry when her mom left for work too. And something I observed from watching my bosses was that this is not a situation to be jealous of, but rather grateful that your kids are so happy with someone else. As a parent, I keep this in mind with my own kids. I’ve learned the more people that love your children the better the world is for them.