Mr. Starfish and I have had our two cats, Curie and Einstein, for a decade. Mr. Starfish was not previously a cat person, but when my parents were going through a divorce in my mid-twenties, I pleaded my case for cats as a comfort and he gave in. As it happened, Mr. Starfish quickly fell in love with our cats and they instantly became a treasured and invaluable part of our family.
Baby Audrey and our cats.
As we suffered through years of infertility treatment, our cats were a huge source of comfort to me. I can remember sobbing on my bed after receiving the negative pregnancy results from our first IVF cycle, and both cats coming in and snuggling up to me as if to remind me that everything was going to be okay. When I think back on all of the lonely and sad nights of infertility, my cats were always there for me with a head nudge or snuggle. And they also were good sports on those most challenging of holidays for couples struggling to conceive – Halloween and Christmas – when they would allow us to dress them up in costumes and mew as we hung their little stockings on the mantle. They were, as so many of you can relate, our fur babies.
A big concern that I had before the girls were born was how the cats would respond. They were used to being the center of our world at home and that would suddenly be taken from them. I also worried about the cats smothering the babies or scratching them or hissing at them. I was so worried about this that I briefly considered asking my mom to take the cats to live with her for the first few months. If she had lived closer, I think I actually would have done this, but as it stood a 5+ hour drive between Chicago and St. Louis seemed too much.
When we first brought Lilly home from the hospital, we very carefully introduced her to the cats. They sniffed at her initially but otherwise seemed uninterested. We noticed their ears pop up when the baby would cry, but really they pretty much ignored her at the beginning. When we later introduced them to Audrey a month later, they were even less interested and simply went about their cat business.
Our cat checking out Baby Lilly in her first days home.
The real problem for us with the cats was not the babies; it was the constant stream of visitors and house guests that we had in the beginning. With new helpers staying with us nearly each week in the first three months of the babies’ lives, plus new nannies and constant visitors, the cats became very territorial. While our female cat would just hide upstairs under our bed, our male cat started hissing aggressively at everyone and was just generally being a mean cat.
We tried to give him extra attention and hoped that he would snap out of it, but unfortunately it worsened and continues to this day. It almost seems that he has taken it upon himself to protect the baby girls from all these “strangers” because he gets most grumpy when guests approach the babies. The worst of it came when our nanny started full-time and he scratched her as she was tending to the girls. We couldn’t stand for this, so we had to start keeping the cats tucked away in our bedroom upstairs while we are out of the house and the nanny is working. I really hope things improve and this will not be a long-term need. Any suggestions on this would be greatly appreciated!
As for the cats’ relationship with the babies, it continues to evolve. I’m happy to report that we’ve never had problems with the cats getting too close to the babies or posing any danger to them. They never jumped into cribs or play pens or changing tables as I feared. They will occasionally nap on one of the girls’ boppy loungers, but only when the babies are asleep upstairs.
As time has gone on, they are showing more interest in the girls and are starting to physically approach them more and more. They are particularly good about letting the girls pet them (gently!) without hissing or otherwise freaking out. Just as the girls are starting to realize that there is an animal there, the cats are starting to warm up to these mini humans. We regularly point to the cats when the girls are sitting in our laps and repeat “white cat” over and over again. The girls smile at them sometimes, but haven’t quite figured out what these furry creatures are all about.
One absolutely adorable thing that recently started is that our male cat now regularly participates in the girls’ bedtime routine. While Mr. Starfish or I read the girls their bedtime stories, Einstein comes into their room and lies down and listens to the stories with the babies. As I leave the room, I scoop him up and we both say our good-nights to Lilly and Audrey. It warms my heart, and also makes me think that the cats and babies are starting to develop a very special bond.
Our cat Einstein listening to story time before the girls go to bed.
nectarine / 2115 posts
Love that he participates is storytime!
blogger / clementine / 985 posts
We had three cats when M was born — two now — and they’ve slowly transitioned into a begrudging acceptance of her. One of them is more standoffish than the other but she’s like that with pretty much everyone! Our third kitty was hit by a car, which was devastating, and he was the sweetest cat to her, and I’m sad that they didn’t get to grow up together.
Your cats are beautiful!
pear / 1767 posts
I adopted two cats when I was in law school and remember coming home from the bar exam and laid in my bed sobbing. The cats curled up next to me as if comforting me. We didn’t have aggression issues before bringing home our baby but we did have a “redirected feline aggression” issue a few years earlier when another cat came onto our back deck and spooked our female cat causing her to attack our other cat. The hissing incidents would happen every few days for months. I’d never had cats before so I called the woman who headed the cat shelter and she recommended buying a “Feliway” diffuser (basically it’s a plug in diffuser that emits cat pheromones that are supposed to be comforting) and adding some Bach’s rescue remedy to the cats’ water bowl. We also learned to take a blanket to swaddle the hissing cat and would brush her until she calmed down. Eventually the incidents stopped happening. Just thought I’d throw out those suggestions. (As an aside, I’m in Chicago and petsmart at Elston and Logan had the Feliway but it might be cheaper to order it. Whole Foods has the rescue remedy.). Good luck!
apricot / 341 posts
Feliway. It’s amazing. I do cat rescue work and Feliway has saved many a cat.
You can buy diffusers (they work like glade plug ins), sprays or collars. I’ve seen the best results with the diffusers though. It releases a cat calming pheromone that humans can’t smell.
They do have some drops and calming treats that people swear by but I’ve never used them. (Like the Rescue Remedy listed above).
pomelo / 5257 posts
@RKitty: This is very interesting to me…I have three cats and they all get along. BUT one of them is terrible with the scratching. Furniture, walls, etc. I wonder if this would help? I saw vertical scratching on the list of behaviors it can help with. I don’t think he’s stressed or anything, though, he’s the friendliest of our three.
apricot / 341 posts
@MrsSCB: It would help if he was scratching out of nerves, but if he’s doing it for fun or to mark his territory it won’t help. I always recommend having a scratching post at least 3 feet tall and scratching surfaces of different types (carpet, sisal rope, cardboard, etc). And you may need to do some redirection. There’s lots of great resources if you google it that can help you.
pomelo / 5257 posts
@RKitty: Thanks! We need to be better about trimming his claws, too, but he basically turns into the Incredible Hulk and it’s nearly impossible haha.
guest
We have two cats, and from day one the rule has been that they have to allow the baby (now toddler) to pet them, and they always have to be able to escape at any time, so no holding then or cornering them. We remind him to be gentle aaaallllllllll the time, but I think it helps a lot more to see that if he gets rough or loud they leave. Consequences!
I know part of it is plain luck, but my little guy’s first word was “cat,” and now that he’s a toddler he and our cats cuddle all the time, and we have yet to have any scratching incidents.