Hellobee

I’ve loved seeing some responses to my posts on Hellobee as people have said that they would love to be a surrogate for someone. Just as I am in awe of our surrogate and her huge heart in helping us build our family, I likewise have so much respect and admiration for others who may consider one day being a surrogate for a couple in need. For those of you who may be interested, I figured it might be helpful to lay out the general requirements to be a surrogate.

Our surrogate and me around 20-25 weeks.

The first is a list of physical requirements. These are usually dictated by the fertility clinic that the intended parents are using. An example of the list of requirements from one of our clinics is copied below (and this is pretty standard):

• 19-40 years old
• No more than 5 deliveries total, including no more than 3 c-sections
• BMI less than or equal to 30
• Non-smoker
• Has given birth to at least one child
• Uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries
• Excellent health history
• No high risk sexual practices or recent tattoos or piercings

The clinic will carefully review all of a potential surrogate’s health and pregnancy records, so a potential surrogate should have all of her health records (and especially OB-GYN and pregnancy records) available and ready to go. Once a clinic has reviewed the paperwork, a surrogate will be invited in for a full medical work-up. This typically includes a physical examination of her uterus, and often hormone checks through a blood draw. Furthermore, the FDA requires tests of gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV, Hepatitis B and C, among other things (several of these STD and blood tests are required of the surrogate’s partner as well).

If a surrogate passes the physical requirements, she is also subject to very high standards on the emotional and social side as well. All reputable agencies and clinics require a psychological screening and many also perform personality tests. This screening is nearly always done on the surrogate and her husband or partner, and is often done at the same time as the physical screen at the clinic. In addition, some agencies will conduct home visit checks on their surrogates. Some of the particular requirements on the emotional and social side include:

• Lives in a stable home environment, may be married or single
• Has no psychological problems
• Has parented at least one child (and in most cases it is preferred that the surrogate believes her family is complete)
• Is not receiving government assistance
• Has reliable transportation

All of the above is required for a surrogate to be cleared by the fertility clinic and/or agency. But there are many other traits and characteristics that intended parents may seek on top of this. Some examples follow:

• Does not live or work around smoke (partner does not smoke, surrogate does not work in a smoke-filled work environment such as a bar or pub)
• Does not take and is not planning to take any category D or X drugs during the pregnancy
• Although a clinic may allow someone as young as 19 to be a surrogate, most attorneys advise intended parents against using a surrogate younger than 25
• Environmental concerns (Does the surrogate work around cleaning or other chemicals? Does she live or work on a farm and exposed to pesticides?)
• Family and friends are open to the idea of surrogacy and support the decision, especially her husband or partner
• Location (Most intended parents want to live within 1-2 hours of their surrogate)
• Delivery preference (I strongly wanted a vaginal delivery and wanted to find someone who felt the same way)
• Surrogate is only on her third or fourth pregnancy (this comes into play if the intended parents want to do a “sibling journey” because most clinics will not work with a surrogate who has had more than 5 pregnancies)
• Is willing and expected to be able to provide breast milk post-delivery
• Dietary alignment (limited caffeine, no alcohol, limited junk and fast food, some intended parents will go so far as to send weekly groceries to ensure organic or other preferred diet)
• Personality alignment (strong preference for organization due to complicated medication schedule; strong preference for transparency and openness)
• Preference for a relationship post-delivery
• Trustful
• Has a big heart and is not doing surrogacy for the money
• Carries good health insurance and her policy does not exclude surrogacy
• Understands what she is signing up for and is prepared for daily injections and medications
• Is aligned on number of embryos to transfer (some intended parents want to try for multiples and others do not; same with surrogates)

In addition to all of this, there is the factor which I will call “gut feeling.” Both sides – the surrogate and the intended parents – depend on this a lot in deciding whether or not to proceed with the relationship. If I can answer any additional questions for those of you who may be toying with the idea of becoming a surrogate, I’d love to answer them!